Professional Detour
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: How will Stella's decision to move to New Orleans affect her and Mac? Is this the end? Or just a slight detour? Will this force feelings to come to the surface? Can they make it work? Based on S7 spoilers.  CHAP 10 UP
1. The Eleventh Hour

**Title: Professional Detour  
Chapter 1 - The Eleventh Hour**

**Summary:** How will Stella's decision to move to New Orleans affect her and Mac? And is it forever? Is this the end? Or just a slight detour?

**Disclaimer:** Well if you don't know I don't own them by now, you need to read more of my stories! Lol

**A/N: **Okay so with the much relieving news that they aren't going to kill our beloved Stella, just shipping her off to New Orleans, we can work with that. As soon as I heard the news the muse was on the keyboard and I was unable to stop her! eeks! Hope this isn't too emotional and that you like it a little. Thank you again. Oh and I know two postings in one day - sorry guys don't kill me! lol

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_'Stella Bonasera, we are pleased to confirm your offer of CSI Supervisor for...'_

My heart still skips a beat when I read those words on the official letterhead in my hands, my fingers slightly trembling and my head racing with a million thoughts, questions, situations and of course excited and nervous anticipation. I want to shout, cry, laugh and curse all at the same time.

This is an amazing opportunity; one that where I'll be used a lot more than I am here, but one where I'll be alone and away from the people I love and care about the most; my friends and family here at the lab. This move will affect and change all that. It will change everything; it will change my life no matter what.

However, as I look up from my desk and see my beloved partner slowly walk past, offer me a warm smile, his handsome face relaxing as we lock eyes, I know that my heart is about to skip a few more beats before this day is over. Mac is the one I care about the most; the man I love more than anything and the one person who will be affected the hardest by this opportunity.

I had heard about the opening in New Orleans from a friend, telling me about this amazing opportunity in a city that was still struggling to rebuild and a team that needed a solid role model and some determined inspiration from a seasoned field Detective. Me.

_What do I tell Mac if I do get it? _

I remember that was the first question I had asked myself as soon as I hit the apply button. But a few weeks passed and I heard nothing, so I had told myself that I didn't get it and basically pushed the thought out of my head. Then I got the call.

_"Stella, this is Greg Fields from New Orleans. Do you have a minute?"_

And everything changed in an instant. That was last night. The letter arrived this morning to confirm what I was told and my world came to a complete halt.

The moments that followed that call was just a blur. _I got the job! I got Mac's job! But..._

As my brain finally pondered the actual seriousness of the situation and where I would be going, I finally realized what I had done. I am leaving. New York. For good? Is this possible? Can I do this? To Mac? To me?

That moment, the moment I had gotten the news, I went from the highest high to the lowest low. This was the kind of opportunity I had been waiting for; something to really challenge and inspire me, to give me a new found sense of accomplishment and to show the world around me that I rose from the ashes and look at me now.

But that means leaving Mac. Can I just up and leave him?

And as I watch him finally pass by I realize that this could be the last time I could see him. Ever? No, that's not possible; I'd never leave Mac for good. He could come down on the weekends, holidays, days off? It might give him a chance to use up all those myriads of holiday's that he's so fond of stock piling until Armageddon comes.

I lean back in my chair and realize as I look at my slightly trembling fingers that my anxiety hasn't lessened since I heard the news last night; not being able to eat or sleep. This isn't an easy decision and has just raised more questions than answers.

I had spent the night pacing, trying to psyche myself up as to what I would be telling Mac but somehow nothing sufficed. All I kept seeing was him either giving me a tight lipped '_Congratulations'_ and sending me on my way or offering me a crushed expression and I would be sunk. Knowing Mac he'll take the honorable way out and that could be worse. Killing me with silence? Or worse? A false bravado when I know inside he's hurting just as much as me?

However, inside I know I have a bigger battle than just a professional advancement to contend with. In my heart I know I love Mac, I always have and I know I always will. And that knowledge is tearing me up inside, eating way at my very soul. I want to be with him and was hoping that we would be working toward something more permanent. Would we get that now?

"I love you Mac," I whisper in a tone only I can hear.

I try to push myself away from my desk, wanting to tell him right now but I can't; something holds me back, forcing me to sit in place and continue to ponder in contemplative misery what I am actually doing. I have always wanted to be part of something that really mattered; a cause or a group that I could immerse myself in and at the end of the day, just pat myself on the back and tell myself I just did one hell of a job. To shine and allow my strengths to help others to do the same; to pull people up from the bottom and allow them to stand on top like I am now.

But I always had Mac at my side when I did that and he's not coming with me. Sure I'll call and tell him all that I am doing or am a part of or have accomplished, but it won't be the same. I won't see his face every day; hear his words or know that I can just knock on his door when life is trying to suck me under. Will I still be able to make it? Is all lost? Can I do this without him at my side on a regular basis?

Rebuilding in the aftermath of Katrina; a young team needs a solid leader; volunteer opportunities with the BP oil spill; and of course fun events like Mardi Gras. The list went on as I listened to Greg Fields trying to sell me on this amazing career opportunity.

_"So Stella, what do you say?" Greg has asked with a hint of eager enthusiasm in his voice._

I think I managed to ask for a day to think it over; my brain still trying to comprehend all that I was about to embark on and undertake alone. I would be alone in this, but then I have always been alone. But would I really? I mean it's not like I am moving to another country, only another state. Airfare between the states is cheap and I know...

And it went on, the back and forth as I pondered this grave decision. It was something that I didn't just rush into lightly and even now told Greg I would need a day to think but was very tempted; he hung up with hope and I hung up with wonder.

I look back up at my office door, thinking the day has already passed by when in reality it has only been a few minutes; my world still turning on a different axis than everyone else. I am currently existing on a different axis from everyone else. Can anyone sense it?

The chance to run my own team, own lab, own city is something that is beyond a career dream; it's exciting and scary. I have been to New Orleans a few times and before Katrina loved it and even after, it never lost it's mystique for me. I had at one time thought about whisking Mac away for a weekend to Mardi Gras, now he'll have no excuse except work to come and visit.

Wait? Have I decided? Is that a yes? Sounds like it. Am I doing the right thing?

"Oh Stella," I sigh to myself as I glance over at a picture of me and Mac that was taken at last year's New Years Eve party. It was just before midnight and his lips were on my cheek; the kiss that followed, in that moment, cemented in my mind just how much he means to me and I hope by his actions what I mean to him.

What would this do for him? Of course he would have to replace me. But with who? Can I just accept another person working at his side on a daily basis when I can't? And what if it's another woman? She better be married or gay! What if she's not? Will he forget me? Okay maybe this isn't the right thing to do.

But I know Mac will tell me that professional duty comes before sentimental responsibility. And he would be right. This is an amazing opportunity for me to grow and shine at the same time. To help others and myself. To make a difference and be at the forefront of something that I get to grow and make and call my own. This would be mine.

"It's a great opportunity," I lament with a hint of sorrow in my voice.

And so it goes, my mind and heart both waging two intense battles inside my very being; back and forth...back and forth...my stomach tight, my frame tense and my ears pounding. If I didn't care so much about Mac or have already invested so much of myself into the more than ten years we have been together side by side this wouldn't be so hard. I love him; and this is tearing me apart. But it's not the end, right?

"I love you Mac," I utter again, needing myself to hear it because I know when I tell him I'm leaving, my life will be forever changed. For the better? How will this change Mac? So far I have only thought of myself and how all this will affect me? But I know this will affect him. Mac might try to come off as being so closed off and private, but he's emotional and passionate and cares deeply...about me?

Does he love me? He hasn't said those exact words as of yet but maybe this will force something from him? Or it could force him to retreat back into his shell? Am I doing the right thing? Have I thought also what kind of hole this will leave for him?

But if I am practical I realize that this is something that I have wanted to do for awhile; lead my own team and as long as I work with Mac and Mac doesn't take a higher promotion, I might never get the opportunity to expand. Still New Jersey would have been closer as I know Mac will never want Sinclair's job and that would be his natural progression; Chief of Detectives.

How about for a year? I mean I can try it out and then if I don't like it I can always come back right? Should I have that written into my contract? Or could it just be a given? Would Mac take me back? Would Greg just let me leave? Could I just ask Mac to get rid of someone just because I couldn't make it or didn't like it? Ask Greg to replace me because I didn't want it any longer?

How about I try for a few months first and see how I like it? Ask Mac to hold my position until I am sure? But that is selfish also. I can't just expect him to do that. Course it could be a promotion for Danny or even Sheldon? Lindsay perhaps? They would understand, wouldn't they?

AHHHHHHHHHHH! I offer an inward scream and just shake my head; the battle refusing to subside. My heart tugging one way and my brain pulling the other.

I lean back in my chair once more and realize that this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Mac always said that I sometimes over analyze things too much; he and I being so alike in that regard. But I can't help it; this is a major decision, I have to over analyze it! It's not like I have been asked to just help for a few weeks and then come back, this is a permanent offer; away from the city that love more than anything.

New York is home, it has been since I was left on her streets so many years ago. But I have also been used to being in new places and learning to adapt quickly and this will be no different. I will adapt and I will survive. I have so far. If anything this will make me stronger and certainly a lot braver.

I'll have to get a new home, apartment, somewhere away from the areas still being rebuilt but not too far away from the every day working people; I am one of them after all. I know what it's like to have to try to rebuild after your life has been torn away from you by circumstances beyond your control. I have done it a few times both physically with the fire and then mentally after Frankie. I survived then and I will survive now.

I am a survivor. I know I will be just fine physically and maybe even mentally. But emotionally?

Mac is my rock; my strength; my shield. I need him at my side and even when I don't tell him as often as I should, just to know that he's there when I need him at a moments notice, that I can see his smile or hear his warm voice; I am okay. But that will be gone now, at least on a daily basis. Can I live with that? I love Mac, if I didn't have such strong feelings for him, this wouldn't be the arduous battle it is right now. I love him, have I told him yet? Why am I just waiting for him to do that?

I slowly push my chair away from the desk, my heart starting to race so fast that I get a surge of adrenaline when I try to move and then have to just remain where I am.

_Mac I'm leaving you..._

But as soon as I verbalize that in m y head, my eyes water and my stomach tightens again.

_No not for good..._

"I can't do this," I softly lament as I once again close my eyes and try to regain the professional composure that I put on display for the world around me to see.

_For just a few months or...well maybe more...but no longer than a year...that's it Mac, I promise...I love you...come with me!_

No matter how much I try to sugar coat it, the words still stick in my heart like a two pronged arrow, threatening my very demise if I were to try to abstract it in any way.

Today I will face my emotional death.

"I love you Mac...with all my heart. This isn't for good," I try, giving a nod so that I'll know its the right thing to say.

But will he even believe me? Will he wonder the sudden change? We just had awell sort of a date last week andwill he now think it's him? Will he be angry? Hurt? Confused? Happy?

"Just a year and you can come and visit..." I try again, going over the lines that I will hand him as sort of a peace offering for my departure.

Will it work? What will the next few weeks be as we try to find my replacement? Will it strengthen our resolve to make it work no matter what? To work together on a schedule of holidays, weekends and days off so that we can be together and continue to grow what I hope is festering between us love? Or will it cause us to be strained? Driven further apart? Angry? Tense? Unsure?

"Oh damn it!" I curse as I just shake my head, my eyes wanting to water once more. But as I watch the minutes tick slowly past I know Mac is going to come looking for me and I know I'd never be able to function the rest of the day feeling like this. I have to tell him and I have to tell him now. I'll deal with the fall out later.

"I love you Mac and we will make this work," I finally tell myself in a determined voice as I push myself away from the desk, my heart pounding so fast, I swear I'm just going to have a heart attack in the hall and all this worrying will be moot as I'll be dead!

I take a few steps, my stomach wanting to bring up breakfast, my fists tightly clenched at my sides and my mind racing with a million different '_what if' _scenario's as I head for the door. Thankfully the lab is still quiet, as Mac and I were the first in this morning.

I head for his office, quickly trying to choke back tears and the lump that has formed in my throat but telling myself that I will get through this, together Mac and I will face this hurdle together as we have everything else and be stronger for it.

_I love you Mac, you have to help me with this._

I reach his office and pause in the doorway, actually afraid for the first time in years to enter. I commit to memory the sight before me; one of many that I'll cherish when I'm gone. He looks up, his handsome face breaking into a warm smile as he puts down his pen; his posture softening as he offers me his undivided attention. Normally that would settle my nerves in an instant, today it has the opposite effect; today it will break my heart. Perhaps shatter it for good.

"Stella?" His head slightly cocks as he notices me for the first time; I mean really notices the state that I am in. "What is it?" He asks in warm concern.

"Mac, I..."

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**A/N:** So did you want a second chapter or just leave here. If a second chapter, do you want to know how Mac will react? The team? Please let me know and I could have some fun with this! And remember this is all just speculation! I have no idea how TPTB will have her leave but hey, it's fan fiction write? You want to nitpick or flame, recess is over and your grade 2 classroom is waiting! the rest thank you!

And yes just the start of many things to come with this story line so hope you are all on board for the long haul and thanks again! Stay tuned SMACKIES the muse is fired up once again! That's good write?

**PS:** And yes Pandora's was just updated so please also read/review that and keep the muse going. LOVE YOU ALL!


	2. Dropping the Bomb

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 2 - Dropping the Bomb**

**A/N: **Thanks guys for the great reviews in chapter 1! Think this is going to be longer than just a few chappies as I want to explore all the emotions with this N.O. (New Orleans) idea and yes there will be a few more stories to come. I don't think you are all in a hurry to get to the end of this right? I know it's angsty but much like Promise of Tomorrow you know there will be a happy SMACKED ending! Thanks everyone!

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I can't really describe the feeling I had this morning when I woke up; mostly nervous anxiety but I wasn't sure over what. Stella and I tried to connect last night but she said she had something important to follow up on and I didn't want to pry or press, especially since she didn't offer any details. So of course I spent the night trying to figure out why.

We had had an informal date of sorts a few days back and after work today I was going to ask her if she wanted another; perhaps this time dinner right after work. Nothing overly aggressive but something to show that when she suggested we could be more than friends that I am open to the idea. I am not sure if I made that clear to her the other night, my mother always scolding me for holding back my feelings until it was too late. Even now she'll say, _McCanna, if you don't tell Stella how you really feel about her, you will lose her, maybe one day for good!_

I don't want to let Stella slip away into another man's grasp so told myself that I would ask her tonight. I would wait until the working day was over and ask her to a private dinner and finally tell her that I too am ready for the next steps and want to work at building something more than just a friendship between us.

But as I pass by her office I notice her posture a bit tenseer and her smile tighter than the mornings before. Not her usual self; but we are both here early to finish up a particularly nasty case so I tell myself that it's just emotional case residue and that it will pass once we book our main suspect today and things will be better tonight.

I enter my office, today not really looking like anything out of the ordinary and open the first case file, wanting to put in my field notes before Flack arrives with the official arrest warrant and another DB call is put in to us.

However, the next moment I look up, Stella is standing in my doorway, her posture still tense and her expression one of worry. My mind races with a million different scenario's, but each ending the same - she doesn't want more for us after all.

"Stella?" I ask, my eyes finally picking up the small glints of water in her eyes and my heart starts to pick up the pace. _Was she crying? Over what? _I feel my own frame starting to mirror hers, in a matter of seconds I feel myself on the verge of something I can't explain.

"What is it? Is everything okay?"

"Mac, I..." she starts in a soft tone and then stops. She steps a few more feet into my office and slowly closes the door behind her; forcing my panic to really build. The few times that Stella has looked like this and closed the door for a serious talk, something bad usually follows.

"Want to sit down?" I quickly gesture to the leather couch behind her. She numbly nods and then slowly eases herself down; the silence is killing me.

"Stella, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"I know that Mac," she utters in a tone so soft I am almost straining to hear. I quickly remove myself from behind my desk and join her on the couch; a few feet between us, but the thick emotional chasm feeling like miles. I glance up and notice her eyes searching for mine. _Could this be more serious than I thought? What?_

"Okay Stella, you really need to tell me what is going on," I tenderly urge. "If it's something that I have overstepped or taken liberties with or..."

"It's not you Mac," she utters in haste, cutting off my words before I have a chance to react.

"It's you? Are you okay? Did something happen last night?" I ask in haste. _Was she attacked? Apartment broken into?_

"Yes it's me and...well it affects you...in fact it affects us; possibly for good...but maybe for only a few months or...or just a year or..."

"Stella, please just take a breath and tell me what is going on," I state with a frown, my voice on edge as my very soul continues to feed off her nervous energy. "What has happened?"

"I got a call last night about..." her voice dies out as her eyes well with tears. Suddenly she grabs my hand and holds on, her fingers cold and my heart now painfully racing in my chest.

"A call about..." I urge once more.

"Ajobofferin NewOrleanswhere Iwouldbeheadofthe labandImightaccept," she blurts out so fast I just stare in shock. I think I heard her say she was offered a job in New Orleans and she might accept. That's impossible. She never even told me she was looking and...

"Say that again," I ask in disbelief.

"It was a few months back and...Mac I never thought I would get it...I would be lead supervisor there and..."

"So this is real?" I manage, a small lump forming in my throat. "A real job offer?"

"Yes."

"And have you accepted?"

"I um...I got the call last night confirming my appointment," she replies with a soft whisper; a single tear finally escaping her glistening eyes and starting it's slow descent down her flushed cheek. But for some reason I am unable to help; I can only sit helplessly and watch the woman I was going to pledge my heart to tell me that she's leaving me for good.

"Have you accepted?" I ask with a bit more edge in my tone; my heart racing at the answer my brain is already anticipating the dreaded answer. I watch her lips start to move, the sound in my ears pounding so loud that I swear they'll burst and her answer will be moot. _Please say no, please say no. _But I know the answer or we wouldn't be sitting her like this, experiencing this kind of pain and torment.

"I am thinking about it," she confesses and my world comes to a complete stop.

_Why? Aren't you happy here? Was it something I did? Didn't do? _My brain once again races with so many questions that I actually have to swallow the growing lump in my throat before I am even able to continue.

"Are or have?" I press.

"Mac..."

"Have you uh...how come you never mentioned it to me."

"I honestly never thought I would get it," she whispers with an uncertain tone.

"But why not when you were first thinking about it."

"I...just didn't. Mac I never thought I would get it."

"Why did you even look?" I demand with a sharp tone; my brain reminding me to quickly back down. "Stella I...I'm sorry I yelled."

"I got a call one night..."

"Who called?"

"Greg Fields. He's um...he's the Chief of Detectives of there and..."

"He told you about it?"

"He did."

"And he'll be your new boss, right?"

"Mac..." she tries to protest.

"Wish you had said something earlier."

"Such as?"

"Why did you really look in the first place? Not happy where you are? Tired of being second place?"

"That's not fair and you know it," she answers with a slight defensive tone.

"Who called who first?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you call Fields first or did he call you?"

"Damn it Mac, this isn't personal."

The last thing I want is to get into an argument in the middle of my office in the middle of the lab; a heated showdown for all the lab to see and talk about. But I am still in charge here and that means I have to ensure order. How the hell will I do that today when my whole world was just shattered?

"This is very hard for me. I mean we have been together for so long now and. But..."

"You shouldn't have to justify yourself to me Stella."

"Mac you are my best friend. Out of anyone in my life I do justify myself to you."

"Right, well I think it's a great opportunity and..."

"And what Mac? Tell me, please," she utterly begs, her green eyes glistening with tears and her beautiful and now slightly tear stained face begging me for an explanation.

"I'm uh...happy for you."

"You are?"

"Sure I mean...it's an exciting offer and you'll be in charge right?"

"I won't be here Mac. I can't see you stepping down anytime soon and I would never hold that against you."

_Not in so many words, _my brain scolds.

"I know," I swallow hard, my heart racing that I feel I am about to just pass out at any moment. "But these kinds of opportunities don't come along all the time right?"

"Not for me," Stella mentions and I know right in that moment that I can't offer the martyr card. If I did, then I would be the person responsible for that opportunity being taken away from her. She's my best friend and I have to do what's best for her right? Even if that means doing the worst for me.

But in truth, I don't want her to go. Can I tell her that? What kind of friend would I be? How could I hold her back from an amazing opportunity? I would come to regret it? I know I would and that is the last thing I want; Stella angry at me for something that _I caused_. That would be selfish and right now I have to put aside what _I want _and consider what _she wants_. And obviously what she wants it to leave; for good? But will I survive if she actually leaves? I am barely surviving now.

"So what do you think?"

"Supervisor?"

"My own lab, my own team...a city that is rebuilding a team that needs solid guidance," she relates with a slight tinge of elation in her voice; crushing me further into emotional oblivion with each passing second.

"To be in charge that's um...Stella it's a great opportunity."

"Do you want me to go?" She asks suddenly, her expression quickly morphing back to one of serious thought.

"Stella..."

"Should I take this job in New Orleans Mac?"

"I..." I pause, watching my whole life with Stella flash before my eyes, ending with me watching her drive out of state and out of my life for good. _I don't want you to go. Stay here with me. You can't go. I don't want you to go. I don't want you to move up. Stay! I love you_. But of course I once again tell myself, that this is her life and her chance to really make a name for herself, to help a city that is still rebuilding and an opportunity to build a solid team, the same things I was given when I took this position. How could I hinder her from experiencing the professional pride that I feel every day? I can't.

And so I do the only thing I can right now.

I lie.

"It's a great opportunity Stella, of course I think you should take it."

In that moment I have crucified myself. I have always prided myself on my loyalty and honesty and here I am merely handing my partner and best friend a bold faced lie. Can she tell? Is she upset? Will she lie now to me in return? What have I done?

"Y- you do?" She asks with some hint of surprise.

"I do," I lie once more.

"Okay...well...Mac?" Her voice wavers and now I wonder if she did have any lingering doubt that I just killed that and now she'll feel like she'll have to go? I can't believe this is happening.

"Stella, it's okay. I mean I'm a bit surprised but...but you have a chance to build something amazing and be the boss for once; not having to do what I say so..." my voice trails off as I try to keep myself from breaking down right now. But if I was to just take her into my arms and hold her close, kiss her until she can't breathe and tell her I love her and not to go, I know she'd use me as an excuse and then I would come to regret that forever. It has to be her decision. Or does it?

Oh I don't know what to do; all I know is I need her to leave my office right now so that I can go downstairs and beat the hell out of that damn punching bag.

"Well you have been pretty tough to take over the um...the years," she lightly smirks and now I can see her on edge. She's offering the same fake smile to me that she did the day she started back after the whole Frankie incident. Telling me she was fine when her eyes confessed the lie.

That was what she was offering me now, and my heart was aching for it.

"So when do you..."

"What's standard procedure for notice?" She dares to question.

"I can check," I offer with a tight lipped smile.

"And you're happy for me right?"

_NO! _I want to shout at her, I am lying to you! Can't you see that? I don't want you to go! I don't want you to have that promotion! I don't want to lose you!

Again I lie.

"Of course I'm happy for you Stella. It's a great opportunity and the recognition you deserve."

At least some of what I offered her is the truth. She does deserve it. She works harder than anyone else here, surpassing my standards on almost a daily basis and long since passing the ones Sinclair set for us when we started. But now I face new hurdles. How do I find a replacement? Who? Can I actually allow her to leave? How will I survive not having her at my side on a daily basis? Her strength and tenderness have kept me human since Claire passed, what will I do now? Is this really happening?

Her fingers close over mine once more but this time there is no heat being generated, just two sets of cool hands trying to reassure the other of two totally different things.

"Talk to me Mac."

"Just so sudden is all."

"I know and I'm sorry but..."

"No Stella, please don't feel guilty. I am happy for you but...but it was just sudden. So it sounds like you have made up your mind."

"I guess I have," she sighs. "Just gotta try right?"

"You will succeed," I agree numbly. "It's a great opportunity Stella," I just keep repeating, hopefully trying to convince myself of the truth of those words. But she also said maybe just a year? Could I mention that now? No that would again have being able to use my insecurity as her excuse to either stay or return and that last thing I could live with is, _'Mac it was a great job opportunity but becuase of you I didn't take it.' _That would be a fate worse than death.

She looks at me, her mouth offering me the same tight lipped smile that I am still offering her in return. The tension continues to build between us as everything else fades into non-existence. My stomach tightens further and the little bit that I had at breakfast is now threatening to come up unless I leave. But go where? I can't just go home, that would guilt her even further and that wouldn't be fair. I can hit the gym but Flack will be here shortly with that warrant and I'm trapped. _Oh I need a drink; several in fact. _

I see her eyes trying to hold back tears and the last thing I want is an emotional breakdown right here; I fear I might never recover and I would hate to once again put any blame on Stella. However, as I ponder the reality of all this I am at once angry. Why didn't she tell me she was thinking this? We tell each other everything. Doesn't she trust me any longer? Maybe she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her. Why did she even look at it? Why not turn it down right away? Oh I know if the situation was reversed I would be in her very place right now. I am a damn hypocrite. If I confess anything now would it even do any good? _Oh screw the drink, I need the damn bottle._

"Well I guess we should get our day officially started right?" _How am I going to survive today? _The team of course will be distracted but...how can I just function normally when I know that each minute together could possibly be our last? How can I look at her now, knowing a few weeks from now, I might never be able to look at her again?

"That's it?" Stella asks in surprise as I quickly pull away.

"What else did you want to discuss?" I ask with a heavy frown, my heart once again racing that I'll be party to another tormented confession and I'm not sure I can take much more right now.

"Don't you have any other questions?" She asks in a somewhat shaky tone.

"I do but, I'm sure this is hard for you Stella, and the last thing I want is to be sitting her grilling you about...I mean it's a big move, both professionally and emotionally and physically so..." my voice trails off; my brain jeering my lame attempts at trying to sound like a normal supportive friend. I would really like to tell her all the negatives; she'd be alone, no friends, no family, no support from a superior that knows her circumstances. She could fail and that would be it. But as I gaze into her tender eyes and allow my mind to capture the expression on her beautiful face, I know that would kill us both.

"Did you need to take the day or something?" I quickly blurt out and she looks at me with a frown. "Well I'm not sure what you have to do yet but..."

"But what Mac? What doubts do you have inside that you aren't telling me? Talk to me, please?"

"Is there anything what would hold you back from accepting?" I ask, my heart racing so fast that I swear I will pass out before she hands me the answer.

In truth, right now, at this moment, no answer would suffice. If she said it was because of me, I'd say she was lying to save my feelings. If she said she was afraid, I'd tell her she's never been afraid of anything in her life. If she said, she couldn't do it, I'd tell her that she's never failed and she has more drive and determination to make this work that even the most seasoned professional.

My world has ceased to turn and as I contemplate a future without Stella at my side I know that while I tell the world around me that I will survive this; inside I know I won't. She might as well hand me my heart on a silver platter, right atop her resignation letter.

Because in truth; I have just died.

* * *

**A/N:** gosh guys sorry for all the angst. So think Stella will just let it go at that? THink Mac is going to tell her the actual truth about how he feels? Think a few more showdowns and confessions are coming from both of them? And we'll get a bit more with the teams reaction, and then of course as Stella prepares to leave and such, but as you know from me, all my SMACKED stories have a happy ending and this one will also.

Again this is pure speculation. CBS said Stella's departure would be dealt with 'simply' so that means a so long and that'll be it and to me that is unacceptable. So hope you like what I have come up with instead and please stick with this story until the end. Thank you again in advance!

**PS:** If you are still reading it, I have just also updated 'Altered States'


	3. Aftermath of Armageddon

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 3 - Aftermath of Armageddon**

**A/N: **so now that we have both of them each having a chappy, the rest of the chappies will have both POV's more often so when you see my usual 8 X's (XXXXXXXX) that will indicate a change in POV. Hope this makes sense and thanks again.

* * *

Walking into Macs office to tell him that I could possibly be leaving was one of the hardest things to contemplate. I had tried to picture his reaction in my mind but in truth I wasn't prepared for his answers as I have never done anything like this before. The stunt I pulled when I went to Greece, I knew in my heart that once the case was solved I would be coming home. But this was different, soon New York wouldn't be home.

_You want me to go? _I feel like shouting at him? _Thats it? Thats all I mean to you? _Oh maybe I shouldn't have told him just yet; maybe I should have waited until the end of the day. Would he have told me the truth then? _He's happy for me? Was that the truth? Is he really happy for me? AHHHH!_

_Come on Mac, tell me the truth! _

I can tell he's lying; I have known him for too long. So what is the truth? Does he want me to go? Maybe thats why he didn't confess to me on our unofficial date that he wanted more, just like I did. In truth I had forgotten about his job possibility until I got the call; the confession I offered Mac was real and in the moment. I wanted more...I still do. But maybe he doesn't?

To be honest I am a bit disappointed in his reaction. I wanted him to confess his true feelings for me right now, take me in his arms and seal his love with a passionate kiss. _Get real Stella, _I chide myself_, this isn't the movies. _And Mac is not a movie star, he's a real man with real feelings and real emotions like the rest of us. Sadly he has also become a _real _master of locking himself away and I fear he's going to do that with all of this.

I know he's trying to do what he thinks is best for me, for us, but telling me the truth would be the best thing right now. _What aren't you telling me Mac? Do you care for me? Could you ever love me?_

"Stella?" His warm voice prompts me for a reply. _What would hold you back? _That is what he asked and is expecting an anwer.

I look at the tormented sapphire orbs before me and feel my heart starting to ache. This is the catch-22 question; for there is no answer that is correct.

If I say you, he'll offer me the, _I can't be the one to hold you back or it wouldn't be fair for me to hold you back, _lines or something similar and then he'd use his guilt to push me into something I might not even fully accept. Or if I say its me, he could... on it goes. Once again only two losers in this battle for our future.

"Well I would like to think..." I start. Normally I would be mad if destiny was to intervene but in this case it really was the answer to a prayer.

"Mac I got that arrest war..." Flack starts only to stop and look at both of us in confusion. "Bad time?" He inquires with a frown.

Mac looks at me, his eyes begging for an explanation. But I can't, not here, not in front of Don, not like this.

"Right, well I'll give ya five," flack tells us before he ducks back out of the room.

"I guess you need to go," I manage with a weak tone.

"Stella..."

"What Mac? Tell me, please."

"Its just that..." he starts, stopping when his lips allow a nervous chuckle to escape, "I guess we can talk about this later."

"Are you sure?"

"Stella, after over a decade of working together and without a hint I might add, you come in here and tell me you are leaving," he answers, his tone sharply rising once again. "Didn't you trust me to even tell me you had even thought about looking into it? Asking my advice then?"

"Oh yeah thats fair Mac. And it seems that right after we had our fun date at the racetrack you turned around and started dating another woman, without so much as a warning I might add. What about asking me?"

"Stella..."

"Yeah go ahead and try to justify it to me Mac!" I state loudly, drawing an arched from Flack as he quickly looks back into the office. "Damn it!" I curse as I look away.

"Maybe we just aren't as close as we once were," Mac offers with a heavy sigh.

I look at him, my anger and frustration colliding into one boiled mass as I push myself up and just glare down in misery. "I'm glad you made that confession first!"

"Meaning?" Mac demands.

"Meaning I can tell you are lying to me and I want the truth and I want it right now!"

"I can't tell you right now," Mac growls in return, his anger rising to meet mine.

"Why not?" I push him further, not realizing that he just confessed there was more but I wasn't listening. "Mac, tell me!"

"Because it hurts too much!" He snaps and then turns and storms out of the room, walking past Don and not stopping until he reaches the elevator; his tense back to us in defiance.

I watch Mac in disbelief before I too storm out his office, past Don; my destination, the womens washroom. I enter the furthest stall, slam the door shut and plop myself down on the closed toilet lid, burying my face in my hands and allowing my entire being to sag from emotional exhaustion.

_He's just feeling scared and threatened,_ my brain reminds me. And when men are scared or threatened they just last out, usually speaking and reacting before really thinking.

_Because it hurts too much, _he had confessed. But what hurts? Me leaving? Him acknowledging it? The sense of growing mistrust that he hinted at? I might not know the answer right now, but as soon as he's back I'm going to make sure he tells me, or at least promises to tell me in private as soon as this day is over.

But in that very instant I know there was more beneath that tough exterior than he's allowing me to see right now and I'm angry at him for it. I wanted him to confess all to me in that instant; to stop being afraid and holding back and just tell me. I shake my head, my eyes watering further as I try to erase Mac's handsome face from my mind. But I can't; his image refuses to fade and I'm at once heart sick when I hear him tell me he loves me and then turns around and walks away.

Maybe I should have told him sooner. Maybe I should have confessed my feelings earlier. Maybe I should have told him that I hated the idea of him with Peyton or Aubrey or any other woman than me! Maybe I should have...

"Damn you Mac," I curse; mostly just to hear myself curse his name and his thick head! But I know I cannot stay in this bathroom for the rest of the day and will have to face the team sooner or later. Will Mac tell Don? And what will he tell him? His side? My side? What is my side? I have taken this job...

"Oh what the hell have I done?" I growl, this time offering a curse with regards to my actions. But the longer I remain here the quickly I realize I am now feeling guilty and Mac hasn't even confessed anything worth feeling guilty over. He's handed me the safeest lines and easiest way out possible. Typical Mac Taylor - always avoiding emotional confrontation or personal conflicts.

"Damn you Mac Taylor," I curse his name once more. But right now I am determined to take a page from his book, I am going to put on my magazine cover expression, the fakest smile I know and do what I do best, what I have done from a small girl onward...

I am going to go back out there and tell the world around me that no matter what Stella Bonasera faces - I'll never let them see me weak.

I won't venture a glance into the mirror as I exit; too afraid to see my reflection, knowing I'll break down again. My stomach is sick and in truth I'm surprised I haven't thrown up already. The day isn't over right? I want to tell the team with Mac at my side, would...

"I guess my answer is yes," I utter with sad realization. I know my disappointment is because I wanted Mac to tell me not go, to beg me to stay, to tell me how much he does need me at his side, how much he loves me and that this is the worst decision of my life. Damn his honor! Damn my stupidity!

Now I have an even bigger mission ahead of me, before I leave I must make sure I get Mac to tell me the truth; to confess his real feelings without him feeling guilty about doing so.

"This is going to be hard," I huff as I push the door back open and head into the hallway, my heart racing in my chest, my head pounding and my mind telling me that Mac cant get back fast enough.

XXXXXXXX

"Mac you okay?" Flack asks me as we near the apartment of our suspect.

"Fine," I gently grumble as I keep my eyes fixed on the rapidly passing landscape outside the speeding police cruiser.

"Ok-ay," Flack groans as his free hand pokes me in the ribs, forcing me to glance over. "Don't lie to me Mac and quit the one word answers. What is going on?"

I look at him and frown. I told Stella, we'd tell the team, so don't really think it's my place to tell Don what really belongs to Stella to tell him. Besides I'm still angry at myself for confessing that it would hurt to tell her the truth. In that moment I knew I had crucified myself and as soon as I'm back I'll be nailed to the wall until I confess the truth.

"Mac?"

"It's nothing Don. Just something that I need to work out."

"Whatever the reason I'm sure it was lame."

"Pardon?" I arch my brows, allowing a small exasperated sigh to escape my lips. "What was lame?"

"Whatever excuse you handed Stella back there for standing her up."

"It's not that Don...it's...not the time to discuss this."

"Just make sure you make amends before it's too late."

"Right, thanks."

We reach our intended destination but my mind is no where near where it should be. Instead of focusing on what I should be telling our suspect, I allow Flack to take the full lead and just hang back, my mind and heart still waging a fierce battle. _Before it's too late.__ IT IS TOO LATE! _I felt like shouting at Flack, I'VE ALREADY LOST HER!

But I can't just involve him in something this painful; at least not this early in the game. But how can I know that when I go back, it'll be one of the last times I could possibly be seeing Stella in the lab, waiting for me, working with me. can I allow this to happen? Do I have the power to stop it?

We finally finish our task, Flack arresting the suspect and then handing him over to the uniformed officers that will take him back to the precinct and book him, my very soul now dreading walking back into that building and facing my partner face on.

"Man you got it bad," Flack continues to bug me as he brings the car to a halt just outside home base.

"Don..." I put my hand up to stop him.

"All I am saying Mac, is you should do something before you lose her for good."

"I already have, damn it!" I curse and then push myself out side the car and head into the building before he can utter anther word in his defense. I hear him calling my name but right now the last thing I need is another forced confession or emotional showdown especially with very nosey onlookers.

I head inside and hurry toward my office, hoping for just a few minutes of breathing time before I have to go and face the emotional firing squad once more.

However, it's not to be. As soon as I round the corner I see Stella standing at the end, laughing with Adam and Lindsay and instantly my heart sinks. It's a sight I might never get to witness again. She looks up and offers me a tight grin, a gesture that doesn't put my mind or heart at ease. I quickly shed my coat and then turn to leave, needing to burn off a bit of angry energy so that I can face the day and present at some semblance of my normal self.

But just before my hand can push the door open, Stella's voice calls to me and I instantly cringe. I turn to her with a look of remorse but quickly recant and paste on a firm smile. If this is her choice then I need to be supportive right?

"Mac, did you get a chance to look..."

"I said I'd look at those terms later!" My answer is a bit sharper than I realize or had wanted. I see her step back and I immediately curse myself for her recoiling. "Stella?"

"It was with the Myers case. But I can come back..."

"Right I said would pull the last test results. Let me get that now."

"Unless you had..."

"No I was only going to beat the crap out of the punching bag," I huff as I turn and push past her, heading for my office with an angry scowl I am hoping that nobody sees.

"You know I don't want us to be at odds over..."

"You should have told me sooner!" I snap, my back still to her. But as soon as I am greeted with silence, I quickly turn and see that I am alone. "Damn it Mac," I growl to myself before I snatch the results and then head for her office, telling myself to calm down before I explode again. I round the corner and see her standing and looking out the window. She lifts her head to acknowledge my reflection but that's it - I don't deserve anything further.

"The uh...test results you needed."

"Thanks, I'll get to them in a bit," she utters in a tone so low that I feel my heart ache instantly.

"Stella..."

"I'm done Mac," she tells me firmly as she finally turns to me with a stoic expression and I feel my anxiety explode. I can see her holding back pain and I know it's my fault and I hate myself for this. The last thing I wanted ever, was to hurt the person I care for most. Oh what have I done?

"I didn't mean..."

"No I mean this back and forth bickering. I wanted the truth and you said it hurts to give it. Maybe that was the truth, maybe that was a lie; I don't know anymore. I do know that I don't want us to spend our last few weeks together at odds. I hoped we could part as friends, but if that is even too much for you, then I'll leave right now."

I feel a hard lump in my throat instantly form, and I'll be damned if I can swallow it back. "Just didn't think here was a good place to get into...well things."

"Because it doesn't work for _you_, right Mac?"

"Because of gossip Stella."

"Oh who the hell cares about that Mac? The team? They are going to be doing that in a few hours anyway. Besides if anyone is pulling for us it's them! So what are you always trying to control?"

"I..." I start with a raised voice and then look away in frustration. "What? What about the team? What do you mean pulling for us?"

"It doesn't matter now. Tell me Mac, what are you still trying to control."

"I don't know," I admit as I turn back with slight frown. "But you're right and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you...angry."

"Hurt."

"What?"

"Hurt Mac, it just hurts when I feel like we are at odds. I mean we are rarely at odds so it's noticeable when we are."

"I know," I stammer as my hands rest limply at my sides; Stella's still crossed in front of her chest. "So have you uh..."

"Changed my mind? Are you hoping I will?"

"Stella..."

"Yes Mac you can. You can tell me what to do. You can toss away your damn shield and allow your human side to show; tell me what do to...tell me to stay...but just tell me the truth!"

"I..." I start and then stop, knowing that no matter what I say I'm doomed, life as I know it right now is over. "You know I can't Stella."

"Can't or _won't_? Mac I feel like we are starting from square one."

"Maybe it's where we belong," I offer in remorse. "I know it's not what you want to hear but...I know it hurts both of us but I don't want be any kind of catalyst for your regret. And if I tell you to stay and you miss out on a great opportunity because of me that is all that will occupy my mind."

"And your heart?"

"What heart?" I reply sourly.

"I guess the heart I thought you once had. Maybe it was me that was wrong all along here."

"Stella, what do you want me to tell you? What do you want me to say?" I lightly plead.

She looks at me without answering and within a few seconds her eyes water and tears threaten to spill; my heart breaks. I am pushing her away and although it's not what I want, it's all I know how to do.

"If you care for someone you shouldn't need anyone to tell you what to say to keep them in your life," she offers in remorse.

"It's been a long time since I really cared for someone and even then it wasn't the same as with you. I don't know what to say! I don't have the right words."

"Are you sure?" Stella throws at me. "You want to know what to say to me? Tell me that you have accepted the fact that we had started to progress beyond friendship. Tell me that you have accepted the fact that we know inside we both have feelings that extend past caring. Tell me that you care more for me than always allowing protocol to dictate your every move! Tell me not to leave."

I look at her in misery. I can't tell her that. Oh I want to, but would she even believe that I am now offering it in truth and not just something to tell her because she wants to hear it? I can't accept fact that she's leaving but I can't tell her not to. I want to, but I can't.

"But you can't, can you," she continues.

"Stella..." I try in misery.

"I am not going to stay here and try to convince you of something you obviously don't want."

"Peace of mind?"

"Me!"

I look at her in surprise. Of course I want her. _Tell her_! I can't, she won't believe me.

"Mac, until I met you and came to know you over the past ten years, I was alone and wondering if I would ever find anyone I could care about much less want fall in love with. Since you came into my life, it's filled with hope, fun, passion and love. I finally have a reason to look forward to going to work; despite the fact that our present situation sucks. And I don't know if I need you in my life to keep that feeling, but I know I want you."

"Stella, I think that..." I start.

"What do you feel?" She asks. "Anything?"

"I would like there to be more but I know if I tell you right now anything you might not believe me."

"I asked you first Mac," Stella quickly reminds me; my future spiraling downward faster than expected. "I honestly didn't expect to corner you like this but I just had to let it out. I was going to wait and you can blame me for not doing that, I accept that blame. But I see that I have once again tried to get something out of you that wasn't obviously there and I do apologize."

"Stella..." I try in haste, my brain signaling me to make amends before it's too late. But she holds up her hand and I have to stop.

"Sorry Mac it's over."

"No don't...Stella don't do this."

"I swear to you right now, that from now on, I'll just come in here, do my job and then leave without another word about this. Unless you want me gone sooner."

"Stella..."

"The choice is yours," she finishes with a slight swallow and a firm nod. "If you need me I'll be awaiting the team in the small meeting room. Might as well get this over with right?"

With my heart about to explode, frame slightly trembling and mouth agape, she turns and leaves; forcing me to just stare in silent misery and torment. I reach out a hand to pull her back but it doesn't connect and she doesn't look back. She's lost to me and I now fear for good.

"Sorry Stella," I whisper in misery as my head slightly bows. "Someday I hope you'll forgive me."

XXXXXXXX

I rush past Mac, my heart racing so fast that I need to find the nearest chair and sit down. I honestly didn't expect to corner him like that but I had to lay it on the line, I had to let him know what I wanted because sometimes with Mac you have to very direct and to the point. I didn't expect to hurt him or even to force him into any kind of rehearsed confession, I just want the truth. I want what is in his heart and I had hoped it was love for me.

But maybe, as I told him, I was wrong? Maybe I was the one that was pushing for this when he wasn't interested. Maybe he still had feelings for Aubrey? Lingering thoughts about Peyton? Or maybe he just wanted to remain alone forever. Either way I feel I might have just signed my own death certificate but if I didn't tell him now, I fear I would have regretted it. The place and time suck but then sometimes life doesn't always hand you the ideal situation on a silver platter, you have to just take it.

Damn, sometimes I hate how similar we are. Maybe in that moment I wouldn't have believed his words; thinking him telling me only what I want to hear and not telling me the truth? Maybe I should have waited for a more private setting? Maybe I should have just told him this all after work and then worked through it together? Maybe...

"Damn it," I curse myself as I quickly stand up and head for the small conference room. It's near the end of the day and I just want to tell the team, go home and have the largest glass of wine I can find. Maybe tomorrow will be better? I turn back and see Mac talking to Danny and once again my stomach tightens. Can I really do this? Can I really tell my team that I am leaving them? Is this really happening?

I take a deep breath and then reach the small room first, fixing myself beside the door so that if I feel the need to throw up I can just dart out and do that. After what seems like a small eternity, Lindsay and Sheldon are the first to enter, glancing at me with small smiles but neither having a clue as to the nature of the meeting.

"Stella, do you know what this is about?"

"I do. But we need to wait for Mac," I answer meekly, and both exchange quizzical expressions. Before they can say another word, Danny and Adam file in, a few minutes later Sid and then Flack hovering just outside; Mac of course waiting until the last possible second. As soon as he enters, the air starts to suffocate me as he can only meet my gaze for a few seconds and then looks away.

"I have called you all here because...well Stella has an important announcement that is going to affect the future of this team."

"You and Mac are finally getting married!" Lindsay blurts out with happy enthusiasm and my heart shatters instantly.

I look over at her, note the expectant expression on her innocent face and feel my eyes water instantly, Mac looking away in haste, his shoulders slumping as I shake my head 'no'. I didn't have to pile more guilt on him - Lindsay unwittingly did that for me. Mac turns and looks at me, his eyes watery but his lips unable to offer a fair rebuttal. _Oh god what have I done?_

"I'm leaving the team," I manage in a small voice.

A hush instantly falls over the team, all sets of eyes on me, no one able to move, no one daring to breathe. Did they hear me right? Did I just make a joke? What does this mean? Am I really leaving? Where? Why? When?

After a few seconds of them actually registering what I said, the room suddenly explodes with a myriad of frantic voices; all converging on me at once, nearly pinning me to the wall in an effort to pry me for every last detail that I can muster. I take a deep breath, praying for the room to stop spinning and my heart to hold out long enough for me to get through this.

But when I look up I notice something is noticeably different - Mac is gone.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope not to angsty but there will be happy moments coming and of course a happy ending! So where is Mac? What will the team say? Will Stella find Mac?

**PS: **I have also updated my season 7 SMACKED forum with the latest spoilers and eppy discussion threads. Please drop by (click the forums link on my main profile page) and talk to fellow smacked fans about anything NY (Esp what is going on with the upcoming season).


	4. Lay it All on the Line

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 4 - Lay it All on the Line**

* * *

"Okay so let me just explain a few things first," I fairly shout to the team, my heart now anxious to go and find Mac, but my mind telling me he's probably in his office sulking.

"I guess I was way off," Lindsay states with a pout.

"You? I'm still keeping my money in the office pool for these two," Sid pipes up and I can only offer him a kind smile as he looks at me in wonder. "Well _we all _were hoping."

I look past Sid to Don, his expression one of shock and remorse. Outside of Mac, I will miss Don the most, he's been like the brother I never had over the years, the voice of reason and the one pulling for Mac and I the hardest. Wait what am I saying? I'm not leaving the planet, I'll only be a few hours away by plane. But still...it's not the same.

"So I have been approached to run the lab in New Orleans."

"Louisiana?" Adam manages.

"Well it ain't Jersey," Danny frowns. "So you'll be in charge?"

"I will," I confirm with a slight nod, my stomach sick and tight. I want to see happiness on their faces, but right now all I see is shock and betrayal and now I'm wondering why I made this choice; isn't anyone happy for me? _Are you happy for you? _My brain jeers.

"They are rebuilding the team and in the wake of Katrina the very city itself. So I'll be in the heart of the action with my own team to lead and call my own."

"Great and we thought Mac was tough to deal with before," Sid huffs. "Now he'll be unbearable without you to keep him in line."

"You guys are going to be just fine with..."

"She'll or whoever...will never replace you Stella," Lindsay states with a teary sniffle, her husband's arm around her shoulders. I look around the room at the somber expressions, most of them trying to paste on quick smiles as I make eye contact and I realize that this is going to be harder than I thought.

"Well um..." Danny starts and then allows his voice to die out.

"Guess its good this is ah...near the end of the day," Adam frowns, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets as he slowly rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Yeah will be kinda hard to concentrate on work now," Sheldon adds with a brave but tight lipped smile. "We will miss you."

"This is surreal. It's a joke right? You and Mac just made this up?" Lindsay utters in disbelief. "Stella, you are the heart of the team. Sid's right, you have kept Mac human and brought out his best side, you can't leave now. You can't be replaced."

In that instant my eyes water further and I know keeping a tough persona until the end of the day is going to be moot. I am going to leave right after this that is if the team lets me leave.

"Where will you live?"

"Who is your team?"

"When do you leave?"

"Will you help Mac train?"

"What will Mac do without you?"

"How about..."

"When will..."

"Are you sure..."

And on it went for the next hour until I was finally able to show the team that I needed a break. I know Don slipped out after Mac and he and I will have a heart to heart tomorrow because I know he'll have the most to say outside of Mac. Speaking of Mac...where the hell did he go?

In truth I needed Mac and I needed him now. I quickly take my leave, telling the team I am exhausted, emotionally drained and will be back in in the morning and they could start again. I escape into the hallway, heading for Mac's office. But as soon as I get there it's empty and his coat is gone.

"Damn it Mac, where are you?"

XXXXXXXX

_'You and Mac are finally getting married!' _

It was one of the biggest sucker-punches to the gut I have ever received. In that instant I knew things were going to go from bad to worse, Stella just pasting on a fake smile to hide the pain; part of which I am responsible for and then pretend like she's happy with this life altering decision.

"Mac!" Flack calls to me just as I duck out and make a dash for my office. "Wait a minute!"

"Not now Don."

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Sure explains a lot about the heated argument I witnessed this morning and your lame attitude during the day."

"I found out this morning and it wasn't my place to tell," I glare at him, my fists tight at my sides. "Stella needs you now."

"She needs you Mac," Flack glares back.

"I'm done," I state flatly before I turn and offer him my back as I walk away, heading into my office, grabbing my coat and then rushing for the exit stairs.

"And the team?" Flack stops me before I can push the exit door open. I turn to him with a look of remorse but know I don't really owe him anything as to my own personal demise.

"It's the end of the day and I'll deal with them tomorrow. It's time for them to be with Stella. Goodnight."

"Where are you going?" He grabs my arm and looks at me square on.

"The day is over."

"Please tell me you are not going to do something stupid."

"Define stupid?"

"Damn it Mac...leave the bar alone for tonight!"

"What the hell would you have me do Don?"

"Tell her how you feel for starters."

"I did!" I nearly shout. "And it made no difference."

"Are you sure you told her what you really feel inside? Or did you just give her what you thought she needed to hear."

"Which is?"

"A hearty helping of your bruised ego."

"That's enough," I warn Flack again as I glare at him in anger. "She's made her choice and...and that's it."

"Tell her you love her Mac. What the hell are you afraid if?"

"Her not saying it back!" I growl, his arm still on mine.

"Mac..." he tries.

"Goodnight," I snap as I jerk my arm free.

Without letting him get in another word, I push the door open and dart into the stairwell. I know it's a cowardly act but I don't care; I'll deal with the fallout from the team tomorrow. Right now all I can see is Stella's beautiful face wearing that anguished expression and I'm heart sick. I caused her pain and probably forced her to make the most painful decision of my life. I just need for this day to be over.

I reach the street level and stop - where on earth will I go? I don't want to go home as I know the silence will consume me. I don't want to go to a bar, if I get drunk I want to be at home. I could just change and go for a run? Might clear my head and get rid of some anxiety. In fact the longer I think about that the more I like the idea and before long I am in the back of a cab, heading for home.

I make it home and suddenly the silence seems thicker than normal. I glance at a picture of me and Stella on the fridge and curse before I head into my bedroom and quickly change. I need to get rid of at least some of the anger boiling inside me and I know that sitting at home could possibly cause me to break things or do something stupid I need to run. I haven't eaten since breakfast and am already feeling light headed and that I could pass out at any moment. In truth probably one swig of beer would do me in. But I don't care. I need a release. I need to get out of here.

I head back onto the street, no music as it reminds of _her_, letting the noise from the street try to dull my senses. _I'm leaving you Mac...I want the truth Mac...don't lie to me Mac...thought you two were getting married..._

And on it went, over and over in my head, the back and forth struggle with my heart until I reach the end of the road and stop, nearly collapsing on a park bench, my heart about to give way and my head pounding, dizziness threatening to take over.

"Stella..." my lips offer in weakness as I picture her anguished expression in my mind once more. I take a few deep breaths and then push myself back up. I realize that with no lunch in my system and with the way my mind has been expending energy I'm not surprised that I am now a bit light headed and dizzy. I need to get back home and just crash. The run back home takes a bit longer as I had stopped to help an elderly couple and by the time I get back I just want something cold to drink, a hot shower and a soft surface to pass out on. However, as I reach for the lone cold beer in the fridge my mind knows I need something stronger and against my better judgment I slam the fridge door shut and reach for the bottle of whiskey within striking distance.

I gaze upon the picture of me and Stella on the fridge and feel my fist tighten around the neck of the liquid poison. How dare she just spring news like this on me today! How dare she not tell me sooner, discuss with me or get my opinion. Of course in my anger, I can only ponder my narrow minded views, not thinking clearly that perhaps by my own actions I was the one that drove her away.

She had mentioned that I just up and dated Aubrey. Well that was right. I was scared after our race date. Well maybe not scared. I was...I don't know but if it was me that by that action forced her to step back and not want to confide in me then I deserved what I got today.

I take another hearty swig, my stomach burning from lack of food and my head pounding. I need food. Sadly I don't care at this moment.

"I hurt Stella," is all I can manage as I take another swig, shaking my head to try to clear the circles from before my eyes. However, shaking my head makes it worse. I hear the phone and reach for it.

"What?" I growl in anger.

_"Whoa Mac you okay?" Flack's voice asks in concern. "I called earlier and there was no answer."_

"I was busy. What's up?"

_"Are you drunk?" He asks as I take another swig._

"Yes!" I slam the phone down, causing it to clunk to the floor. "Drowning...my damn...sorrows."

I slightly stumble and then frown as the photo slips from my fingers and slowly glides to the floor. I bend to pick it up but then push myself up too fast, get head rush once again and falter, merely crashing into the wall beside me and cursing again at my own stupidity. And although, in reality I haven't had _that much _to drink, on an empty stomach and being so wound up, it feels like I have had about ten bottles of whiskey and not the small amount that is taunting me now.

_"Mac?" _I hear Stella calling to me and narrow my eyes in anger. I frantically look around, she's not here, I'm alone as I always will be.

_"Mac!" _I hear her voice again. I don't care as I take another swig, hoping to drown out her voice and hence flush my sorrows. Why would she come see me? She hates me and now so will the team! But her voice doesn't leave.

But the third time it's followed by a soft knock and I quickly turn in the direction of the door. But I misjudge my steps, in fact I misjudge everything.

"Stella..." is the last thing I say before the whiskey takes over, my world goes black and I crash to the floor in a miserable exhausted heap.

XXXXXXXX

_'I um...I don't know what to say,' _Flack had cornered me in the hallway as I had left Mac's office and had to find him.

_'Don this is...'_

_'You know this will kill him right?'_

_'And me?'_

_'He's not leaving.' _

_'Don...'_

Flack's words stung as he turned and left, his angry frustration easy to read and my mind and heart aching that I somehow have done something vile. I know I'll miss them all but...but for the entire ride to Mac's apartment I battled back and forth with myself over this decision. Of course they were upset I was leaving but then rebounded and were, well _seemingly _happy about the new start that awaited me. At least they said so.

I had tried to call Mac, several times in fact and wasn't really surprised when he didn't answer. I wouldn't if I was in his situation. In reality I had wanted him to sit and stew, I wanted him miserable and alone all night to ponder the fact that he didn't want to tell me the truth but when I got Don's call, my heart broke and I knew I would regret it if I didn't at least check on him. He would for me. He still is my best friend.

_'I was right Stella, he's in a bad shape and drinking himself into a coma.'_

_'Don he needs...'_

_'He needs you and you know it. You are the only one that can help him.'_

_'I need...damn it Don.'_

_'You don't have to stay. Just...'_

_'He walked out on me.'_

_'I can't go check. I'm stuck here. Just...'_

_'He should be checking on me.'_

_'This is stubborn as an ass Mac Taylor we are talking about,' Flack had sighed. 'Please?'_

_'Two mintues Don. I'll just hear he's okay and then I'm leaving. He...'_

_'He's afraid Stella.'_

_'Of what? Why can't he tell me.'_

_'I...I don't know. __Just make sure he's okay. Please?'_

And I just couldn't say no. I really wanted to tell Don that it was what Mac deserved and I hope he got what was coming to him for acting this way. But then I put myself in his place and would be just as miserable as he and so I let my love for him dictate my actions; love being of course the strongest force there is. And my actions took me to Mac's apartment.

But now as I stand before his door, key in hand, hearing the thud on the other side of the thick wood, my mind races with wonder. I quickly open the door and lightly gasp at the scene before me.

Mac, still dressed in his running clothes, passed out on the floor, bottle of whiskey in one hand and a picture of us in the other.

"Oh Mac," I lament as I close the door, whip off my coat and get to work. I gently pry the picture from this warm fingers, feeling my stomach tighten as I see the two of us together. Will we ever look that happy together again? Ever? Then I take the bottle, curse his pig-headed stupidity and put it far away. And then I head back to him.

"What have you done to yourself?" I mumble in misery.

Knowing that I won't be able to lift Mac's dead weight until he even slightly wakes up, I get a blanket from the small hall closet and then gently turn him over, cradling his head in my lap, and brushing some damp hairs off his forehead. His body is still slightly damp from his run, his firm chest gently lifting and his husky scent tempting my tired brain.

"Stel..." his pursed lips mumble.

I study his handsome face and frown. _'You know you're leaving will kill him right?'_

At first I didn't really take Flack's warning too seriously, but finding Mac in this drunken stupor, passed out on his floor has me worried. What if he did do something drastic and it was my fault? Could I live with the fact that I might have driven my best friend, the man I love more than anything to his own personal demise?

"Mac...wake up," I whimper as I quickly brush away a few stray tears before they can escape and splash on his face. His body slightly stirs and his eyes struggle to open. A few minutes later, eyelids slowly peel back, revealing watery blue orbs and his brow furrows.

"Ste-lla..." he offers with a slight slur. "You should...g..." he groans as he tries to twist himself out of my grasp. But in his weakened condition, he only succeeds in letting his head clunk onto the hardwood floor while his legs entangle with me and the blanket.

"Damn it Mac!" I curse out of frustration as I free myself and then pull back, allowing him to lift his head and look at me with wondering glance, his belly back on the floor. "Can you get up? Because you are too heavy for me to lift without help. And technically I'm still mad at you for walking out on me."

"Go...away," he grumbles before his head slumps back down, clunking on the floor once more. I just shake my head and roll my eyes, arms crossing on my chest but I am not giving in.

"You are a lousy drunk Mac," I huff as I unfurl myself and scoot closer, my fingers brushing his cheek. His eyes close momentarily before he slightly twists his head to look at me with a deeper frown. But he says nothing, only looks away before he finally tries to push himself upright. I waste no time in getting to my feet to help, trying to support his weight and at least get him onto his bed.

"I'll help you to bed and then I'm leaving."

"Fine," he growls.

We slowly trudge down the hallway, Mac muttering incoherent words about asking me to leave and then stay that I just tune him out; telling myself that when he's awake and sober we'll talk like mature adults. We get to his bedroom and just before we get to the bed, Mac stumbles, twisting me in his grasp and forcing me to fall to the bed first and his body on top.

My lips offer a slight gasp and he looks at me in shock. But then before I can say another word, his lips are on mine, hungrily devouring them, flooding my mouth with the taste of whiskey.

"Mac!" I growl as I try to push him back. As much as I want Mac coming on to me, I don't want it done in a drunken frame of mind, doing something both he and I know he'll regret in a few hours, only making matters worse and the chasm between us grow wider.

"Mac stop it!"

A look of horror crosses his face before he quickly moves himself off me, rolling to the side and then staring at the ceiling, anything but me.

"Mac..."

"Go Stella."

"But I..."

"GO!"

"FINE!" I shout back before I scamper to the edge of the bed, turning back to see him trying to crawl up to the head, slumping in place on his side, his back to me, his lips cursing his own name.

"Don't go," he finally utters after a few more seconds of thick silence.

"What?" I ask firmly.

He twists his head to look at me in sorrow before he finally flips onto his back and then holds my gaze. "Please Stella," he begs in torment. "I'm sorry...don't go."

"I should you know. After today I should just go."

"I know...please?"

I look at his face and know that as much as I would love to storm out the door and leave him in his miserable state, I just can't. I care too much. I love him. I ease myself onto my side, moving in closer and looking at him with a frown.

"You are a bad drunk Mac."

"Don't go," he utters again as his fingers extend and tenderly stroke my cheek. "Please?" He begs once more with a tone that is so heavy with anguish that it breaks my heart instantly and floods my eyes with tears.

I lean in closer and kiss his forehead, gently close his eyes with my fingers and then reach for the blanket and pull it over his shivering frame. "Rest Mac."

"But..." he tries as he opens his eyes in haste. I quickly clamp my fingers over his mouth and his lips smirk under my grasp.

"I will remove my hand only if you nod that you are going to get some rest and then talk later when you are sober and not going to say something stupid you'll regret or tell me later you were drunk when you said it and didn't mean it. Do you agree or do I need to find your duct tape?" I tease with a lighter tone.

His fingers gently pry my hand away just as his lips plant a soft kiss on them and then smiles. "Just don't go."

"I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

Mac finally allows his heavy eyelids to close and in a matter of minutes, is whisked into the dark realm of sleep; I however, doubt I'll ever sleep again. I look down at the man in my grasp and feel my heart start to ache. Can I really leave him?

XXXXXXXX

I don't know how long I was out, I just remember seeing Stella's face before I passed out for the second and final time, cursing my very stupidity for allowing her to find me in that condition. I slowly open my eyes, my head pounding and stomach gnawing with hunger. I cast my eyes upward and see Stella looking down at me with a soft smile.

"Welcome back. Feel better?"

"No. Sorry for my actions earlier."

"You should be," she teases as she allows me to slowly prop myself up so that I am sitting up a bit higher. I close my eyes and pray for the room to stop spinning long enough for me to say what I need to and then hope she leaves before she has to pity me too much longer.

"How did you know?" I ask with a pounding head.

"Woman's intuition," she replies softly, not confirming the source of her intution, even though I'm pretty sure it was Don.

"Stella..."

"Hungry?"

"Yes but...no I need to say something."

"You were angry Mac, I get it."

"Yes but..."

"And you were afraid of being hurt?"

"At work what I said was..."

"Selfish?" She interrupts and my face cringes.

"Yes," I admit humbly. "I was selfish and thinking only of me."

"That's a big admission Mac."

"You wanted the truth right?"

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

I gently twist myself so that I am looking at her face on, taking one of her hands in mind and holding it firmly. I really hadn't expected to confess my love, in my bed, after she had found me in a drunken coma, but although the timing sucks, it will have to do. I have to do this, right now - for us.

"That still doesn't excuse my behavior and I'm sorry I was selfish and stubborn."

"You were being classic Mac Taylor."

"Not getting any breaks am I?"

"Do you deserve them?" She counters.

"Fair enough," I pause hoping she'll throw me a much needed lifeline. She doesn't.

She only looks at me but doesn't offer me anything in the way of a verbal comeback. This time the confession stage is mine and I know she's not going to leave until I tell her the whole truth.

"I need to..."

"Mac you are drunk and..."

"No, I'm sober. I only had a few...okay more than a few but...listen I'm fine and I need to tell you this. Just hear me out. I am tired and a bit dizzy but I am not drunk and I need to say this now before...I just do."

"Okay."

"I know I have myself to blame for part of this and I'm sorry. Aubrey was...a mistake," I state slowly. "I thought...I guess I was caught up in a...no, no more excuses. She's a friend and nothing more."

"I'm a friend," Stella states sourly and I feel my face wince.

I look at her, my eyes begging hers for some kind of emotional relief; none of which I find. She intends for me to walk the entire self-confession path alone until she gets from me what she needs.

"I don't care for Aubrey at all. She was a mistake and I'm sorry that I pushed you away or didn't mention it or...if I hurt you. I know in the past two weeks we have tried to make something more and...at least I thought that, maybe I was wrong."

"You aren't wrong Mac."

"The professional part of me is very happy for you. You have worked harder than anyone I know and have earned this chance at being the boss and finally running the show. That part says to take it and make me proud and dont look back. I couldn't be prouder of you and I know I myself would have no trouble working side by side with you in charge."

I pause, thankful that Stella's face has softened. I am on the right track so feel the confidence to continue.

"The friend part of me will miss having a best friend at my side. Someone that helped me through Claire's death, the introduction of Reed and a few other personal life milestones that I doubt I could have faced on my own. The friend part wants you to stay so that when I need you, you'll be here. To listen, advise, whatever. I don't want to lose my best friend."

I pause again, taking another deep breath and looking away briefly.

"Mac?" Stella's warm tone calls my attention back to her. "Are you sure this is really you?"

"I know my...well my appearance doesn't put forth much confidence but I wanted to tell you...I just couldn't at work. I know that's what I wanted but...yes this is the truth."

"Then what else did you want to tell me? I know you are holding back something."

Can I do this? Offer the last bit of my confession? Actually tell her that I love her? What if she leaves anyway? What is she doesn't care? What if she doesn't love me back?

"But there is a part that selfishly wants you to stay right here and never leave. That part uh...well it doesn't want you to go for other reasons, personal reasons. It..." I stop and then shake my head, a nervous chuckle escaping my lips.

This time Stella's other hand joins the party, taking hold of my free hand so that both our hands are now tightly clasped together, growing heat between us at a rapid rate and the room to seem to shrink around us.

"This is hard."

"Doesn't have to be."

"I know but..."

"You've had a tough day Mac."

"Poor excuse. You have as well," I counter with a frown.

"You've told me many beautiful things Mac. You don't need to rush..."

"No you see that's it. You have always told me that I do hold back when it comes to things that are important to me. I need to say this before I lose the opportunity or it's too late to..."

"It'll never be too late. Whatever is in your heart will be w..."

"Stella, I love you."

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so I know this was heavy Mac confession chapter but it was needed right? So will Mac's confession make a difference? Will Stella still leave? Anymore fallout from the team? Don? More to come so stay tuned and thanks again - SMACKIES RULE!


	5. A Little Heart to Heart

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 5 - A Little Heart to Heart**

* * *

Hearing all of Mac's beautiful and heartfelt words, forced me to want to just pull him into my arms and kiss him until he wasn't able to breathe. But hearing him tell me he loves me, forced me to actually take a step back.

_Mac loves me? Really? This is serious. Can I really leave now? Can I destroy my future by my own doing?_

"I..." I start as a lump forms in my throat and a tear escapes and slides down my cheek. My eyes close as Mac's fingers brush against my soft skin, forcing my pulse to quicken and my heart to race.

"You do?"

"It's the truth Stella and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I know the timing sucks but...I was scared...scared that you didn't want to or couldn't love me back. And I..."

I shake my head, Mac can't love me, this just makes this worse. My tears start to fall and before I know what's happening, I am pulling away and rushing for the door, Mac calling my name and stumbling after me as I try to escape.

"I can't..."

"Stella, wait!"

I reach the door to his apartment, just as his fingers gently grasp my arm and pull me back into his strong embrace.

"Don't go."

"I..."

"Stella, what is it...did I say something wrong or..." is all I allow will Mac to get out before I place both hands on either side of his face and cover his mouth with mine, hungrily devouring his fragrant lips, my fingers clawing at his t-shirt until I am now exploring his soft bare skin. My tongue pushes deeper into the folds of his mouth, keeping him quiet as I allow his hands to pull off my coat and then start to work on my sweater.

I finally pull back from his mouth, my lips nibbling his rough cheek as his fingers start to tease the small of my back, moving lower and forcing a gasp of delight as he works to free my dress pants. My lips tug on his soft lobe, carnal passion now coursing through both of us as we finally give in to what has been simmering in our very souls for the past ten years - raw hungry desire.

I toss Mac's t-shirt over his head as he finally discards the last vestige of my clothing; neither of us making it to the bedroom, the spot carpet in the hallway now having to shield our moving bodies from the harsh flooring. His husky scent is driving me wild with pleasure and I can't wait for this union to begin; to make him mine, fully mine.

"You are so beautiful," Mac murmurs as he gazes down at me in delight.

"I..." I start.

This time it's his turn to silence me with another round of hungry kisses, his mouth enjoying mine before he moves to my neck and forces my body to arch into his strong grasp. Our union finally starts, Mac's hands holding my hips while my hands grasp his back, each of us being satisfied with all that the other has to offer.

Words, right now are not needed, as desire and passion take over both of us, dictating our actions and limiting our speech to moans of pleasure and love.

"Stella..." Mac finally whispers into my ear, his voice strong and commanding and yet begging and hopeful at the same time. It's beautiful and I curse myself in that instant for allowing this moment to be the one I choose to tell him how much I love him.

"I love you Mac!" I gasp, nearly out of breath, my heart racing just as fast as his.

He looks down at me with a surprised expression, my mouth finding his before he can counter that comment and enjoying a feast of his lips once more. A blissful eternity seems to pass as we each take turns offering the other any expression of intimacy we can and then selfishly taking back all in return. Hearts racing, sweat forming and heat building as we continue.

"Stella...now."

"Mac!" I utter in one past pant before our union comes to an end and we are both still, lying on the damp rug in the middle of his hallway.

Mac quickly props himself up on his elbows and looks down, lovingly brushing a damp curl that was pasted to my flushed brow. "That was amazing, you are amazing."

"Thank you Mac."

"For what?" He asks in surprise.

"For making me feel loved and wanted and beautiful enough to want to give that all back to you."

"You do really love me?"

"With all my heart," I confess with a slight frown. "But this just complicates things right?"

"Doesn't have to," Mac replies slowly as his fingers slowly massage my warm cheek. "But I think I just told you not to go."

"Damn you," I whisper with a grin and his face softens. "What the hell do I do now?"

Mac remains silent, only offering me a slight shrug and a soft frown before he spoons up beside me, both of us still naked in the hallway.

"Are you hungry?" He wonders and I just nod my head. "Spicy orange chicken."

"A man after my own heart."

"I..." he starts only to have me push my finger to his flushed lips and stop him.

"No...it'll hurt too much to hear the truth right now."

"Fair enough. Want a shower while you wait?" Mac wonders after nodding in agreement.

"No, I want you on me for as long as possible," I manage as my eyes water.

"Stella..."

"I'm sorry."

"And you get after me for saying things like that," he whispers as he leans in and kisses away a tear right beside my eye.

"Mac...maybe I..." I start only to have him kiss me on the lips and stop my speech.

"I'm hungry too," he admits, arching his brows and knowing that we both need to change the subject before we drown in melancholy.

"I love you Mac, please believe me."

"I do. Do you believe that I love you?"

"I do and always will," I reply with a smile.

We finally both get off the floor, not worried about the carpet burn or slight bruises that will show tomorrow as both of us are hungry and now wondering how the rest of this is going to play out. Mac heads for the shower as I pull on his robe and then take the task of getting things ready for dinner. But as I hear the water start up, Mac humming away and look at the table set for two I realize that this really could be the emotional death for both of us.

Can I really just up and walk away from all this?

XXXXXXXX

_Stella loves me. _Those words jump around in my brain for the duration of my shower. _She loves me and she's leaving me. _That thought follows next. How can she leave? I told her I love her, is that not enough? Will she go? And if she does, will now I have to tell myself that if we love each other, our love will survive this small detour and in the long run we'll be together?

But after having a taste of _that, _how can I survive tomorrow with the knowledge that that could be our last intimate union for some time. I lean my head against the tiles and close my eyes, allowing the hot water to try to settle my nerves, which of course it doesn't. Knowing that Stella is waiting, I finish, dry off and then slowly wander toward my eating area and stop. My stomach tightening, but for other reasons.

Stella has set the table for two, some candles that I didn't even know I owned were lit, two glasses and some wine, a smaller glass for me I have to chuckle at. I hear her humming to herself and now wonder if I'll ever have this peaceful domestic setting again? _Oh I'm doomed._

Stella comes around the corner and smiles at me, gesturing with her head for me to join her at the table, something I can't seem to do fast enough.

"Thank you," I praise as my hands rest on her forearms and my lips brush her forehead. She looks at me with a warm gaze, the moment broken only by a soft knock at the door and it's finally time to eat. I get my wallet as Stella accepts and arranges the food and finally it's time to sit down and eat; something we both need to do. I don't care about the time, I just hope and pray this night never ends.

Neither of us wants to broach the topic of Stella's possible move to New Orleans so our conversation instead revolves around the food and whatever news topic had broached today's headlines. However, that doesn't last long and soon we are both bathed in uncomfortable silence.

"We have to talk about this Stella."

"I know," she replies, not looking up. "It's just that..." she starts and then looks up with a tight smile and I know she's once again holding back.

"Stella, don't hold back on my sake."

"I want to be in charge Mac. To have my own team, my own lab...to be the one to make the decisions and call the shots. I'm ready for it, I know I am. I know I could make this work."

"Did you ever doubt that?"

"Thought if I told myself I couldn't do it then it would make my decision easier."

"Stella, you have never walked away from a problem or backed down from a fight your entire life. This is just another challenge that you'll meet successfully."

"Without you at my side."

"I'm not that far away."

"Further than an office next door," she reminds me in sorrow and silence festers once again. And she's right, the best thing that we have right now is the fact that we have such close working space, just literally right next door whenever a problem arises or we just need to see the other. Now all that will end.

"You said temporary right?" I ask, absently watching my fingers playing with the fortune cookie wrapper. Suddenly Stella's fingers snatch the piece of plastic from me, prompting me to look up at her in wonder.

"I don't have to go," she states pointedly.

"Something tells me that deep inside you want to."

"A few hours ago, I was ready. But now...well you've changed everything."

"Sorry."

"Are you sorry you love me?" She wonders.

"No, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," I confess with a soft smile.

"We can make this work, can't we Mac?"

In that very instant I know I've lost her. Her heart is set on this promotion and in truth I can't blame her, I would do the same if the situation was in reverse. Now it's time for me to let go of my selfishness and be the loving support pillar I know she needs. However, when she leaves, I fear my life will truly be over.

XXXXXXXX

The tone in Mac's voice when he said he was sorry tugged once more at the desires of my heart. That's why this is so difficult. Yes I'm excited, I get to be the boss. But why not a place closer? Like Jersey. But I know that I am now just trying to justify it in my head and I can't do that. The job is in New Orleans and that is where I have to go in order to accept it. I look at Mac and can see the same inner battle being waged inside his head as inside mine. _What will happen to both of us when I am actually gone?_

"We will make it work," Mac assures me as he leans in closer and kisses my cheek. "But I won't lie," he huffs as he pulls back and gives me a serious stare. "It will be hard. I am not that big a fan of uh...well long distance relationships," he finishes and I feel my face wince at his reference to his strained relationship with Peyton that ended with him having a broken heart.

"I know. And I feel to blame for..."

"No Stella, you'll never be to blame. Please don't think like that."

We finally pull away from the table, working at getting all the leftovers into whatever containers Mac has available and then finally wander back to his bedroom, Mac easing himself under the covers and then waiting for me to curl up beside him, which I do willingly. I delight in the feel of my head resting on his chest, his arm holding me tightly and once again feel a small lump as he whispers _'I love you Stella' _once again.

"I love you too Mac," I manage, this time my grasp around him tightening. And from the sheer bouts of both mental and physical exhaustion that we both endured today, it doesn't take long before we are both asleep, well at least for a few solid hours.

The next time I open my eyes I look up to see Mac awake but looking at something in the distance. I follow his eyes and allow my gaze to rest upon another picture of us and I feel his chest heave another sigh. Yesterday was such a roller coaster of emotional revelations that I'm surprised I'm actually not sick today. Mac loves me, he said we'll try to make this work, am I really leaving...and on it went. He must sense I'm awake, because he quickly looks down and smiles.

"Morning," his warm baritone voice greets.

"Morning back," I whisper as I twist my neck to kiss him on the lips. "Sleep well?"

"As well as can be expected," he gently frowns. "And you?"

"My mind too was active," I frown, his fingers smoothing out the skin just above my eyes. Mac's fingers gently rest on my face, playing with my jaw and then resting on my lips; my mouth pursing to offer them a kiss, to which his eyes crinkle with delight. "So what do we do now?" I ask; something I hate doing, but something I know I must.

"I don't know," he sighs heavily.

Mac slumps onto his back, sending a small shockwave down the length of the bed and forcing me to giggle before I prop myself up and then look down at him. "I mean it's not like you aren't going to help me move?"

"Could I just chain you to the bed and keep you here?" Mac smirks as his face warms by his own naughty suggestion.

"Ah yes a thought I have had about you many times," I wink.

"Oh really?" He arches his brows.

"Well you are bad a lot more than I am."

"I'm not moving," he counters and I wince.

"Yeah I guess you always have that trump card," I sigh as his hand brushes my cheek on the way to my ear, tucking a golden curl away.

"I'm sorry," he frowns. "I'll offer you whatever support I can, you know that right? Just...well just don't expect me to be very happy about it."

"_You...very happy?_" I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"Okay that's it!" He playfully growls as he suddenly flips himself over so that he's now pinning me to the bed and devouring my lips with his warm mouth. He pulls back and then looks at me with a serious expression.

"I love you," he whispers warmly before he kisses me once more, my fingers keeping a firm hold on the hair at the back of his head so that his mouth remains where I want it. A few more breathless minutes later he pulls back with a flushed face; our hearts racing together as one.

"I love you too Mac. That's why this is hard. I really do want to try this. I want to be the boss and...and it just sucks that it's so far away and we just - connected."

"Well I do have a _few _vacation days I can use up," Mac replies slowly, his brow still furrowed. "It won't be easy but..."

"It'll be hell Mac at first, you and I both know that," I gently grumble. "But as you said you do have about a years worth of time off and we'll just focus on that."

"And work before then."

"And more of this," I whisper as my fingers tug his hair once more and capture his lips between mine before he can utter another word.

XXXXXXXX

Allowing Stella to have her way with me once again this morning is something I will selfishly cherish. As we make love for what I fear might be the last time, I give all I can, taking back whatever I need and trying to tell myself that this is only the beginning and not the end; this is a minor detour and before long she'll be where she belongs, at my side once again.

However, unlike making love to Stella last night, right now I am able to enjoy every second with her. How her hair dances around her shoulders; her eyes sparkle when I do something she loves, the sound of her calling my name, how her body arches upward into my grasp and finally hearing her tell me she loves me as she gives me her most intimate embrace.

How the hell can I just let this all go?

We finally finish, both out of breath but with happy flushed faces. We linger together awhile longer before I look up at the clock and know that even though it's early she has to go home and get ready we have a big day ahead. I know the team will be taking turns hounding me for answers and I do have to face Sinclair and then finally come to terms with slowly letting Stella out of my grasp.

But for how long?

"I'll see you soon," she whispers as her hand rests upon my rough cheek.

"Wish we could stay like this all day," I gently whimper as we both slowly make our way off the bed, me grabbing my robe and then watching as Stella slowly gets dressed. Will I ever get to see this sight again? She looks up and sees me watching and smiles.

With a heavy sigh, I push myself up and we both head for the door, pausing long enough for me to hold her close and devour her mouth once more, a promised I love you before she disappears and then I am alone. I quickly head for the bathroom to get my day started, my heart now starting to ache. What if tomorrow I wake up and she's gone? What will it be like going into work and seeing her office empty? A new face instead of hers? I give myself an angry grunt as I reach for the razor, start my shave and then get into the shower.

But my anxiety doesn't ease under the hot water, in fact the faster I get ready to head out the door, the quicker my mood drops so that by the time the elevator deposits me on the 35th floor, my heart is thudding painfully in my chest. I see Flack hurrying toward me and I cringe, praying he won't bring up yesterday, but knowing he will.

"Mac."

"I'm not in the mood Don," I hold up my hand to warn him and then hurry past into my office. "I have to brief Sinclair and then it's back to business as usual."

"What the hell happened last night?"

"Why did you call Stella?"

"I would have called you if the situation was reverse," he shoots back, holding his ground as he looks at me square on.

"It wasn't your place."

"It was my place to stop you from doing something stupid and I did. You once got after me for my behavior that was brought on by anger, guilt and alcohol and I was doing the same. You wouldn't let me self destruct and I wasn't going to let you either."

"Don I...I appreciate it thank you," I huff as I reach for my desk phone.

"Why are you letting her go?"

"I have no choice Don. It's a great opportunity for her and...and I think she's made up her mind."

"Mac..."

"I can't Don. I uh..."

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

"Oh not you also!"

"Damn it Mac, Stevie Wonder could see what's going on between you two."

"Yes I told her and that's it. She uh...she said things back and they were...it's personal but still...it didn't matter, she's leaving."

"It could still..."

"Arguing about this isn't going to help either of us!" I state firmly as Danny pokes his head around the corner. "Now drop it."

"Mac, is Stella really leaving?"

"Yes. Now unless..."

"Why? I mean..." Danny starts only to have me shoot them both a warning glance and they finally get the hint. However, my time on the hot seat isn't over. As I take my file and head downstairs to see Sid.

Then I am ambushed again.

"So have you proposed yet Mac?"

"Pardon Sid?"

"Well a proposal would make her stay you know," he mentions in a kind tone with a warm smile. However, my annoyance is almost at the very top and so I just utter a small curse snatch the autopsy results from his fingers and turn to leave.

"Thank you for this."

"She'd say yes," he calls out as I finally disappear into the hallway.

"Hey boss...for Stella, I mean was it a question of money? Because I know how she got everyone to help out when I was..."

"No Adam it wasn't money. It was the opportunity," I huff as I dodge one more team member but then am quickly pin-balled to another.

"Was I out of line to say that yesterday?" Lindsay asks softly, her face just as downcast as yesterday.

Great now a whole day of moping people. The city is going to go to hell in a hand basket and I'll be to blame for everyone suffering from emotional breakdown!

"No it was just a bit surprising," I confess to her in truth.

"Really? Because the signals you two have given off especially as of late.." her voice trails off, prompting me to look up at her in wonder. "Right well..."

"We are close friends Lindsay."

"Well I don't believe it, but I do understand you wanting to be private about it and am so happy for you both. I mean the whole team knows and is pulling for you two so you always have our support and blessing."

"Lindsay..."

"Well when you _do_ propose," she rambles on, not allowing me a rebuttal. "I'll be the first, well second to know."

"Are you done?"

"Yes. But just make sure you don't take too long," she rushes and I just shake my head and dart past her. When is this day over?

I spy Stella getting off the elevator and pause, just offering her a smile and feeling my stomach tighten. I thought I'd be able to handle today, telling myself that I need to be strong and everything will be fine. However, as I see her toward her office, I know one thing is certain every day from now on that she is actually here, where I can see her, is going to be the last one I'll really enjoy.

And when she leaves, I know I will just shrink away and die.

XXXXXXXX

As I had suspected all morning, the team was asking about my decision. Had I changed my mind overnight? Where was Mac? Did I find him last night and did we make up? Did he tell me to stay? If not why? If so was it because he loves me? If so would it make a difference and on it went. Until I finally escaped into my office for a few minutes to myself, and even that is short lived.

"Hey got a minute?" I hear Flack's voice ask in a soft tone as I look up and watch him enter. "Tough day so far?"

"You face Mac yet?"

"Yeah he read me the _mind your own damn business Taylor riot act _as I had suspected," Flack smirks before his face turns serious again. "He said that he well confessed _something _to you, and no he didn't say what and that it wasn't my place to ask but that it didn't matter and you are still going?"

"Don..."

"Okay Stell, here it is...you leave I'll be um...well I'll be upset also."

"I know that you guys don't want me to leave but..."

"But its a once in a lifetime opportunity and you just can't pass it up," he states matter of factly. "Mac said that too right?"

"First thing," I huff as I lean back in my chair. "Don I love him, I do and yes I told him that and yes he told me that back. And we are now committed to making this work. Heck I don't even know if I'm going to like it there. I might get there, last a few weeks and come back."

"You've never quit Stella," Flack frankly reminds me to which I just nod in agreement. "But long distance? You know most don't work out. And you know what happened to the last one Mac had to deal with?"

"I know and that's what I'm afraid of. Of losing the one person that means the most to me. Last night...I mean if you hadn't called me and...what'll happen to him the night I leave?"

"I'll make sure he's not alone," Flack counters.

"That's not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

"Damn it Don!" I curse and then look away. "You are not making this easy for me. Either of you."

"Didn't mean for it to be all about guilt but..." Flack's voice trails off until I look back at him with a wondering glance. "I guess I don't want to lose you either. We've been good friends and...well you are closer to me than my own sister but..." he pauses as his voice breaks, his lips offering a nervous chuckle. "I will miss you. I understand your decision and I am happy for the big promo but...but I will miss you. Won't be the same around here. The team won't be the same, not for me and I know not for either of you."

"Don..."

"Jess would have wanted us to all stay together, you know that."

"That isn't fair," I lament as my eyes well upon the memory of my lost friend.

"Sorry. Can't think of happy things to say right now."

A few minutes of silence pass before two heavy sighs are heard.

"Stella..."

"I need time to think Don, about all this and what I'll really be giving up and what I'll be getting in return."

"I didn't want to cause..."

"You know, I foolishly thought it would be easier. Didn't think it would hurt this much," I admit in a soft whisper.

Flack leans forward and looks at me with a serious expression before he speaks and when he does, the words cut right into my very soul.

They say the truth hurts. I just wasn't sure until this very moment that it would hurt _this much._

"It would be easier if you didn't care so much for those around you. I mean look how much you helped us all. _It was you _that was there for Sheldon after he was released from his false incarceration after Shawn Casey framed him. _It was you _that was first there for Lindsay when she had to go back to Montana for that trial. _It was you _that talked Danny into coming back after the blue flue to help out._ It was you _that helped keep Adam here in the lab after those budget cuts. _It was you _that helped me pick myself back up after Jess's death and Simon Cade and it was you...countless times over that saved Mac from himself. _It was you _Stella..that's why this hurts so much. That's_ what _you are giving up."

With those last soft spoken words, Flack swallows hard and then quickly stands up, not wanting me to see the tears now misting his crystal blue eyes. He turns and quickly heads out of my office, leaving me to drown in miserable silence.

"Oh god what have I done?" I lament in anguish as I quickly reach for a piece of paper and a pen. I can't breathe...I can't think straight and in a matter of seconds I won't be able to see as my stomach is tight and my tears are coming. I need to leave. I need to think and I need to do it away from here. Away from Mac.

I scrawl my note on the paper and then hurry for the door, shoving my coat up my arms and then heading for Mac's office, praying he's not there. That prayer is answered and I place the note down and disappear from the building, not wanting to see the look on his handsome face when he returns.

_'Mac, I'm sorry. Stella.'_

* * *

**A/N:** so thoughts on this chapter? Think Don was right? THink Mac will find her? Sorry guys back to the angst, but bear with us b/c happier times will come and of course a happy ending. Hope you are all still liking this and thank you again in advance!


	6. Countdown to Zero

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 6 - Countdown to Zero**

**A/N: **Thanks again everyone and hope you continue to like what's to come.** TGIF SMACKIES!**

* * *

I finally finished up with Adam and then head toward my office, wanting to stop off at Stella's to see if she wants to have dinner. I need to show her that I don't want to make her life or this damn decision any more difficult than it already is; although part of me, a big part is hoping she'll just call what's his name back and decline.

However, the other part of me, the smaller more rational part of my mind, tells me that she's already going and I now need to be the friend I have always claimed to be and support her no matter what. I had spent most of the night telling myself that if I had only confessed my love for her earlier then we wouldn't even be having this discussion or tension right now.

I reach her office only to find it empty, lights off and coat gone; a sinking feeling starting to develop in the pit of my stomach. I quickly head for my office only to see a note on my desk and my agitation skyrockets.

_'Mac, I'm sorry. Stella'_

"Where the hell did she go?" I ask myself as I reach for the phone, dialing her cell and then her home. When I get no answer to either I slam the phone down and curse. _Is this how she felt yesterday when I pulled a disappearing act? _If so then I guess I deserve it.

I call Don's desk only to find that he's out on a call and it's just me, left to ponder where my beloved partner and best friend might have gotten to. _Partner. _Oh how that word is going to take on new meaning possibly in a few weeks. But it'll never be the same, they might be my partner in title only but no one could ever replace Stella in my mind or heart; no matter what.

I allow my weary frame to slump down in my chair and glance at an email from Sinclair, titled, '_Rumor about Bonasera leaving?'_

"Oh hell, better get this over with," I grumble as I reach for the phone. But I quickly put it back down, Stella hasn't officially resigned yet. There is still hope that this all can be just a nasty rumor by weeks end and I'll only get a minor scolding for not keeping my team in check.

I look at the clock and then dial her number once more. Again only empty rings greet me. I push myself from my chair, saying it's already after hours and Sinclair can wait until tomorrow; right now I need to find Stella. On the cab ride to her apartment, I allow my mind to drift back to the amazing night we spent last night, making love and then waking up together. The only downside was that Stella had to go back to her apartment and then we arrived separately.

I reach her apartment and feel my heart start to beat rapidly, not from anxiety but from anticipation that once I step into her apartment I might be able to take her in my arms and we can once again enjoy more of what we did last night; this time of course I'll have not one drop of alcohol to affect my judgment.

I knock on her door and then wait, hearing only silence and telling myself that maybe she's just resting and doesn't want to be disturbed. But a few more knocks and my curiosity starts to grow.

"Stella?" I call out softly as I pull out the spare key that she entrusted to me, something I have held in high esteem since she told me about her no men policy. But when I get no answer and then use my phone and only hear empty rings once again I quickly open the door and stop.

"Stella?" I try again as I am embraced by silence. I hurry toward her bathroom and bedroom, only to find them empty; looking as if she hasn't been home at all. Now my panic starts to build. I dial Sullivan's and find she's not there and then I try Don once more.

_"No sorry," Flack's voice sighs heavily on the other end. "Her and I talked and then she said she had things to think about and then I was called away and she must have left."_

"What uh...did you talk about? What things did she need to think about?"

_"Her decision Mac," Flack answers frankly. "Can't imagine it's easy for her."_

"Right okay thanks and go..."

_"Mac?"_

"Yeah?"

_"There is one place you could try, but I think you already know where that is."_

And Don is right. As soon as I hang up the phone, I rush back outside and get into the nearest cab, giving them an all too familiar address and just praying that I get there before she leaves. I briefly close my eyes, trying to get my heart rate to cooperate but it just doesn't want to; I'm anxious and nervous and agitated and happy and depressed all at once. No wonder I feel like I need something to dull my senses. But no more alcohol to cloud my thinking.

I finally reach St. Basil's and get out, slowly heading toward the one spot Stella told me that she goes when she needs a quiet place to think. I reach the back and see her there and stop, just watching, committing the sight to memory. Her back to me, golden curls reflecting the soft glow from a diffused light a few feet away, posture slightly slumped but when she turns to me, her face softens and my heart skips a beat.

"I missed you," I offer in honesty. "Am I allowed?" I arch my brows, waiting for an invitation.

XXXXXXXX

I am not really surprised that Mac was able to track me down here, he's always known where to find me in a time of mental and emotional crisis. Today would qualify as one of those days, in fact I think every day until I...leave? As I look at the expression on his face I am not even sure if I want to contemplate that now.

"Always," I finally find the correct word and he leaves his spot and comes and sits down beside me, his body adding instant warmth.

"Wanna talk about it?" Mac asks, his eyes daring to keep forward instead of looking at mine.

"Almost tired of talking about it," I huff as I look back down to the small leaf that is clutched between my fingers. "Sorry for my abrupt departure but um...well Don dropped by and...and he reminded me of all the things I would be leaving behind."

"Stella..." Mac starts, looking at me in misery and my heart slows to a dull thud.

"But he was right," I admit in a soft whisper as I look back down. Suddenly his warm hand is covering mine, flooding me with added heat and making my heart want to remove the thud and add some happiness. That is short lived.

"Can they be taken with you?"

"Pardon?"

"Memories come with us right?" Mac tells me in truth as we both finally look up and just lock on to the other's gaze. "I just want you to do what you want to do. And something tells me that in your heart..."

"No Mac, that's not it," I interrupt in haste, "my _heart _wants to stay here...with you," I confess as my free hand drops the leaf and rests on his cheek. His warm blue eyes are shielded for a brief second by closing eyelids, a gesture that warms my heart instantly. "My _head_ is the one that wants this opportunity; to be the boss and make it work."

Mac looks at me but says nothing, his brain probably also trying to reason if I should listen to my head or my heart; a losing battle between my personal happiness and professional potential.

"I can't tell you that Stella, you know my thoughts."

"You want me to stay for you but you want me to go for me..." I moan as I pull my hand away, push myself up walk away a few feet, Mac quickly following me. His hands gently rest on my forearms, pulling me back against his chest and then holding me close.

"You know why," he whispers in my ear, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine as our cool breath dances in the air around us. "Stella I love you, but I can't be the one to hold you back. My love for you wants you to succeed and...and I can't do this either," he growls before turning away. "Damn it Stella, why didn't I tell you sooner?" His tense back remains to me.

"I guess we were always so worried about tripping over professional protocol and..."

"To hell with Sinclair, stay with me Stella," Mac turns, his eyes begging and his face one of defeat. In that moment my heart breaks instantly. "But I am being selfish so..." he starts and then stops, gently cupping my face and pressing his lips upon mine. "I want you to succeed," he pulls back and offers in truth. "I waited and now..."

"No it's not fair to put this all on yourself Mac. I really didn't think about what I was doing when I even entertained this thought. It's a big decision and..."

"I want you to take it Stella."

"What?" I ask in shock. "Mac..."

"I guess like you said, I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"Please Stella...don't ask me for that right now. The truth would be too painful to say."

"At least tell me that you are not going anywhere."

"I'm not going anywhere Stella. I love you too much."

I rest my head upon his shoulder, my watery eyes staring off into the darkness that surrounds us, his arms wrapping around me and tenderly stroking my back.

I think in the stillness of the night we finally reached a non verbal conclusion; I was going to take the position, our love would remain and we would do everything we could to make it work. Was our future now damned?

XXXXXXXX

I holds onto Stella for what feels like an eternity before I finally ease my grasp and turne her to face me. I know that letting her go is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I never watched Claire die, never got her remains and so never got proper closure. I love Stella, more than anything, but now it feels like I am losing her to my own doing. I should have told her earlier, years earlier and then we wouldn't even be here; we'd be settled, in a happy family setting with no thought of tearing the world away from the other.

But I also can't hold her back forever, wanting her to be my second and never reach her full potential just because I screwed up and am now scared to face the reality of my tardiness. I have to let her to go and then try with all my power to make this work. Is my future now over?

"Hungry?" I inquire softly.

"Not really," she admits tenderly as my fingers slowly stroke the last stray tear from her perfect face. I lean in and kiss her cheek, allowing my mind to reveal in the scent that is Stella Bonasera. Damn this is going to kill me.

"Tea?" I ask again.

"Tea I would like," she agrees with a nod as we finally break apart, my arm snaking around her waist and holding her close as he head back to reality and a waiting cab. The next stop her apartment. We have both finally agreed that she didn't have to hand in an official resignation letter, that I would leave that up to her; leaving the door open for her to return if she ever wanted.

We also agreed that I would help her move but until that actual moment we wouldn't talk about further moving details as it would be too painful and might strain our growing relationship. She said she wouldn't pester me into helping her pack and maybe it's better that way. Stella starts to chatter away about the things she's researched so far in New Orleans and I feel myself tense; she sounds excited and happy when she starts talking about it.

_The flight is only a few hours, Mac._

My mind starts to spiral downward, this is really happening. She's leaving and I'm allowing it to happen. I love her but hate long distance relationships. I hate flying, I always have. What will I do?

We finally reach her apartment and I hesitate before entering, cursing myself for once again drowning in mental melancholy instead of trying to see the silver lining.

"Mac," Stella finally snaps me from my miserable revelry. "I need you to be strong for both of us right now. I mean I might get down there and hate it."

"Sorry," I paste on a small but fake smile as I remove my coat and then follow her into the kitchen. "So..." I ask as I pull open the fridge. I turn to see her watching with an expectant expression and before I know it, I have closed the gap, pulled her into my arms and am devouring her mouth with hungry force. Her lips offer soft moans as I feel her body giving itself to me, but I can't seem to get enough, my mind and heart racing as we continue.

"Mac..." she breathes as her fingers frantically work the small buttons on my dress shirt, finally removing it and tossing it aside, our bodies nearly bare and our union nearly about to start. Her fingers grasp my dress pants as mine hers and after a few more heated moments our union is finally underway right in her kitchen.

"Love that..." she gasps as I offer her something of delight.

"More Stella..." I moan as a reward for her actions.

For the moments that follow we trade one heated word for another, offering to the other and then taking in return so that each of us are satisfied by the time our names are both called and the union is fulfilled.

"One of these days..." Stella gently pants as we rest on the warm kitchen floor. "We are going to...have to try a bed."

"We did yesterday...morning," I remind her in haste as my fingers make swirly patterns in her glistening skin and then hear her stomach slightly rumble. "Ah I see someone has worked up an appetite."

"Can you blame me?"

"Not at all," I answer as I kiss her cheek. "What do you have?"

"Well..." she replies with a smile as she twists herself around, pulls the fridge door open which offers a cool blast to our naked frames.

"Well better than a cold shower," I frown and she giggles.

Both of us finally get up off the floor, slightly re-dress and then work at putting at least a few things on the table for us to eat, talking once again about whatever is on TV, but trying tactfully to avoid the one topic that is silently tearing us apart. Finally we both head into the bedroom, my arms folding around Stella as she succumbs to sleep, I however, remain awake.

I do want this for her, I want to be the one to say I trained her, I was with her from the start and that is the woman I love. But how can I do that on a regular daily basis when I'm not there? Tell the team? They already know that. What other sense of self gratification am I seeking? And why am I even seeking it? To once again _selfishly _fill a void I know that her leaving is going to cause; once again by my own doing?

"Mac, switch your brain off right now," Stella's voice gently commands, snapping my attention back down to her. My brow furrows in the dimly lit room but she says nothing further and I know I'll not get a second warning. I do need sleep. Telling myself that that Stella is only going to be gone for a few months, I force my mind to dwell on that and allow it in turn to command my body to sleep; at least for a few hours.

The next morning arrives far too fast and both of us are once again scrambling to get ready for the day after another early morning sexual adventure. Damn I'll miss starting the day off like that. I know that even if she was staying that we wouldn't be able to do this all the time, but I will rue the day when this ends.

About a half hour later, I finally enter the lab, my mind still dreading my discussion with Sinclair but as I see him waiting I realize that I have no preparation time and I am not even sure what I am going to tell him. Guess that surprise is over.

"I need a minute Taylor," Sinclair greets with his usual frown as he follows me into his office, closing the door and not even allowing me to remove my coat before he starts. "Rumor has it Bonasera is leaving for New Orleans."

"She's been offered a lead position with Greg Fields in New Orleans."

"Good man. When's her last day?"

"A few weeks," I admit sourly. But when he pauses I look at him in wonder. "Sir?"

"Nothin'," he shrugs. "Just always thought you two would be around this place forever. You know...as _partners_," he finishes with a small wink.

I stare in him utter shock. Sinclair thought that about us? A man who lives and breathes the rules down my neck every single day? Have I been that blind for so long?

"I uh..."

"Well never mind about that. We need a replacement and..."

"I have already thought about it and I would like to promote Danny Messer to assistant supervisor and..."

"You think he's ready?"

"We all had to start somewhere right?" I ask with a heavy frown. "And that way we can get another entry-level CSI to help Adam. Less to train up front. But both the newbie and Adam will flourish with Lindsay and Sheldon who are more than ready to be regular mentors in the lab and in the field."

"Don't want someone experienced at your right hand?"

"Danny is experienced Sir. He's proven himself time and again and has logged more field time than Sheldon, although I do think Sheldon would be very capable as well. But that is only my recommendation."

"And if you were to be absent say for a..."

"A what?"

"Holiday, weekend away, day off, whatever. Do you feel that he could run this lab efficiently in your absence?"

"I trust him and my team's life and this lab with him."

"Fine then I do as well, _for now_."

He tells me a few more things about getting things in order, asking about Stella's opportunity before he leaves me alone in my office to contemplate my rushed decision. Danny as my partner? Well it would make it a lot easier than having to find someone to replace Stella, as that is nye impossible.

But as I lean into my chair it makes sense to me more and more to have Danny in that position; he has already earned his way toward this. Don is his best friend and my lead Detective, they work well together and trust each other, always keeping each other in line. And both Sheldon and Adam respect him. Lindsay's respect is a given.

I look up and see Stella approaching, my lips automatically curling upward, I couldn't hide my smile even if I wanted to.

XXXXXXXX

"Sinclair just left. You okay?"

"I told him I wanted Danny to take your role."

"And?"

"And he seems okay with it. At least for now he said. What do you think?"

"I think Danny has earned it and I know he'd have the full support from Lindsay."

"Would mean some weekends and longer nights. They have a family."

"For the extra money? They'll make it work," I assure Mac.

I listen to him explain his reasons, most of the same that he told Sinclair and suddenly the onsetting panic attack that I thought would blossom when I watched Sinclair leave has subsided. To know that Mac won't have to be working side by side with some strange woman, possibly a single one vying for his affection has me a little more confident that we can make this work, I mean really work. Now I am not as upset as I was before.

"Well?"

"All those are sound reasons Mac. Have you asked Danny yet?"

"Didn't have a chance, Sinclair ambushed me just as soon as I got in and then I wanted to ask you what you thought."

"Selfishly I'm glad it's not another woman," I wink and his face warms.

"Wouldn't want another female partner but you," Mac assures me warmly. "I guess I should at least ask Danny and then go from there."

"Let me know how later how it goes. Dinner is on you tonight right?"

"Sure where?"

"No, I meant _on you_," I smile, leaving him to just shake his head and stew in the sexy thought I left him with. I watch Danny nod at me as he heads toward Mac's office with a serious expression and for the first time in hours I have a small semblance of peace settling upon me. However, now I wonder if do come back would it be okay to just boot Danny back to where he was? Wouldn't it be easier to knock a stranger out of that role? Okay so maybe my few seconds of peace were merely a facade. They were, for when I round the corner and see Lindsay look up at me with a glum expression and my heart sinks once more.

"What is it?" I ask her in haste.

"I have been tasked with giving you a going away party," she huffs as she holds out the request email from another staff member.

"Goodness gossip travels fast."

"Screw gossip," she stammers. "I can't do this."

"Lindsay, please don't trouble yourself with anything serious. Just a small pot of coffee would be fine."

"Stella..."

"Seriously, the less fanfare, the better for all of us. I doubt I could survive anything major. Could you?"

"No. How are you holding up?" She asks in concern, finally getting the hint to drop the topic about my going away party, an event I am now dreading.

"I have my moments. Sometimes I'm very excited about this and can't wait to get there and get started. And other times, like now, I know I'm going to be leaving a big part of me behind and that hurts more than I realize."

"Sorry," she offers me a slight frown. "And Mac?"

"He's..."

"No, I mean you are leaving Mac. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"We are going to remain..."

"Secret lovers?" Lindsay smiles. "Yeah blame my gossiping husband. Gosh and they say women are bad, he's the worst," she nervously laughs. "But um...I know he won't be the same without you here at his side."

"I know but we are going to make it work. Now before we all drown in melancholy what do you need help with?"

"Well..."

I start to help Lindsay, Danny coming back and telling us the unofficial good news and that we weren't to spread it around just yet. I hugged him and said he had earned it and then felt like I had just made a move that I wasn't allowed to take back. Danny told me that he would have no trouble stepping back down if I did indeed want to come back as he would still be in a probationary status until a few months had passed. I left him to explain his new position with his overly excited wife and now feel my heart starting to tug once more.

_A few months? _Will I even survive being away from Mac for more than a week? But as the day progresses and Mac seems a bit more confident now that he has taken care of something so major, I settle in my mind that the next big hurdle is arranging time for Mac to visit me as often as possible.

But the rest of the week is spent prepping Danny for what he can expect. I don't mind teaching him as he's serious about doing this right and seems eager to learn the more 'political' aspect of it all. I told him that he can call whenever he needs some advice before he goes to see Mac and I have a feeling that'll be less than either of us expects. But I don't mind, Mac is in good hands; once again just thankful that it's not the hands of some strange woman.

XXXXXXXX

Stella and I spent the weekend working, mostly with Danny, trying to prep him for all that was required. He had most of the work stuff down as he's been in a lead role several times, but it was more of the other little nit picky political BS that Stella deals with that he'll now have to face. I dropped into Stella's while she was packing but wasn't able to stay too long, the site of her actually packing up her apartment sent into mild cardiac arrest and so once again used work as my excuse and told her I'd pick her up for dinner.

The week that followed was similar, in fact Stella and I didn't get many opportunities to be together because of working extra hours to wrap things up, Flack making a regular appearance to keep us both in check and then our free nights were spent making love and ordering in dinner or eating leftovers.

I guess I wanted to keep us busy because it helped both of us try to ignore the inevitable. That was now close at hand. And as I sit at my kitchen table, watching Stella making us dinner, my heart starts to ache even more than it has in the past. She has become such an integral part of my life over the past few weeks that I just want to ask her to marry me right on the spot. I would if I didn't fear that she'd say I was doing it out of fear of either losing her or being alone; both of which I'd cop to willingly.

"You have that look," Stella mentions as she comes up to the table, leans in, resting her elbows on my shoulders and then kisses my cheek, her eyes drifting toward the laptop before me. "Do I want to know?"

"Think you already do," I answer in truth as I lean back, my eyes still fixed ahead. "I uh...I'll just miss...this."

"This won't end Mac, we talked about that," Stella whispers in my ear, her lips brushing the skin and sending shiver bumps down my spine.

"It won't be daily either," I pout and she sighs. "I know it's unfair but..."

"But you haven't complained in a few weeks and now it's overdue?" Stella counters with a soft frown as she sits down facing me. She takes my hands in hers and starts to hold my gaze, a small uncomfortable feeling starting to consume me.

"Even with uh...well most things in place it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Stella tomorrow is Monday and it's your last week. I keep telling myself that this isn't real, that this is some kind of rouse we are pulling on the staff, that next week you'll be here and nothing will have changed."

"So that's what's been keeping you up for the past two nights."

"That and a few other things."

"You're not going to lose me Mac, I love you and we will make this work. But why am I the only one trying to convince us of this. Mac are you sure..." she starts only to have me lean in and kiss her on the lips.

"Yes I want this. I uh...nothing," my voice dies out as I look past her. "Anything I can help with?"

"Mac, talk to me. What is it?"

"There will be lots of new people there Stella."

"I love _you _Mac."

"I know but..."

"Speaking of butts get yours out of the chair and help me with supper. I love _you_ and that's final."

I hear a slight agitation in her tone and know not to press the issue. But how can I not wonder? She's amazing and turns heads at the drop of a dime. How can I not worry about someone down there, a single suitor, around her all the time, wanting more from her as I did. And without me around her on a daily basis will they pursue her and possibly win? Will I still lose out in the end? Why can't I shake this insecurity? _Because you haven't really loved anyone this way since Claire died, _my brain correctly reminds me. And that's the truth. I love Stella and am afraid to lose her.

"Mac?"

"Coming..."

XXXXXXXX

I guess I can't really blame Mac for being nervous and a tad insecure about all this, I am as well. With me gone, there is a possibility that Aubrey will come back on the scene or even worse, Peyton with whom he shared a solid history. But during the past few weeks Mac and I have worked very hard to ensure every free moment was spent together, cementing our love and strengthening our bond. This has to work. We both want it to.

We enjoy our meal and then another bout of heated love making, something that much like Mac, I will miss having on a regular basis. I just need to break him of his fear of flying and then our weekend romps will become something routine. But tonight as I hear Mac softly breathing as I hold him in my arms - I am the one awake, pondering the week ahead.

My last week.

Am I really doing this? My mind still has its doubts and I guess like anyone making a major move like this; taking on such a major life challenge I have to have my doubts to keep me real, to keep me human and in check. I have already talked to Greg a few times, twice with Mac on speaker phone and he's anxious for me to come down and get started, a few team spots to be filled, some equipment to be purchased and a city to start running. I hear Mac whisper my name in the dark and suddenly a lump forms in my throat and my eyes want to water. _I love you Mac...I just pray you always believe me._

I finally allow myself to get some sleep but morning comes too soon and we are both once again locked in a heated embrace, sweat forming, our bodies racing the clock to see if we can climax before we are summoned to get up and officially start our day; my last week.

"Stella...I love you!" Mac gasps one last time before we are finally still. It's hard to explain the feeling I get hearing him call my name as he offers me his most intimate embrace. Maybe I should just ask him to marry me and be done with it. Would he even say yes?

"Time to go," Mac kisses me once more before we finally separate and know we need to get ourselves moving. We finally got the hang of things, sadly a bit late, as Mac has now left a few things here if he spends the weekend so that Monday's aren't as frantic as they could be if we were to always have to go our separate ways and change.

However, I just didn't realize that this week would be the beginning of the end for Mac, at least emotionally; a climactic ending just waiting. As soon as we get into the lab, we are once again pulled in different directions and the day begins. Finally I am able to get a few minutes and head into the break room with Flack following.

"Still can't believe it," he mentions as he leans against the door frame.

"What?" I ask, not looking up.

"This is your last week. That Danny is taking your place that..." his voice trails off as I turn back to him. "Danny is gonna make Mac proud."

"I know he'll do a good job," I agree with a sad expression.

"Stella?"

"Don't Don," I hold up my hand, "this is already hard enough. You've said..."

"If I was ever out of line with anything I said in the past few weeks then I am..."

"You didn't say anything to me that I didn't already know. But I have to do this Don. I have to for myself, to know that I can be the boss of it all for once and see if I can actually make it work."

"You will make it work Stella, what are you really afraid of? Failing?"

"Of liking it."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so some of you have threatened to kill me if I part our SMACKED but guys this is me - you know I hate canon just as much as you and there will be a happy SMACKED AiP ending! So don't give up; a few more chappies to go. Please review as I (and the muse of course) need to hear your thoughts on this angsty/romantic tale! :D

And yes am not going to mention 'her' coming in as I don't really know 'her' (Sela aka Jo) so can't really write the character for any kind of canon, again don't kill me. Besides if we stuck to canon we'd never have our smacked right? So hope you like my choice for Mac's right hand. (THe new chick will be in another story *wink*) THANKS SMACKIES!

**PS:** For those reading Altered & ABC's have been updated. Thanks!


	7. No Turning Back?

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 7 - No Turning Back?**

* * *

"And if you like it that means you'll want to stay," Flack's gaze holds mine.

"And that means no more me and Mac right?"

"Stella you are jumping to a rash conclusion before anything even happens," he reminds me kindly.

"I guess I have been hanging around Mac too long," I quip with a wry glance.

"How is Mac? He seems more distracted the past week."

"Is trying to keep himself busy, telling himself this isn't real," I sigh as I take a sip of my coffee. "He's also feeding this paranoia. I just remember the discussion he had with me after Peyton dumped him and about hating long distance relationships and I can't help but wonder if..."

"Damn it Stella, you both sound like you are waiting for the bottom to fall out."

"Well maybe we are!" I huff as I turn away, my shoulders gently slumping. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Flack sighs as I turn back to him. "I'm just as pissed as Mac that you are actually doing this. Jess wanted us to all stay together. But she would also want you to be happy and do what's best for you."

"I just need to try. If I turn this down you know I will always wonder if I could have done it."

"Stella you know you could do it, you know that."

"Don, I have to be sure. Just to know for me."

"Right well...anything I can do?"

"Just keep an eye on Mac."

"I meant this week," he retorts with a smile.

"Keep an eye on me," I counter with a frown. "I guess help Danny and...no Don you've already done so much," I tell him in truth as I walk closer. "I..." I start and my voice breaks. "Gosh if I can't do this now, how the hell will I survive Friday?"

"You said small right?"

"Lindsay has told me it'll just be the team, a few drinks at Sullivan's and then that's it."

"Jess would have liked that," flack smiles. "We celebrated her um...yeah well that's also where...who picked Sullivan's?"

"Lindsay," I lightly choke up a laugh as we both chuckle and then disperse. Flack heads in search of Mac and I go to find Danny, locating him in the evidence room working on something. "Hey there, workin' hard?"

"Just tryin' to get this done. What's goin' on?"

"Just wanted to see how you are with all this? I mean next week is um..."

"Stella, you okay?"

"I will be Danny...I will be," I assure him with a small smile.

"Much like I said to Mac, I really do appreciate the faith you guys have in me and I will do everything I can to make you proud."

"Never a doubt Danny, I know you'll do great. You okay with the extra work load?"

"Gotta start somewhere right? Besides Lindsay's okay with it and we've got great family support for Lucy so we are ready. Are you?"

"I am," I tell him with a firm nod. There is no turning back now and I have never been one to play the weepy female card. I have never really been scared or frightened of anything, why start now? "So anything that I can help with or answer or..."

"Actually yeah," he pulls out a small sample baggie. "This. I ran this but..."

"But it's still not giving you what you want. Let me see what I can do."

XXXXXXXX

"I get it and it's not good enough! Now tell me the damn truth!" I curse as I nearly lunge at the trembling witness in the small interrogation room; my fingers curling around his jacket lapel. Normally I would have Stella's calming presence in the room with a tender witness but his compliance is starting to grate and I dont have her to keep me in line.

"Whoa Mac I got this," Flack quickly pulls me back. "Now kid..." he starts as I storm out of the room, letting the door slam shut behind me. A few minutes later, Flack leaves the room, allowing a uniformed officer to take over and watch as he walks up to me with a determined look on his face.

"What the hell was that?" He asks gruffly.

"He was lying."

"You nearly killed him Mac."

"I did no..."

"Mac you nearly had that kid by the throat," Flack reminds me sharply.

"Fine," I huff as I turn to leave. Flack gently takes me by the arm and against a small protest, he nearly pushes me aside into a private alcove. "Damn it Don, I said I was fine!" I growl as I jerk my arm free.

"Yeah right now. How many other incidents am I going to have to pull you back from before you really lose it and are suspended for something stupid like assault? I'm just as pissed as you that Stella..."

"No you're NOT! You don't care about her!" I shout in the heat of the moment. I instantly see the folly of my words, pull back and then quickly take my exit, not able to face my friend that has been like the big brother the woman I love was denied all her life. I stop in my tracks and turn back to see Don looking at me in remorse; the air between us thick.

"I didn't mean that," I tell him in haste. "I know you care for Stella. Don I'm sorry."

"Mac..."

"No, I was out of line and am just..."

"As pissed as I am?" He walks toward me with a heavy frown.

"There is nothing we can do Don. We can't hold her back, that would be unfair to her and we both know it. I guess...I guess it's time to let her go."

"You are unbelievable," he shakes his head at me.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning both of you think that it's over when nothing has even happened yet. You know Jess would actually be proud that I am the only voice of reason here."

"Right," I groan as I turn to leave. "The perp is all yours."

I hear Don utter a few more words but there is nothing I can do or say right now that will change things or make the situation better and I know if I further the discussion on Stella, I will end up making things worse so wisely take my leave. I head back into the hallway and then approach her office with some hesitation. I see it empty and stop, my heart sinking.

I remember the time she up and left for Greece and I had come into her office to find it empty, the destroyed frame in the garbage and I have the same feeling now. _She's not coming back. _My entire soul starts to drown in a sea of melancholy and I know the longer I stop and stare, the faster I'm going to self destruct. But just before I turn to leave, Stella's fingers are on my neck and my pulse quickens.

"Looking for me?"

"Just looking," I frown as I slowly turn to face her. "It's near the end of the day and am wondering if you'd like dinner. Might not have another chance this week. Kinda like the last supper?" I try to make it sound like but my sour tone instantly drops her smile and I mentally kick myself once more.

"Gee thanks."

"Sorry."

"I guess you talked to Don?" She counters and I wince.

"I..." I stammer and then look at her square on. "Yes that as an immature thing to say. Are you hungry?"

"I am," she replies warmly and my mind is put back at ease a little. Truth is I am angry at her and at myself for allowing this to happen. I could have stopped it long ago if I wasn't such a damn coward. In truth, I deserve this. That's all I can tell myself right now.

XXXXXXXX

Usually when people are about to face something new they are met with a brief bout of surprise and consternation and then it usually passes. However, these past few days all I have been rewarded with is a constant barrage of fake smiles and wary comments, everyone walking on eggshells around me and now I'm feeling more and more regret over this opportunity. I know everyone _wants_ me to be happy, but how can I be happy if no one is _really _happy for me? Don't they want me to succeed? Yes. _But they want you to be with Mac more, _my brain reminds me.

I get my coat and then turn back to see Mac missing and just shake my head. For a grown man, he's acting like spoiled child but then I do have to wonder if it were Mac who was making the big move if I would be any less forthcoming? Would I also act happy but on the inside be angry and withdrawn on the inside and telling the other what they _want _to hear instead of the truth?

And as suspected as soon as I rejoin Mac in the hallway, the famous tight lipped Taylor grin appears and I know tonight is going to be another strained night. Gosh with Friday only a few days away, I'm betting they'll all be strained.

"What do you feel like eating?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Stella..."

"Mac I know this is going to be hard on both of us but I don't want to spend our last few days together..."

"So you have made up your mind then?" He asks and I'm taken aback. Was there still doubt? Did he think that I wasn't sure? Am I sure? _Are you sure? _My brain jeers.

I push the stop in the elevator, forcing Mac to look at me in surprise before he makes a move to get the steel box moving again. I quickly move in front and stop his actions, causing him to pull back with a small pout.

"Don't make me use extreme measures Mac," I state with a heavy sigh. "This is very hard for me. You always feeding me your bruised ego isn't helping."

"It's all I know how to do Stella. I lost Claire to..."

"Mac you aren't losing me to something _you did_," I insist. "Why can't you see that?"

"Because I know you are wrong. Had I told you I loved you..."

"Sooner? Yeah then what? We might have been married when I got the call and then it would have been even tougher."

"It would have prevented you from moving."

"So says you!" I gently argue back as my arms fold over my chest, both our tempers flaring. "You would have held me back because the little woman always does what the big man wants?"

"That's not fair Stella and you know it!"

"I'm right and you know it!"

Finally Mac offers a defeated stance and then leans back against the opposite wall.

"I feel like I have failed," he mumbles.

"To who?" I ask incredulously as I ease away from the wall.

"To myself," he states firmly as he uses the space to slip his hand in and unlock the 'stop' button that gets us back on our way to the ground level.

_To myself. _That was the real story here. When I'm gone, Mac will then have to live with his own self damning thoughts and I think he's dreading that more than me actually leaving. I think that's what he's really afraid of. In that case, is his love real? We reach the ground in silence; suddenly dinner doesn't seem viable.

"Here I thought you were worried mostly about losing me."

"Stella, that isn't fair."

"But it seems you are only interested in what _you'll_ face when I'm gone. How _you'll _deal with things when I'm not there. How _your _thoughts will condemn you when you know _you'll _have no verbal comeback."

"Can you blame me?"

"No," I state in a huff. "It just makes me sad. I wanted your thoughts to be on _us, _not you."

And with that I turn and leave him standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk, a lost figure amid a sea of aimless souls. I glance back before I get into the cab and his head is hung and my heart is crushed. _Damn it Mac, _I lament as I get into the cab, my eyes automatically watering.

"Where to ma'am?"

XXXXXXXX

I watch Stella's cab disappear and curse myself once more. I know she's right and I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. I have failed. If I had told her I loved her sooner, we could have been married with a possible family by now and then she would have been happy, content and settled and a job move would have been out of the question. She wouldn't have considered it because she wouldn't want to move. Is that old fashioned thinking? If so that is all I know. That is the example I had and that is what I grew up believing.

I get into the cab and almost tell them to take me to the nearest bridge so that I can jump off but know that would be even more stupid so resign and give them my address, my mind now going over and over the groveling speech that I'll call Stella with when I get home.

_Your ego...your thoughts...your life...it's all about you Mac!_

She didn't have to add the last part, I know she's right. I'm being a petulant child and I can't help it. But what can I do? Pretend to be happy all the time when in a few days I might never see her again? _Again, over reacting, _my brain sighs.

I reach my apartment but stand in the entrance, my mind waging an internal battle of whether to go and see Stella or just call and let her have some time to herself. I finally head inside, close my eyes as the elevator slowly takes me to my floor and then get off, absently heading for my apartment. But as soon as I round the corner, I stop short.

"Stella?" I ask as I hurry to her side. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she admits with a frown, her posture still stiff.

"What happened?"

"I just couldn't go home Mac. I had to make things right. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Yes you did and you were right. I don't want you to go and I am being selfish because I have never faced something like this before and I do feel it's my fault. Only one thing can change that."

"But..."

"And it's not fair for me to put that kind of guilt on you and so I'm sorry. Want to take me out back and kick some sense into me?"

"I would if I knew you wouldn't enjoy it," she quips and my face warms.

"Probably would," I smirk. "You want to uh..."

"Mac, my place is all boxes remember? Just because you didn't help me..." she jerks the key from my fingers and then pushes my door open as her voice trails off.

"I just couldn't do it," I huff as I take off my coat and hang it up. But when I turn back I bump into Stella and my arms automatically curl around her waist and hold her close. "Shall I order in some insensitive ass for dinner?" I ask with arched brows.

"Mac, my job is to beat you up, not the other way around," Stella teases as her fingers caress my cheek and my eyes momentarily close with delight.

"How can I just let you go Stella? Please tell me," I beg as I open my eyes, my stomach tight and a small lump forming.

"You don't have to let me go Mac?"

"I mean physically," I sigh as my forehead rests on hers. "You'll always be in my heart Stella, I love you."

"You are going to help me move right?"

"And then leave?" I ask and once again we have reached an emotional stalemate. "Dinner?"

"Mac..."

"Please Stella, I know you are hungry."

"Aren't you?"

"I am but..." I lean in and taste her lips. "Just not for food."

"Mac?"

"What?"

"Can't we just once have sex that isn't make up sex?"

"Always thought make up sex was the best," I smirk as my fingers brush aside some stray curls and then rest on her shoulders. "Spoke without thinking again."

But before I can offer another word, my stomach gently grumbles and the mood is broken.

"Right..." I huff as I finally remove my jacket and then turn back with a frown. "But am not really..."

"Mac didn't you have lunch...right why am I even asking?" Stella groans as she takes me by the arm and then drags me toward the bedroom.

I of course don't put up that much of a protest as I am already anticipating our next sexual encounter. However, her next actions leave me baffled, once again proving that she will always have the upper hand. She gives me a generous shove backward and then before I can react, she's on my waist, straddling it and leaning in lower. She pushes my arm upward and then as her lips do a good job of distracting my brain, she quickly cuffs my wrist to the bed frame and pulls back with a triumphant smile.

"What the..." I ask as I tug helplessly on my wrist, looking up at her with a frown.

"Dinner time Mac."

I slump back into the pillows as she removes herself from off me and then heads into the living room. I hear her ordering in _something _as I try to shift my frame to a better position just as she returns. "Now what?" I ask dryly.

"Now we wait."

"And you are going to..."

"Leave you just like that."

"What?" I ask in surprise as she turns to me with a wink.

XXXXXXXX

Having Mac helpless before me is a powerful rush indeed. At work he's so closed off and in control that to be able to take that away from him and hold it in the palm of my hand for even a few minutes is almost intoxicating.

"Obviously I'm going to leave you like that," I purr as I lean in closer, my fingers starting to slowly unbutton his dress shirt, my lips hovering above his. "That way I can have my way with you."

His face displays a boyish vulnerability and it doesn't take me long before my frame has trapped his beneath mine and our sexual union is about to begin. His soft moans of not able to hold me are falling on deaf ears and I can't seem to get enough of his helpless state.

"Keep it up Mac and you'll lose the other arm," I playfully warn when he tries to protest once more. The heat between us continues to grow the longer our union continues to last, our bodies now moving as one and our love being fortified as each minute races past.

"Oh Mac!" I gasp one last time as we finally reach the end of our union, both of us sweating and breathing hard but happy and content.

"Stella," Mac tugs on his captive wrist as we linger together in our glistening state.

"Yes Mac?" I arch my brows and his free hand pokes at my side.

"Will miss..." he starts and then stops.

"It's not going to..."

"End, I know. I just need to keep reminding myself of that," he frowns. A few minutes later there is a knock at the door and both of us exchanged amused expressions. "Stella, I..."

"Don't go anywhere Mac," I wink as I hope off him and reach for his robe, leaving my captive on the bed in his delicious post-sex state. I quickly gather the food and then return, smiling as I enter, looking at his tempting frame with only his crumpled blue dress shirt still attached to his warm body thanks to the handcuff. "Mmm now that's what I like to come back to," I praise and his face gently warms.

I place the large pizza between us, uncuff him and then both of us enjoy our modest meal and just linger together in our natural state for as long as we are able to keep our eyes open; moving under the covers only to be whisked into the happy realm of sleep.

But once again it's my turn to have an active mind for most of the night. _A few days...a few days from now all this will change. Forever? _And on it went. My mind and heart trying to imagine my last night with the team and with Mac and then of course the morning after the big move; a new chapter in my life. I had asked Mac to help me pack but he said he couldn't do it, just not able to actually see my pre-departure in action. He dropped by briefly last weekend before we went to his apartment but even then said nothing about all the boxes littered around my nearly empty apartment. I knew it was killing him, just as my comment did earlier.

"Stella?" Mac asks me in the darkness and I shift my gaze to look at him, unable to really see him in the dark.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"I asked you first," his warm breath teases my face.

"Thinking, and you?"

"Me too. What about?"

"The move," I whisper and his grasp around me tightens. "And you?"

XXXXXXXX

"The move," I tell Stella in truth as I close my eyes in misery. I know she has avoided the topic on my behalf and once again I feel I am playing the cowardly card but when I had seen her apartment nearly packed up last weekend it really did a number on me and I was only able to last a few moments before I beat a hasty retreat.

"And yes I am still going to uh...help you move," I manage weakly and I feel her body tense in my grasp.

"I love you Mac, never forget that," she offers in a saddened tone and I'm a bit heartsick.

"I won't," I promise as my lips plant a kiss on the side of her head and she cuddles into my grasp once again. We try to fall back asleep but as her departure day is drawing near I feel my anxiety starting to build right now and I wonder if I'll even make it to Friday.

Thursday morning arrives and it's a hectic show as Stella and I both overslept so it's a mad scramble to get into the lab on time and without any finger pointing or gossiping because of our actions.

"I'll see you later," Stella calls to me as Sheldon beckons her to his side and I head into my office to find Danny waiting for me. With really only one working day left, as I know tomorrow will be a right off as everyone gets ready for Stella's departure, I know I have to make every minute with Danny count.

"Ready?"

"I am," Danny states as he looks at me in concern. "You look tired Mac."

"Perils of the job Danny," I tell him in truth as I pull out a file. "Okay..."

"You sure you're okay?"

I look at him with a frown, an expression daring him to continue his silly questioning.

"Right, not okay," he frowns as he fiddles with his glasses.

"Danny?"

"Mac, we are worried about you that's all. Think she'll stay down there for long?"

"I hope not," I mumble as I hand him the file. "I sure hope not."

The rest of the day seems to past by with lighting speed. Stella aiding on wrapping up her cases and then taking all the personal items from her office, me and Danny going over everything he needs to assume the role in a few working days. Finally we reach the end of the day, it's dark and we are the only two left; as always.

I walk up to her office and watch her putting a few things away. My fists tighten at my sides, but I think mostly to keep my eyes from watering and offering a very unmanly emotional breakdown. She looks up and my heart skips a beat. But my mind tells me it's the last time and I am now heartsick in an instant.

"So let's try this again. Want to have dinner? You know the last supper?" I ask with a nervous chuckle.

"Not funny," she deadpans as she shakes her head.

"Sorry. Second to last?" I grimace.

"Actually..." she starts as she walks up to me. She reaches me and then stands inches, daring me to pull back. "I just want to spend the night in your arms as I know tomorrow night we are going to be busy."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really," she huffs and my hand automatically lifts to her face. I feel her cheek is warmer than normal but I know it's also nerves so dont comment. I gesture toward the door and soon both of us are heading for the elevator, the mood a lot better than the night before. We get into the cab and make light conversation about our day as we head for my place; hers once again barren of most things. The moving truck coming tomorrow night to be packed up and then taken, her and I will fly and meet the movers there.

We reach my apartment and Stella heads for the fridge and soon we are on the couch, left over pizza and beer for supper but just enjoying being together. And true to her words, I just hold Stella in my arms for what seems like all night, never wanting to let go, too afraid I'll never get her back.

XXXXXXXX

The moment we woke up on Friday morning, Mac's attitude was noticeably different. He was cold, distant and whenever I would ask, he would just put on a tight smile and tell me he's just anxious about tonight. I had gotten a confirmation email from Greg and that kinda cemented my plans for this whole ordeal.

I really need Mac's love and support right now but can't really fault him for his behavior, I too would be playing the angry child card if it was he that was just up and leaving. But it's not over. I had tried to tell him that all night, that it wasn't over and this was only a small detour that we would be able to make it work. But he would just nod and agree but inside I know he has his doubts and thankfully I can blame Peyton for that and not myself completely.

Even in the hallways or the evidence room or his office, his answers were short but polite, non committal and devoid of feeling or emotion. It's hard but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't beat him into an emotional relationship. He has to want it on his own.

I finally get a break from my case file wrap up and go in search of my elusive partner. "So how long to you want to stay at Sullivan's tonight?"

"Not sure if I want to go," Mac tells me softly, his back still to me as he looks over some files. I head up to him and come close, his eyes acknowledging my presence but his body not turning to accept me.

"You have to come Mac. Who is going to hold my hand and help me get through this?"

"Stella," he starts and then stops, his lips emitting a soft sigh.

"I need you Mac. You have always been my rock and I need that strength now more than ever."

"Hard to hold a toast to your departure Stella," he shakes his head. "Just can't see myself doing that."

"Please? For me?"

"I'll um..." Mac starts only to have us interrupted by Don.

"Oh sorry I can come back," Flack states in a hurry before he turns to leave.

"It's okay Don," Mac once again gives me he fake smile and I just want to ring his neck. _I'M SCARED TOO! _I want to shout at him. Can't you see how hard this is on me also? But to no avail, I simply give him a nod and then Don a smile before I turn and leave; heading into my office to finish up a few more things.

But a few hours later, just as the sun is starting to set, I look up to see Lindsay hovering in the doorway with a tense expression.

"Ready to go? Thought we could all just car pool or something," she tells me in a timid tone.

"Everyone set?"

"Danny just went to get Mac, but yeah just the team right?"

"Didnt want anything more Lindsay," I start and she holds up her hand.

"Trust me, I would have been a big pile of mush long ago if it was me. You are amazing Stella. I will miss you," her voice breaks and my eyes instantly water. "Damn it!" She curses as she giggles. "Told myself no crying until we got there," she just shakes her head as Danny approaches and puts his arm around her shoulders. I will miss them. Damn I will miss all of this. What the hell am I doing?

"All set?"

"Where's Mac?" I ask softly.

"Haven't you seen him?"

"Not for the past couple of hours," I admit. "Thought he was with you?" I look at Danny.

"He was and then said he had something important to attend to and then left. That was a few hours ago as well. But I think Adam is looking for him."

"_Looking _for him? What do you mean looking for him? Where did he go?" I ask in haste, now worried that my beloved partner has once again gone home to foolishly drown his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey and then pass out with no one round to help him.

"Try his number," Lindsay suggests as Sheldon and Flack have also gathered.

I give them a nod before I try his home and then his cell. Nothing. _Damn it Mac! _I curse in my mind. "No answer. Maybe Mac is already at Sullivan's."

I look up and all of us turn to see Adam hurrying toward us with a panicked looked on his face.

"Adam, did you find Mac?" Flack asks in haste.

"Uh yes I did," he answers as he looks directly at me with a nervous expression.

"Well where is he?" I ask with a slight smirk.

"Chicago."

* * *

**A/N**: Think Mac really left? What will the rest of the team say? How will Stella feel? Think this will strain things between them? Don't hate me, I do know what I am doing. Blame the muse! lol But I promise some happy moments up next! sorry guys am working on the update as fast as I can.

**PS:** Please go to my profile and vote in my new poll. Thanks in advance.


	8. Uncharted Territory

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 8 - Uncharted Territory **

* * *

_CHICAGO__? WHAT THE HELL? _My brain is screaming. Forget wanting to ring his neck, I am just going to kick his ass and then create the perfect murder.

"Chicago?" I ask weakly, my eyes already wanting to water. On the last night of my being with the team, my last night in New York, he so cowardly runs away? How could he do this to me? When I need his support the most, he abandons me? Is this for real? What is going on?

"Hey guys can you give us a sec?" Flack suggests as he walks up to me with a serious expression.

"Yeah we'll meet you there," Danny pipes up, Lindsay offering me a sympathetic nod.

We both wait until the rest of the team silently file out before talking.

"What the hell?" I ask Don in anger. "Mac just up's and leaves for Chicago? On my last night?"

"What happened with you two today?" He asks in concern.

"Nothing..." I turn around, my forehead now resting on my palm.

"Stella?" Flack urges.

I look back at Flack with a strained look before I try to explain. "We spent a nice quiet night together last night but...well when we woke up this morning he was different. On edge, withdrawn and...damn it Don I told him I needed him tonight! He knew I needed him there! How can I believe his love is real if he plays these stupid games?"

"Want me to call him?"

"Go head. Won't do any good. You know how stubborn he is?"

"Want me to go there and arrest him?"

"Just toss him into the Hudson," I grimace as I just shake my head, slumping back down into my leather chair. I allow my eyes to wander around my empty office before I look back up at my friend with tears starting to form. "I needed him with me tonight...at my side..."

"Yeah I know you did," Flack huffs as he eases into a chair in front of me.

"How will I know he's even committed to making it work if I can't count on him to even be here?" I ask weakly. "What happenes something major happens? Will he tuck tail and run away for good?"

"I uh...I don't know what to say. I'm mad to," Flack resigns as he pulls his phone and goes to dial Mac's number once more. But this time, we hear ringing and both look up to see Mac standing in the doorway with a pained expression. "Where the hell have yo..." Flack starts in anger before Mac holds up his hand and offers a scowl.

"Don't start Don, I just need to talk to Stella."

"It's lucky it's her you pissed off and not me," he grumbles as he marches past Mac, lightly bumping his shoulder and once again leaving me alone with in my office with another upset male.

"You are lucky you didn't get on that plane Mac," I warn as I cross my arms over my chest.

"I almost did," he huffs as he slumps down before me and I can finally see his entire facial expression, including his flushed cheeks and red rimmed eyes. Mac was crying? Why is seeing him in such a vulnerable state so damning? All of a sudden my heart softens and instead of calling Flack to toss him out I find myself wanting to hear his story.

"What changed your mind?"

"Not what..._who."_

"Okay who?"

"My mother," he frowns.

"What? What happened? And where have you been for the past few hours? Mac tell me what the hell is going on."

XXXXXXXX

I look at Stella and feel my heart just racing, giving my both extra warmth which right now it doesn't need, the back of my neck and my upper shoulders already a bit damp. Of course I owe her an explanation and of course I deserve her being pissed at me. I was cowardly. But hopefully the truth will make amends.

"Mac, Adam said you were on a plane to Chicago."

"I had booked my ticket and then called my mother to tell her..."

"Why were you..." she starts and I just offer a small look of remorse and she stops. "Sorry. Please continue."

"Stella, tonight is your last night with the team. The last night I'll ever see you in...here," my voice breaks and I am forced to take a deep breath. "I thought if I went home for a few days then it would be easier but...but it wasn't to be. My mother stopped me before I got into the cab."

"Only her?"

"I couldn't leave you Stella, I just couldn't."

"What did she say?" Stella asks in a soft tone.

_'McCanna why are you running away?__ You never ran away when Claire died?'_

_'Stella is alive and moving on with her life; a part that doesn't include me.'_

_'Who says?'_

_'Pardon?'_

_'Open your wallet and look at the picture that you have carried with you since a small boy. Remember what you told me when you first got that picture from your father when you were only ten?'_

_'Someday I am going to marry her.'_

_'Your very own Aphrodite; your Greek Goddess.__ You found her McCanna, don't run away from her, run with her, wherever she goes.'_

_'I can't do that.'_

_'Yes you can. You can love her and make her want to come back to you. I know you can, you love Stella more than anything. Now go to her. Go and be with her. Hold her hand, be at her side. Do what she asks and comply with what she needs. Love is sacrificing, you and I know that more than most. All those years your father was away, lying in some god-forsaken trenches, me back at home, with you, or even without you, wondering if he'd come back to me. Did I ever run away? Ever go back to my mother and tell her I couldn't face what might happen to him? Couldn't take us being apart?'_

_'No.'_

_'We aren't quitters McCanna, none of us.'_

_'Just never felt this before.'_

_'You never loved Peyton, my son. We all knew that; that is why this is so differnt for you. But we all know you love Stella. And now that you told her, you need to honor those words and show your love when she needs it most. It's no longer about you now it's about us. Us being the two of you together. Don't come here. If you do, you know you'll just regret it. Besides, do you think I'd be happy to see you after all this? Knowing you're here and why when you should be there? With Stella?'_

_'I uh...I guess I just needed...'_

_'A good swift kick in the ass?__ Yes McCanna, sometimes, if anyone needs that, it's you. Now go my son. Go and be with the woman we both know you love and I adore. You'll grow your bond and when it's time you'll get married and make me proud.'_

_'Mom...'_

_'Enough talking to me.__ Don't you have a party to get to?'_

_'I do. __I love you mom.'_

_'I love you my son.'_

I slowly extract the well worn picture and slowly hand it to Stella.

"This is...Mac this is picture of Aphrodite."

"This was my dream as a small boy. To find her and fall in love. And I have; she's you," I whisper softly. "I am scared to lose you Stella. I have searched for you all my life."

I finish and notice that her eyes are watery but I'm not done yet. I lean in closer and cover her slightly trembling hand with mine, giving us a much needed boost of heat.

"I know you are mad and I don't blame you, I would be also. If you don't want me there tonight I'll understand. But I don't want to walk away for good. I'm scared about you moving and uh..."

"Forgetting you?" She asks in haste and I can only offer a simple nod. "I'm scared to lose you too Mac. This whole thing...it's all very scary. But I can only do it knowing I have you at my side. That's the only way I can succeed."

"Then I'll be here or there whenever you need me," I tell her in truth as I stand up and then walk around, pull her into my grasp and kiss her cheek. "I am sorry for making you think I was deserting you when you needed it most. You just tell me what you want me to do?"

"I want you to come with me tonight. So that when I have to cry or breakdown, it's your shoulder that I'll be doing it on. I never want that from anyone else, only you. Where you able to get your money back from the plane ticket?"

"No, but it's cheaper than a funeral bill right?" I counter.

"Mac..."

"I love you Stella," I whisper as I cup her face and bring her lips to mine, brushing them hastily. "Please forgive me."

"I do, _this time_," she quips and my lips curl into a slight smirk.

XXXXXXXX

I was so prepared to tell Mac off, to yell at him for even thinking of doing something so cowardly and stupid as running away on such an important night. But after he told me the gist of the conversation with his mother and what she said about our love and our future and then seeing the picture of what he wants, I knew I couldn't be that angry; at least not for very long. He came back, that's what counts the most. He's here, when I need him. Love is sacrafice and tonight Mac showed that.

But as I look into the warm sapphire orbs before me, his face softening as each second passes, I know in my heart that I could never hate him for very long. I love him too much. He is my future. I pull his mouth back to mine and crush his lips for a few more seconds before pulling back.

"But I am still going to make you pay for putting me through even one minute of mental hell."

"Yeah my mother said you'd do that also," Mac's lips offer a small chuckle as we finally turn and head for the elevator, Flack still lingering in the lobby for us.

"She's a smart woman."

"She is, she adores you," Mac confesses and my face beams.

"You two kiss and make up?" Flack interrupts.

"Several times," I wink at Mac, whose face instantly warms.

"Glad you did the right thing," Flack slaps Mac on the back. "Wasn't really looking forward to spending time in jail for your death," he jokes and Mac just shakes his head.

"Don..."

"Save it Mac, you're here and she's happy. Now lets get going before Danny orders us the lame specials just to spite us," he ends on a lighter note. I know he's just as mad as me, but the fact that Mac is back with us now, I'm glad Don isn't making a major issue out of it. Tonight is going to be hard on all of us.

The three of us get into a cab, heading for Sullivan's. My conversation with Don and then my moments with Mac, helped to distract my mind and heart from the function we are now heading toward my going away party. Goodness Lindsay already lost it after only a few minutes of talking to me in my office, how on earth will we make it through the night? We are all going to be depressed.

"Hey you found our fearless leader? Where was he hiding?" Sid greets us loudly.

I feel Mac's hand tense in mine, wondering if either Don or I will rat him out and make him feel bad for giving me a scare.

"Yeah we found..." Adam starts.

"Seems like someone stole his credit card and booked a _fake trip_," I nod at Adam. "But that's all been settled."

"Ah right...boss, good thing," Adam stammers and Mac's hand once again relaxes in mine.

I had at first wondered if it would cause a stir for Mac and I to walk hand in hand into such a public place, but thankfully Mac didn't pull away and the team didn't make a bit deal about it; most of them offering nods of approval. We all gather around a long table and settle in for our meals; laughing and talking, sharing food and drinks and making light conversation about the days events and just things in general.

Thankfully no one has really dwelt on the _actual _reason for all us being here - my leaving this amazing team. I feel such a sense of belonging that I doubt I'll be able to even say a few words without breaking down. A few then start to ask about my flying out tomorrow, where will I stay, when do I meet my new boss and things like that.

Then a couple of hours later the dreaded moment finally arrives.

I look over at Mac and he looks at me and I give him a small nod, my stomach now starting to tighten and my heart race. _Speech time. _Oh I can't do this. I watch Mac slowly stand up and the entire table comes a commanding hush.

"So I..." he starts and then looks at me with a strained expression, no one around the table daring to say a word. "I guess this is the part where we uh...offer Stella our best and..."

"And hope she comes back soon?" Sid pipes up and my eyes instantly rim with tears.

"Right," Mac's lips emit a nervous chuckle before he swallows and then dares to continue. "Stella I have had the privilege of working with you...at my side..." he starts and then stops, his eyes wet and his posture stiff. The faces around the table just as glum and teary as their stoic fearless leader. "You have been the very heart and soul of this team and..."

Mac pauses as he looks down at me, his frown deep and his face nearly crimson; he's trying his very best not to break down. But suddenly I wish I had joined him on that plane. Seeing him in this state is killing me. How will I survive?

"I uh...I really am not good at this so all the best and...and I know we'll all miss you and you'll make us all proud."

He finally gestures to me to stand and I glance over at Lindsay who is already slumped into the loving grasp of her husband, her napkin constantly dabbing her eyes, Danny just as morose. I take Mac's hand, praying for his strength to at least help me say a few coherent words before I too break down.

"I don't believe in goodbyes because they are so final," I try to squeak out. "But I have been honored and privileged to work...to work with all of you. You have uh...made work easier at times, challenging at others but always a delight to work with the best team in the...in the city," I continue, feeling Mac's fingers giving mine a gentle squeeze, urging me to continue for as long as needed. I can only thank God that he actually called his mother first and she talked him into doing the right thing. If I had to face tonight on my own, I never would have made it.

"So...thank you for being the best family I could have ever been blessed with. It's not over, it's just a small..."

"Detour?" Sid pipes up and I nod.

"For...now..." I finally break down.

And with that I turn to Mac, allow him to wrap his arms around me as I bury my head for a few moments and then turn back with a soft teary smile; now greeted with a sea of somber faces.

"Well we..." Lindsay starts as she slowly stands up, Mac and I both sitting. Thankfully too, because I was not sure if my legs were going to keep sustaining my weight. She pulls out a large card in it's envelop and then hands it to me. "We all knew that tonight would be hard and...and well for each of us to stand up and tell you what you mean to us..." she stops, her lips quivering and her fingers quickly brushing them away. And much like the loving man we have come to expect from her husband, Danny quickly stands up and takes over.

"So we all signed the card and included some letters to express those feelings," Danny finishes as his fingers stroke his wife's back. "We all love you Stella and will miss you and wish you the very best."

"Plus we got you a gift certificate to a spa that is only good in New York. So you have to come back."

"Sid!" Lindsay hisses and thankfully the somber mood was broken by a bout of laughter.

"Well you never said it was a surprise," he shrugs and finally a few laughs grace the table. "Which reminds me. Did I ever tell you all about the time that Alice and I went to this spa..." Sid starts into one of his stories, giving me a wink and ignoring the small moans and protests as he launches into one of his famous Sid Hammerback groan-tales.

XXXXXXXX

I can't blame Stella for being so emotional, I just keep telling myself this is a small bump, a small detour and it means nothing in the long run. Focus on the food and not the fact that my team now looks at me as if I'm the biggest traitor on the planet for allowing the most valuable member to be taken away just like that. Did I try to stop her? Did I offer her more money? Could I ever allow her to be supervisor and me take a promotion? And the list of badgering questions went on. No wonder I didn't want to face tonight.

Stella finally settles back into her chair, my arm draped lightly around the back, my fingers giving her tense shoulder a small squeeze from time to time. Thankfully Sid's stories have lightened the mood but even still I know everyone has an odd sense that this really is the end and that Monday will never be the same for any of us. Well they are right. It won't be the same. I might still be in New Orleans on the weekend, trying to help Stella set up, but when I return and come into work that ill fated morning and see Danny in her place, will I be able to function normally that day?

But even now I marvel at Stella's strength. Just watching her interact with the team on our last night together is amazing. She's putting on a brave face, trying to be strong for all of them and once again proving that she's able to look just about any tense emotional situation in the face and prove to the world around her that she'll not crumble. Suddenly I feel like the worlds biggest coward. I wanted to run away? She's facing this head on and I wanted to run? What does that say about me? _You're human after all? _My brain chides. _No, I don't deserve her. _Well that I already knew.

A few hours later, it's time to start wrapping things up. Sheldon is the first to have to take his leave, telling us he has to work the night shift. I now hang back and allow the team their last few moments with Stella. Giving her hugs, kisses, well wishes and promises to each of them come and visit when they are afforded vacation. Of course blackmailing me into a threat if I didn't allow them time to go and see Stella. Something I would of course readily agree to. I could never deny her that loving support. She's more than earned all of it so have they.

Finally she turns to me, the table emptied and the din of the restaurant now died to a slight whisper; only the two of us left in the back events room. She reaches for her card, clutching it in her hands as she heads toward me, her eyes wanting to water once more.

"You did very well tonight," I praise as I kiss the top of her head and hold her close.

"Mac, if you weren't here tonight..." her voice trails off.

"Trust me Stella, you would have been allowed to kill me," I answer in truth, my brow furrowed. "But you got through it and amazed even me."

"It was your strength that helped me do it Mac and I love you for it." She looks at me, just as my fingers brush away a stray tear. "I need you to stay with me tonight."

"You thought otherwise?" I arch my brows in surprise.

"No I mean at my apartment. I know we had said yours but..."

"I will if you want me to. Are you sure you can?"

"It's not my apartment that I'll miss Mac, I have moved around so much in my life to know that I don't place much importance on material things as they are just that...material things. My home is where you are and tonight I need you with me."

"I'll be there. I just need to stop at my apartment, get my suitcase and I'll be over as soon as I can. I promise."

"Okay."

"But there is one material item that I do hope you always cherish."

"My badge?" She arches her golden brows and I have to just smirk.

"I guess now it's my turn to say that you might not realize just how much you mean to me and how happy I am to have you in my life," I feed her the same sentiments that she fed me after our return from Greece. I pull out a small box and slowly open it, to reveal a silver S pendant with a small inscription on the back. "This S is for Stella, the woman in my life," I whisper as I turn it over for her to see the writing.

_'I will always love you. Mac'._

She reads before she looks at me with fresh tears. Then before I can answer, she flings her arms around me and pushes her lips against mine. "I love you Mac, always."

XXXXXXXX

Just when I thought that Mac had played his remaining romantic cards, he pulls a new one out and plays it at the right moment.

"I will cherish this forever," I tell him in truth as I allow him to take it from the box and put it on me, my skin slightly shivering from the feeling of the cool object now freshly resting against it. "It's utterly amazing."

"I'm glad you like it," he gives me a warm smile as we linger together for a few more minutes. Finally we break apart, get our coats and then head outside. Mac waiting until my cab has pulled away before getting into his own, his promise to be back at my side in less than an hour.

I finally reach my quiet apartment and then just lean against the door, letting my eyes wandering amidst the new horizon of boxes and packed furniture. Some will go into storage for now and the rest will be put on the moving truck that will meet met at my new home that my new boss, Greg Fields, found for me. Just outside of downtown but close to my new lab and a whole host of other venues and places to see and visit. It's a two bedroom and small office, just in case and I'm told is in the style of a Chicago brownstone townhouse. I am actually excited to see what else this new adventure has to offer. After all I have to have a few fun things to offer Mac when he comes to visit.

_Comes to visit. _Even now, those words fill me with pain. _And then he leaves_, going back to his world and I to mine. How long will that last? Who will cave first? Will I move back? Will Mac break up with me? Will we make it past one month of being alone? Six months of being a commuter couple? Mac hates long distance relationships, will I as well?

"AHH!" I offer out loud as I realize my mind is spinning and just making my stomach sick. I wander into the bathroom and immediately my eyes are drawn to the piece of silver on my neck. My eyes sparkle immediately as I think of Mac's heartfelt confession that came along with this beautiful piece of jewelry. Something I doubt I'll ever take off unless I absolutely have to.

I know that sleeping tonight in here on just two sleeping bags atop a bare mattress won't be that comfortable but in truth I wanted him here with me. We'll have a very early start and I want him at my side. I know I hate to play the needy female card, but right now I have to and am going to. I know Mac doesn't mind; that's one of the things I love about him.

I quickly change, pack up a few last remaining things and just as I set the box down a soft knock is heard at the door and I hurry to open it. Mac has changed into his dark jeans and hoodie and once again looks tempting enough to devour right now. He enters with some hesitation and I wonder how he's going to fare the night.

"You okay?"

"Never seen it...so bare," he pauses as his suitcase slides from his grasp. "How are you doing?"

"I am holding on by a thread," I admit with a weak smile as I pull him into my arms and hold on tightly. We remain locked for what seems like forever before we both pull apart and then spend the following hour arranging things for the movers, one area for New Orleans and the other for storage for now.

"What is it?" Mac asks as he comes up behind me some time later and wraps his arms around me as I stand staring absently at some larger furniture items before me.

"Well Greg sent me a layout of the place but...I guess I just wait and see right?"

"Just wait and see," Mac echoes, prompting me to turn to him with a frown. "I'm glad he's eager to have you start. I would be also."

"Mac..." I start and then stop, noticing him quickly swallow and wonder if I'm going to scold him for his sad thought. "Just wait and see," I huff and he simply nods. "Tired?"

He looks over at the sleeping bags on the mattress and then at me with a smirk. "You know when I was a kid I was never really into sleepovers."

"And in the Marines?" I inquire as we wander over to the makeshift sleeping bed.

"Never had anyone there I wanted to really spend the night with...well in an intimate setting," he chuckles.

"Oh so are you saying you are hoping for an intimate setting?"

"No. I was...it wasn't..." he stammers, only to have me kiss him and then plop myself down on the bed.

"Come and join me Marine," I firmly instruct.

"Yes ma'am," he smirks as he lies down beside me.

XXXXXXXX

It doesn't take Stella long before her lush frame is on top of me, our lips locked and my arms holding her securely in place, the excitement starting to build between us. A few moments later, my hands are tossing her sweater aside and her hands are quickly trying to free me of my hoodie. The sleeping bag continues to shift around on the bare mattress, but as soon as our bodies are devoid of clothing, we are in one place, union started and right on track., the world is at peace once again.

"Make love to me Mac."

"Make love back to me Stella," I beg in return and her smile widens. My lips start to explore her face, gently caressing her fragrant skin and allowing my mind to reveal in the delightful smell our bodies together are producing.

"Mac..." she gently moans and my heart soars. I love hearing her calling my name, telling me she loves me, urging me to continue with whatever I am doing to make her feel so loved and wanted and desired. I can't let her go, not ever. Now I just need a plan to ensure I keep her in my life forever. Marriage?

"Stella..." my turn to groan as her lips start to suck on a tender spot, forcing my body to quicken its pace. Our union nears it's end, both of us almost spent of energy, but never expelled of that very last burst of energy to offer one last verbal bout of pleasure before the room is once again still.

"My kind of sleepover," I tease as my fingers play with a stray curl. She brushes a few small beads of sweat off my forehead before kissing it and then allowing her cheek to rest on mine, our hearts beating together as one. We finally break apart, get ready for bed and then crawl into the one large sleeping bag that the two singles have melded into.

For the first time in weeks, I actually delight in allowing Stella to tell me about the layout of her new home to be, I mean really tell me and in truth I am now starting to feed a bit off her excitement. It does sound interesting but I know when we are there, away from our team and _our..._? My brain queries. That's right after today, it's only _my _team. Suddenly that thought saddens me and I have to force myself to listen to Stella's drabbles about her furniture to keep my mind from delving into the melancholy mire.

Finally when we have talked ourselves out, the final light goes out and we are nestled into the sleeping bag for the night. I think due to the sheer emotional journey of the day we were able to sleep until the small alarm woke us up, early the following morning. Five AM.

"So I'll go downstairs and get us some breakfast if you want to wait for the movers?" I suggest as I just sit and watch Stella dressing.

She pauses as she looks up, hesitating before she pulls her jeans all the way on.

"Stella," I moan as her fingers start to tempt me. "Not fair," I groan as my body starts to twitch. She once again just giggles as she finishes dressing and then sends me on my way for something light; the movers already on their way.

XXXXXXXX

Mac returns with two breakfast sandwiches and two coffees, the movers well under way with the packing. We both sit on the window sill, eating and talking, watching and making sure each pile goes with the correct movers. I know Mac _seems _attentive to the move and my new home details, but I'm sure inside its just killing him to actually _have _to pretend to be happy for me. I know it would be hard for me in return so I can't really fault him.

Finally the apartment is empty and after another small emotional breakdown, I am finally ready to leave, handing in my key and taking one last look and picture before Mac and I get into a cab and head for the airport.

"How are you feeling?" Mac asks as he holds my hand in the cab, quickly noticing how silent I have become.

"Feeling a bit sick, anxious, nervous, stressed..." my voice trails off and he gently laughs. "I'm a basket case," I confess weakly. "And you?"

"Pretty much the same," he sighs as we near the domestic terminal of JFK International Airport. "Nothing is ever written in stone right?"

"Only my love for you," I whisper and his face beams, his lips planting a tender kiss on my cheek. We head into the bustling airport, up to the ticket counter, check in our bags and then head for security. Once through we just sit together, me showing Mac a tourists guide to New Orleans and a map of where I will be living in conjunction with everything else.

His attention wanes but again I can't fault him, I know he's trying to be happy for me but inside he's nervous. We finally board and my heart is now racing. It doesn't subside even when the plane is in the air. Mac tries to talk to me about what ever else is in the brochure and for the next two hours does a good job of trying to keep me occupied so that I don't burst into tears, find some kind of makeshift weapon and demand the plane be turned around.

Even handing in my badge, service weapon and other lab related effects on Friday didn't cause me as much inner turmoil as I am feeling right now. The pilot finally announces our arrival into the Louis Armstrong Internationl airport and my fingers grip Mac's, my heart begging me to quit now and turn back. But my mind tells me that I need to at least see this part through, Mac is at my side and I have to give it at least some kind of chance.

We slowly amble off the plane, heading for the baggage claim area and then finally step outside into the warm, muggy New Orleans afternoon.

Mac's fingers rest on the small of my back, prompting me to look at him in wonder.

"What is it?" Mac asks in haste.

I turn to him with a racing mind and heart, wanting so badly to mouth the words, _I want to go back home right now!_

"Stella?"

"Mac..."

"Do you want to leave?" Mac asks, almost hopefully.

I turn to him, for the first time my eyes showing uncertainty. _Can I really do this? _

"I..."

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so I know this was heavy emotional angst but we had to get through it sometime right? And I couldn't get through all the goodbye notes from the team gosh I'd be dead for sure. I started and then was depressed - sorry. So hope that's okay with you all but I'm sure you can imagine they'd be very emotional. Goodness if I kill you with this story you won't be around to read the new ones coming up next! Doh!

But even with all this angst, hopefully you are all wanting the last few chappies and would love to have your thoughts on this one before you leave. Thanks so much for reading and stay tuned for more, happy ending on the way (in a bit) !

**PS: **For those reading I have also updated Altered States. Thanks!


	9. An Unfamiliar Horizon

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 9 - An Unfamiliar Horizon **

* * *

I look at Stella and my mind races. _She actually looks afraid. _She hesitates with an answer and I know that if I am to urge her right now, at this moment, to just give up and go home then I will have failed her as a friend and lover.

"Come on," I quickly interject. "Let's at least go check out the area and go officially meet Greg. He's expecting you right?"

She looks at me and offers me a numb nod and a timid smile.

"I am glad you are here Mac."

"Me too," I tell her in truth. Stella never owned a car in New York, most of us didn't because you got around very efficiently on subway or via taxi. But here she said she wants a vehicle as she'll have more ground to cover and there are only two forensic vehicles available due to funding. So the luxury of being able to borrow and use the CSI Suburban for personal means is not an option.

I head us over to the car rental building, get us a small rented car, pack up our stuff and set out for the core of New Orleans. Stella finally pulls herself from her morbid funk and starts to inform me of different places of interest, streets I am needing to turn on and other things that come up as we pass them.

"Wow," I whisper as my eyes start to take in a few places that are still in the midst of being looked at for rebuilding. We don't have time right now to venture into the area that was stricken the most by Katrina but even places in the French Quarter that are still under construction, tell us right now, that this city is in need of citizens who actually give a damn. Stella will become one of those. She cares too much for people in need to become indifferent. One of the many things I love about her.

"So here we are," Stella tells me as I bring the rental car to a halt outside a row of townhouses that look like authentic Chicago brownstones.

"My favorite kind of home style."

"I know," Stella informs me. "I told Greg that."

"What?" I ask in shock as I quickly turn to her. "You did? Why?"

"To remind you of home when you are here," Stella tells me in a soft tone. I take her hand in mine and give it a warm squeeze.

"Home is where you are Stella," I confess in truth. Suddenly my mother's words come slamming back into me full force and I know I have a lot more to think about when I finally find the nerve to take my leave and head back to New York. But suddenly that thought, leaving Stella here alone, by herself and returning to New York by myself seems wrong.

"Mac?"

"Yeah let's go and check it out. We have some time right?"

"Truck won't be here until tonight," Stella answers as we both get out of the small rental car and then head up to the front door. For some odd reason I am now struck with a sense of nostalgic excitement. This could be our home; a new beginning for us both. But then I run the lab in New York. Can I just give all that up? I don't think Danny is ready for that much responsibility. I just give my head a small shake and watch as Stella turns the key and pushes the door open, both of us looking at one another as the smell of new home or freshly rennovated starts to consume us.

XXXXXXXX

As soon as I stepped off the plane my anxiety was high, I wanted nothing more than to gather my bags, get back on the plane and head back to New York as soon as the next flight was ready. But now, as I stand before my new home, I am excited. Is this wrong? Is it wrong for me to actually be happy to having something like this to actually call my own? A new place to explore, new places to try eating at, new festivals to celebrate, a new team to get to know and a new city to call home? Do I tell this to Mac? Do I share my excitement? Or will it just force his depression to go even higher? As we walk inside, I glance over at him and know that he is putting on a brave face for my sake. _I'm sorry Mac, _I inwardly lament. I wish there was another way. I wish that my now being here was filled with less excitement and hope. Oh what do I do now? I don't want to lose either.

"So...want to go and..." Mac starts, his voice breaking my concentration as he takes my bags, sets them down and then holds out his hand for me to take.

"We just got here," I remind him with a frown.

"Stella, I don't want to leave. I want to see what this place has to offer."

Once again Mac amazes me. Here I thought he wanted us to get out of here and just go someplace else, anything in the city to avoid reminding him about the reality he's in right now, but he actually wants to see what my new home has to offer? How can I turn down that kind of offer? I can't.

"Okay," I clasp his hand and then lean in and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you."

The first floor consists of a small bathroom, a living room, dining room and kitchen with a small family area as an onset. Its all compact and modern, but the hardwood floors and moldings give it a traditional feel which is what I like best. We head upstairs and reach the two bedrooms and one large full bathroom. I lead Mac into the main bedroom and up to the large window that overlooks the modest fenced in backyard, bricked patio area for a BBQ and a small grassy section for planting.

I feel my eyes water and suddenly Mac's fingers are squeezing mine, prompting his actions to draw my gaze to him.

"Stella, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For whatever sad memory you are having."

"It's just that..." my voice trails off as I look away. "I've never really had a real home to call my own; I always wanted a backyard with a small garden. I know it's not the stupid little girl dream of the small home with a white picket fence but," I pause as I feel Mac's arms encircle me and hold me close, his warm lips resting on my neck, his breath sending teasing shivers down my spine. "I guess I couldn't afford one in New York and now..."

"And now you feel like you are doing something wrong by actually _wanting_ to be here?" Mac finishes and I just nod my head in agreement.

"Stella, I do have to admit that this place is very...nice," he chooses his words carefully. "I of course selfishly want you to hate it and come back to New York with me."

"Mac..." I lightly whimper as my eyes water.

"This is a home worth bragging about. I guess...I guess I am just a bit jealous that it wasn't me who picked this out for you."

"Greg is married, with children," I inform him in haste and his lips produce a small chuckle.

"Stella, you could have gotten it from Obama and I would still be jealous," Mac smirks and it's my turn to offer a small laugh that comes out more like a sniffle. "It's _your _home...not _ours_."

I twist myself around in his grasp and frown. "You always said that home is where _we were_, that it had nothing to do with the actual building or geographic location."

"Damn it," his lips softly curse and I just shake my head as I bring his mouth to mine. "I forgot."

"Silly man," I whisper before I tempt him with a warm lip locking. "Come on let me show you that there is more to New Orleans than the French Quarter and Mardi Gras."

"Lead the way. Speaking of Greg, when do I get to meet him?"

"Guess we should do that now and then take our time sightseeing," I mention and Mac is quick to agree.

XXXXXXXX

Just hearing that Greg is married isn't really setting my mind at ease. That isn't only one man she'll be working with and I doubt her team would consist of only women. I have to tell myself to keep my jealousy in line; the last thing I would want would be to cause Stella any kind of embarrassment and create further tension between us. Gosh I'm still having a hard time recovering from hearing Stella talking about her first real home.

We head back outside and this time I let Stella drive the rental car. It'll give her an idea about how to get to her new lab from her new home and I do want her to feel comfortable. But as I look around my mind now ponders what it'll be like for her to come home at night by herself. What if someone is waiting for her? What if she's attacked and I'm not here? Or even close by? It's not like she can go into a locked apartment, this is a home...with a separate entrance. And as Stella finally pulls away, my mind is now racing with new doubts. What will she do at night by herself? I'm used to being alone, but not Stella. In New York she had Don and the team andand here it will all be new people who...

"Mac? You have that look again," her voice breaks into my thoughts.

"What look?" I ask in haste.

"Well for one thing I am not driving that fast and so I think it's safe for you to uncurl your fingers from the door handle. They are turning white," she teases and I offer her an embarrassed smile before I quickly pull my white knuckles away from the piece of plastic and allow them to rest in my lap.

Stella chatters away about the areas we are passing through, mostly the things she's read about and which restaurant we are going to have to try for supper. We finally arrive at the lab and I swear my anxiety is probably higher than hers. Stella has perfected the knack of showing people the bravest face when inside she is a nervous wreck. People tell me that I to have mastered that but right now I swear I am going to keel over and die right on the spot. I look over at Stella as she hesitates to leave and then take a deep breath, forcing her to look over. I gaze into the warm emerald pools before me and find my heart racing faster.

"Shall we uh...get this over with?" I ask with a lighter tone, hoping it sounds positive and supportive but knowing that I sound fake and distant.

"Sure," she nods as gets out of the car and now its business as usual. No hand holding, no intimate familiarity, no obvious PDA's. We are all business. We head into the quiet lab and immediately I am comparing. New York's is bigger, newer, better equipment. _Hello Katrina! _My brain reminds me and I quickly shelve my selfish motives. Of course they don't have what we do; our city wasn't torn to shreds by nature's fury. Even 9/11 didn't cripple the city as much as Katrina or the gulf oil spill has. New York has rebuilt; New Orleans is still struggling.

We walk past a few curious onlookers who would start to talk in low whispers as soon as we were past. Gossip! Damn it! We reach the office marked Greg Fields and both pause before Stella gently knocks and an older man turns to greet us with a warm smile.

"Welcome Stella," he greets as he stands up as we enter. "Mac Taylor, her partner right?"

"That's correct. Nice to finally meet you," I extend my hand to shake his. I had wanted so much to hate him right off the bat; to tell myself he'd be some kind of single paramour or widowed loner like me and that she'd be taken with him right away. But as my eyes quickly dart around his modest office, I see pictures of his wife and kids everywhere. I really need to learn to put my insecurities away until they are officially needed. Even his tone was non confrontational. Damn it!

"Well why don't you sit down for a bit and I'll go over a few things and then a tour. I know our lab isn't as grand as one you have in New York but we are trying to make due with what we have."

"I'm sure it'll be just great," Stella's voice extends some newly found enthusiasm.

I feel myself inwardly cringe as I watch her lean forward, giving him her full attention as he tells her about the partial team that she'll need to help complete, the new equipment he'll want her to scope and purchase, another new team vehicle and a few other things that will keep her days very busy. Will she even have time to send me an email? Phone call?

"So Detective Taylor what do you think of this opportunity for Stella?"

I look at him point blank, a stoic expression before my brain forces my face to soften as routine. "It's great," I manage with a fake smile. _Can he tell I'm lying? _YES! My brain shouts in haste. We spend the better part of the next hour, just talking with Greg about the area, the city, the recent cases and just how valuable Stella is going to be. Finally I had to excuse myself, head for the nearest men's washroom and splash cold water on my face.

When I look up I see Greg standing and watching with a wondering expression. "You love her don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?" I huff as I reach for a paper towel and gently pat my face dry and then turn around to face him. I feel my anxiety starting to grow as he starts to examine me and in a matter of seconds my stomach is tight. When will he be finished his damn evaluation?

"So how do you really feel about this?"

"Would like to meet you out back," I smirk and he nods as his lips curl upward.

"Ah yes might have thought that. I'm sure you'd win that fight," he frowns, taking a few steps closer, his hands in his pockets. "How do you feel about her being in charge?"

"Actually I'm very proud."

"Think her new team will have any trouble working for her?"

"Anyone who has Stella as their lead and supervisor will be damn lucky," I relate in truth. "I myself would be honored so a junior CSI will have no troubles. She's uh...she's amazing," I finish with a slightly shy smirk as I look away.

"And this long distance stuff. It doesn't bother you?"

"Why are you asking me this?" I ask nervously, my voice a tad on edge.

He holds up his hand as his smile widens. "Not meaning to offend or anger the beast within," he says in a softer tone and my posture loosens. "I just want her at her best and I think that when you go she'll suffer."

"It'll only be momentary," I insist. "Stella Bonasera is a professional and trust me she won't let you down."

"And you?"

"Pardon?"

"Can I ask you a personal question Mac?"

"That depends," I answer slowly, my nervousness starting to creep upwards once again. His facial expression turns serious as he leans in closer and my heart for some reason starts to beat faster.

"I want an honest answer if that's okay. Do you think that you would be able to let her..."

XXXXXXXX

Waiting for Greg and Mac to finish in the bathroom is making me antsy. And they say women are bad in there. What on earth are they talking about? Better not be me. _Oh Stella, _I chide. How old are you? After Greg had finished giving me the details of my new starting week ahead, Mac hurried to the bathroom, to throw up, is what I assumed. During the entire time Greg was talking, Mac's face was blanched and his fists clenched tightly. I knew I shouldn't have brought him here. Now I'm sure that I'll just hear it from him about what a horrid place this is and that I should return with him at once.

But as I glance around, taking in the new surroundings and then letting my eyes finally wander toward the office I'll be using, my stomach is flipping with excitement. I see the spare office beside mine and wonder what my assistant, my second in command will be like? I won't meet the rest of the team until Monday and I have to wonder what it will be like facing that first day without Mac at my side to share this all.

Greg had told me that a few positions were open and they were looking for a seasoned field CSI as well as a few other key roles that I would help him interview for in the coming weeks. I know that as soon as routine sets in I will be missing New York, especially if Mac isn't here as often as I want. But I also know that once I settle in, I will also have more time to fly to see Mac and that will help ebb the pain.

I watch Mac and Greg both exit the bathroom at the same time, but this time I notice Macs face isn't as tense and I do have to hope that perhaps Greg assured him that I am going to be just fine and that I can make a success of it as long as I have his backing and support.

"So if you'd like a brief tour and then I can let you two get back to enjoying our fair city. How do you like your neighborhood so far?" Greg asks me.

"Actually seems very nice so thank you."

"Very well."

Mac and I numbly follow after Greg as he first shows us my empty office, a few shipped boxes already waiting but otherwise it's mine to customize. I know it's not as modern as the office in New York but it's only been five years since Katrina and the city is still rebuilding in many areas; funding for luxuries is tight. But I have learned to make do and make the most of any situation I am in since I was a small girl; I will make this work.

Greg continues with his tour, taking us into the evidence and lab areas, me meeting the first of my new team. My new lab tech – 'Gabby'. Gabriella LeBeaux.

"Hey Stella, great to finally meet you. Greg has been raving," she states with utter enthusiasm. Her short black hair is slightly mussed into a more feminine fauxhawk; her accent makes her sound like a typical southern bell but her outfit is something out of Rolling Stone magazine. I could see her and Adam clashing instantly, either that or really hitting it off. I take her hand and she starts to rattle on about her role as lab tech, computer geek as she calls herself and then turns her attention to Mac. We finally tear ourselves away and then head to another part of the lab. An African American fellow walks up to us, taller than Sheldon but dressed just as well; Sheldon of course missing the obvious band of gold.

"Thought you and Shelby had the day off Dustin?" Greg inquires.

"She had to take Tyrone to her mothers and I had to get something," Dustin Barber replies as he looks at me.

Greg introduces the man who is currently the most seasoned field CSI and even then he admits he's only had two years of actual experience. After Katrina, the city had to cut some of the larger paychecks and so the two most experienced, the two in charge left and when elsewhere and they have been struggling for the past few years. It all seems so new and odd but then so did the New York office when I first started, again the only thing missing? This office doesn't come with a Mac Taylor attached to it. That could be my downfall. How can I concentrate each day wondering how he's faring?

"I'll make you proud Ms. Bonasera."

"Stella please," I tell him with a friendly smile. We chat with Dustin a bit more before we head toward the door, only to be stopped by another man.

"Hey Greg, you givin' tours now?" The tall blond man asks as he looks right at me.

"Jackson this is Stella Bonasera. My new lab supervisor."

"Jack Daniels," he greets and both Mac and I exchange amused expressions. "Yeah I know…it's a real ice breaker at parties."

"I can imagine. Mac Taylor," Mac greets.

"Second in command?"

"Boyfriend from New York," Mac states possessively and my heart actually swells. To hear Mac, although I know it's brought on by male jealousy, introduce himself as my boyfriend, makes my mind and heart proud that I now have him with me at my side. Course the expression on his face also gives me something to laugh at. A grown man showing obvious teenage signs. Is so much easier than having to explain that I have someone in my life and that he does exist; plus it will keep this obvious single male at bay. At least a few have met him now.

"Ah too bad," Jackson frowns at Mac. "When are you heading back?" He asks with a laugh.

"Don't mind Jack."

"Who are you?" I ask in haste.

"I'm your detective, Stella," he informs me and I feel Mac instantly tense at my side. "Will look foward to working with you," he states as his phone goes off and he takes his leave.

"He's harmless," Greg tells us; the frown not subsiding from Mac's handsome face.

XXXXXXXX

_Harmless my ass! _My mind yells at the older man before me. He just flirted with my girlfriend, in front of me. What on earth is going to happen when I am a million miles away and she's down here, every day…with _him! _Now him I would like to meet out back. But I trust Stella, I have to.

Greg finally finishes up and Stella and I head outside. So far her team seems nice, the other junior CSI, a Rebecca Miller would be back in on Monday. The office and lab areas are modest but that's to be expected from a city that is still rebuilding. Stella's excitement during Greg's explanation of things was to be expected but still unnerved me a little. Is this really happening? It's not to late for her to come back.

"So what did Greg want in the bathroom? You two took longer than is expected for straight men," Stella quips as we get back into the rental car, night almost fallen upon us.

"He wanted to make sure that you would be able to do your job without me causing you any kind of mental or emotional hindrance from so far away."

"He said all that?"

"Yeah, caring kinda guy," I state sourly and Stella looks at me with a weak expression.

"So other than that, what did you think?"

"About him or the other one?"

"Mac, are you jealous?"

"I am allowed," I reply in haste as I start up the car and we head back into the heart of the city.

"Not to the point of ruining things for us," Stella tells me firmly and I warn myself to keep my tongue in check. I mean if I can't trust her and she can't trust me then our love is over even before it begins. Trust is one of the greatest expressions of love and I know that that exercising of trust starts now.

"It won't," I utter simply and she then starts to ask me what I thought about the lab and the two team members I met Greg. I didn't tell Stella the whole truth about what Greg and I talked about, but I know the words he said forced my mind to ponder things I haven't before and also pushed my future in a direction I never considered. But I promised him I wouldn't be a distraction or a hindrance and I intend to keep that promise. I want Stella to succeed.

"So fresh oysters?" Stella inquires. "Greg said there is a great place we both might like."

"Sure," I answer, trying to sound happy. But now I wonder how many times I will cringe when I hear her say it was Greg, or Jackson or someone other than me, making suggestions that will add some happy spark to her life. Damn I hate this. I feel like I don't even belong anymore and we've only been here a few hours!

We enter the small cozy restaurant, called _'The Oyster Shack' _and take a small booth at the back. Everyone seems friendly, nodding hellos as we pass, despite the fact that they don't know who on earth we are. We settle into our booth, order some fresh oysters and beer and then lean back to wait.

"Mac, talk to me. I mean this is going to be my new home and you are the one acting nervous."

"Hard for me to sound genuinely happy Stella. Yes _your _new home and _your _new lab. None of it includes me and I know I am just a damn tourist and…"

"We can fix that Mac."

"Yes you can come back where you belong!"

"What if I belong here? I have always been an orphan Mac. I belong nowhere!"

"You belong with me," I counter sharply, drawing a few wondering glances and I quickly recant. "Stella I'm sorry. This…all this is just so…"

"Surreal?"

"No, it's real. That's the problem," I huff as I lean forward a little more and take her hands in mine. "The weeks leading up, yes you were right, I was telling myself that I would soon wake up and you would be staying where you belonged. But seeing you here, hearing all the things that you'll be getting involved in, seeing your excitement and determination...and I see how real it is."

"And you're not mad at me?"

"Mad?" I arch my brows as I shake my head. "Stella I want you to succeed. I want you to have what you always wanted."

"That would be you Mac," she answers warmly and my face softens. She gently pulls my face to her, her plump mouth playfully brushing mine. "But I also want this."

"We can always compare notes."

"You will always be my lifeline Mac."

"Okay now it sounds like this is final," I sigh heavily and her lips offer a slight chuckle.

Our meal finally arrives and the conversation finally gets into her new home and how she'll decorate things; our weekend ahead already planned. After dinner we head outside, the city still very much alive and vibrant, much like New York after hours. I wrap my arm around Stella's waist, both of us slowly walking down one side of the French Quarter, Stella once again chattering away about things we are passing and I now find myself wanting to stay at her side forever. I love her. How can I just get on a plane tomorrow night and leave her behind? I will miss her first day. Her first week. First case arrest. First case scare. I'm afraid I'm going to miss it all. Will I miss my future as well?

Finally we head back to her new home, both of us excited as we enter. She's right, the Chicago style brownstone is my favorite and I had told her that if I were to ever have a home outside a traditional family plot with land it would be one of these. Now I feel cheated. Will I ever have this? With her?

"So we have a few hours before the moving truck shows up," Stella mentions as she comes up behind me. "Any suggestions on how to pass the time?"

"Could put those oysters to good use," I whisper as I close my eyes and allow her fingers to dance around the zipper of my jeans before moving lower. "Stella…" I moan her name as she continues her slow, sexual torment. "I…" I gently gasp as I twist myself around in her grasp, hungrily devouring her mouth, my hands on her waist and slowly sliding up her back, gracing her perfect skin with my fingertips.

XXXXXXXX

I honestly don't care that we have nothing in the house that will offer us any kind of softer surface except the hardwood flooring in the open living room. All I know is I want Mac and I want him now. I want to feel his hands on my naked skin, his perfect lips devouring mine, his mouth calling my name and his body giving all of itself to me right now.

"I love you Mac…" I whisper in truth as our bodies are lowered to the hard floor, Mac opting to be on the bottom to spare my skin any harsh contact that will leave any telltale signs. His body starts to meld with mine and soon the anxieties from the past few hours quickly start to vanish. We move effortlessly together as one, our mouths taking turns between kisses to offer the other a heartfelt sentiment, sweat forming and hearts racing. Our amazing union finally reaches its end, both of us more than satisfied and happy to be expressing our love once again.

We slowly get dressed and then just sit side by side on the large window sill, waiting for the moving truck before we get busy again; once again just talking about the lab and the new team and things the city has to offer. Of course Mac's enthusiam isn't very real and I will not sit here and judge as in truth it's hard for me also. But I need his love in order for this to succeed. I lean my head against his shoulder and wonder if our happy future of being together and possibly having a real family will ever come true? The truck finally shows up and Mac and I set up the bed, leaving the rest of the boxes until the morning; finally falling asleep, in each other arms, in love and content.

In the morning, I wake up, slowly opening my eyes and listen. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don't hear the hustle and bustle of New York. I hear some cars, a few dogs barking, children laughing and my mind settles instantly. However, when I look over at Mac's side of the bed I realize it's empty and cold. Where is he? But as soon as my nose picks up the tempting aroma of coffee my grin widens and heart races.

I quickly push myself out of bed, glancing around at a few open boxes and then hurry for the hallway. I see a few of the rooms littered with boxes from the night before and know I have a big task ahead. The spare bedroom will get the bulk of all the leftovers right now, as will the small office downstairs until I can figure out where everything goes. I slowly wander down the stairs, my ears now picking up the sound of Mac's voice humming and my heart starts to beat faster. I enter the kitchen area and stop.

_He unpacked? _I ask myself in shock, standing fixed in time as I watch the man I love, surrounded by various kitchen items, coffee on and a small cookbook open. _He's cooking? _

"Okay so I am going to chain you to the bed and keep you here and force you to wait on me hand and foot," I tease as I wrap my arms around his waist, allowing his warm scent to tempt my hungry brain.

"Morning," he whispers as he twists his face to kiss my lips. "I'm sure I would like that."

"Mac when did…did you even sleep?"

"I was up an hour ago and didn't want to wake you," he confesses as he turns to look at me. "Figured we have a busy few days and want to get you settled before you start your new job on Monday."

I feel a small lump form in my throat. _God, why do I have to let him go? _I gaze into his warm sapphire eyes and feel my stomach tighten. His fingers tenderly brush my face and I close my eyes for a few seconds, delighting in the feelings of love and desire that his touch is creating.

"Mac…" I start only to have him cup my face and then kiss my lips.

"Hungry?"

"Yeah I am," I admit weakly. "Here let me do that."

"Stella, I can make breakfast. But I don't know where you want things. So let me finish here and you…" he looks around with a slight frown.

"And I'll get the dishes…wherever they are."

I quickly commit the memory of Mac standing by the stove, in his sleep clothes, hair mussed and looking just good enough to eat. Making us breakfast in our new home. _Our? _Oh right, _my _new home. Suddenly I am once again heart sick. But before morbidity takes over, I head for the coffee maker, pouring us both a cup and then get started on a box marked dishes. In a matter of minutes the table is set and as Mac and I talk about where things should go, our day finally starts to unfold.

We spend the better part of the morning getting the kitchen all packed away; tonight we will shop for food. I tend to the small downstairs half bathroom next and then head into the living room to help Mac, although I must say he is more than efficient.

At lunch we finally take a break, me ordering in pizza and us just having a few beers and some delicious slices on the small patio outside.

"I do envy this," Mac suddenly pipes up, a warm breeze tickling our exposed skin in the mid-day sun.

"Which part?"

"Just this…" his slightly tormented gaze extends to the small, private backyard around us. "I like the small yard, garden area, this patio, barbeque setup…all of it," he huffs before he looks back down. My fingers rest on his, forcing his blue eyes to lock with mine.

"Mac you aren't going very far."

"Won't be here on a regular basis after work either. Just to come home, sit out here with either a beer or coffee, with you…" he pauses for somber effect. "And just talk about the day, the case or…whatever."

But he's right. He won't be here on a daily basis and in a matter of seconds the air is thick and tense once again. Will there ever come a time when we are both in the same place once again and happy? Oh why did we have to figure all this out now? Now when one of us is unable to give the other what they want and need? That someone being me?

XXXXXXXX

"Mac…."

"Stella, I'm sorry to dampen the mood," I quickly raise my hand. "I want this for you."

"If I hadn't taken it…"

"You would have always wondered if you could do it? Why? You know you could."

"You tell me that but…"

"But you need to prove it to yourself?" I finish and she smiles. "I guess we do that a lot."

"Have always been on the same wavelength Mac," Stella reminds me. "So what do you think I should plant…" she starts and I quickly take the hint. I don't want to dwell any longer on what both of us will be missing out on. Still I can't help but now stress that if she does have the new team over to welcome them, and I'm not here, who will be occupying this space in my absence? Anyone? Would she do that to me? No I trust her. Damn it I still worry!

Stella goes on to explain what she'd like to plant, mostly next summer as this years growing season is mostly over. My mind pictures me at work out here on something, and her in the garden, or tending to flowers, smiling and once again my heart aches for that picture of domestic bliss. We finish up our modest lunch and then head back inside. We have made a lot of progress, but much like myself, Stella is very efficient and so I didn't think it would take us all weekend to get everything set up.

We finish the downstairs and then upstairs. I let Stella do the bathroom, as when it comes to that kinda stuff I am lost, but I don't mind working on the bedroom. Just as soon as I have fresh sheets on the bed and am about to put on the rest of the coverings, I am tackled from behind, forcing me onto the soft covers on my belly as Stella starts to kiss my neck, my body hardening in an instant.

"Time for a break Mac," she whispers and I can't agree fast enough.

I quickly twist myself around in her grasp and before too long, we are both naked and enjoying the fresh scent of clean bedding and the warm scent of two bodies working up a sexual aroma. Knowing that in a few days I might not get her like this for some time, I selfishly enjoy every single second, uttering her name and flowering her with every loving expression I can think of. My tactic obviously working as she returns the favor and as soon as we reach the end, we are both more than satisfied.

"I love you Stella," I confess in truth as we linger together for a while longer. I look up at her flushed face and smile, her eyes holding that same Stella Bonasera fire that I have come to yearn for and desire. We linger together a bit longer before we regrettably pull away in favor of actually finishing the setting up.

As evening starts to fall upon us, we head out to explore the area she's now living in. Once again we walk arm in arm down the street, both of us looking around, inspecting the area and very much impressed that it's mostly working adults, professional couples, no rowdies or large families to cause a raucous or any rowdies to force my mind to constantly worry about Stella coming home when it's dark.

We reach the end of the street and happen upon a little market that will help us make do until Stella is able to do a major grocery shop during the week. We pick up a few things for dinner and meals tomorrow and then head back, again casually talking about the area and what else Stella has planned for her new home. Once again, hearing the excitement about her new home and new area, and just everything to explore and call her own, has me heartsick but keeping silent. I can't ruin this for her. I would hate myself forever.

"Okay so what can I do?" I ask Stella as I finish putting the few items into the fridge and then look at her in wonder. She looks up from her Greek cookbook with a smile and I feel my nervousness starting to grow.

"How adventurous are you feeling right now?"

XXXXXXXX

Knowing that Mac is always game for whatever I want to make is so refreshing. I guess he knows that if he does complain he has to cook. Mac starts to help me with dinner and thankfully about a half hour later, we are both seated at the table and eating something that actually tastes pretty good. I tell him a few more plans about what I have for my new home; some patio lights outside and an actual eating setup so that on warm lights like tonight we can eat outside.

I notice Mac's agitation and I can't help but wonder if he fears that I'll be doing this more often than with just him. I try to always include him in my future plans, but he still has so many facial doubts that I wonder what tough road ahead we'll encounter.

After dinner we head back outside, Mac lamenting the fact that he doesn't have his guitar and me agreeing that it would be nice for him to sit by my small gas fireplace or outside on the patio and play as I just enjoy the amazing man I have been blessed with. After an hour of just relaxing together, the tiring days events catch up to us and we are once again in bed, this time asleep; the promise of an early morning romp calling to us in our dreams.

However, when I open my eyes the next morning I see that Mac is still asleep and my heart warms. I stare at his handsome face and feel my whole body starting to relax. His lips are slightly parted, tempting me with soft breath and daring me to just attack him right now. But I also knew he told me he spent the most of the night before in thought so I know he needs his sleep. I very carefully push myself from the warm bed and then head for the bathroom, turning on the hot water to add some steam to my new surroundings. I love my new soaker tub and walk in shower; both of which I hope to make regular use of.

But just as I finish shedding my night clothes and am about to enter my steamy enclosure, warm fingers brush my naked arm and I turn to see Mac standing before me, also naked.

"Mmm morning handsome."

"Morning beautiful," he nuzzles my ear, his body clinging to mine in seconds. We manage to get into the warm wet shower chamber, but for the first while are too busy trying to satisfy each other instead of enjoying the actual facilities that I now can use each morning. Mac calls my name in a heated gasp of passion just as our union comes to it's close and both of us now turn our attention to actually getting the shower part completed.

After our shower, we head downstairs for breakfast and the routine for today is much the same as yesterday, except for tonight.

"Mac, are you sure you can't stay? I mean after my first day…"

"Stella, what would I do? You'll probably stay late and…well as accommodating as Greg appears to be, I doubt he'll just let me come and shadow you all day. Besides, I uh…well I think it will be easier for me and you if I uh…"

"What? Tell me Mac," I gently beg.

"If I'm not there to get in the way."

"You wouldn't be."

"But you'll call me right? And tell me everything."

"Sure," I reply glumly.

"Stella…" he starts with a huff.

"I understand Mac. But I think what you really wanted to say is that it will be hard for you to see me actually excited about being in charge and then knowing you'll have to leave the next day anyways?"

"Something like that," he sighs as we linger in the car at the airport. "I…I know you'll do fine Stella and I wish you…"

"Mac shut up right now," I scold with a smile. "You are coming here next weekend. That's only five days."

"That's five too many," he whispers as he leans in closer. "I love you Stella. I would ask you to marry me and come back to New York, but I know I would be saying it right now out of selfish fear and that isn't fair to either of us."

I grab his face and press my mouth to his, pulling back a few breathless seconds later. "I love you Mac and I'm not going anywhere; my answer will always be yes. We can make this work and we will. Do you believe that?"

"I believe that we will be together and that is what I am going to hold onto," he tells me firmly. "I will find a way and even if it's not easy I will be with you Stella. That's all that matters to me now."

I give Mac a nod and then allow both of us to finally exit the rental car and head for the domestic departures area. My stomach is so tight right now that I'm sure as soon as I see Mac disappear through security, I'm going to find the nearest bathroom and throw up. I can't let him go! I need him to stay! I love him! I want to marry him! So many things race through my mind as I hover around the ticket agent, waiting for Mac to get his boarding pass and then walking hand in hand through security.

He tells me about his week head with Danny on his own, and then his search for a junior CSI and I tell him I pretty much have to do the same. We linger by security for what seems like an eternity, Mac's fingers gently brushing away a stray tear before it can do any more make up damage.

"I love you Stella, I'll call you later," he assures me before he offers me on more kiss and then heads through security. I watch until he's gone, my fingers quickly brushing away stray tears as I head for the exit doors.

I try to hold onto his words in my head. _'I love you Stella, we will be together. I will find a way…' _that is the only thing actually keeping me breathing right now. I have to believe that he will do that, that we both will make this work and be together. We can do this right? A few more uncertain tears fall and now I have doubts. Oh what I have I done? Why did I let him go? Can I face tomorrow alone? The future?

I will take a cab home, because my first order of the week is to get a new vehicle and Greg said I could use CSI one until I do that. But just as I reach the exit doors and look outside I stop.

My eyes look at the unfamiliar horizon ahead of me and I now I just want to turn around, race back inside and go with Mac. I am now alone; on my own and facing what seems like an unknown and uncertain future. _We will be together..._those words of Mac give me hope and the strength I need to take the first step back into the night.

"I love you Mac. We will be together."

* * *

**A/N: **Okay so one more chapter to go and I know this is chapter was a bit longer, but had to get a lot in here. Hope that's okay and thanks again! And yes a SMACKED happy ending is coming up next! And REMEMBER I don't do canon, so they will be together! I promise.

**PS:** Please remember to vote in my poll on my profile. Thanks!


	10. A New Path Ahead

**Title: Professional Detour  
****Chapter 10 - A New Path Ahead**

**Okay so right from the start we knew this story would be angsty b/c of the spoilers it was based around. I know we will all miss our beloved Stella but am glad that most of you stuck with this story right to the end and a special THANK YOU for your great reviews! I do hope you like this ending and THANK YOU once again!**

**A/N: **This chapter is going to be a lot more back and forth between Mac and Stella's POV so hope it's not too fast or confusing but I need to capture them both at key moments and hope that's okay. Thanks in advance!

* * *

Sitting on the plane by myself as I head back to New York alone was slowly killing me. I wanted to find something, anything I could use as a makeshift weapon, storm to the front of the plane and demand the pilot turn us around at once, I left something very valuable behind; something I cannot live without.

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat, my heart aching with each beat I produce the further I get from Stella. _I love you Stella...I will make it work...make it work..._but how? I can't just give up my life in New York? All that I worked so hard to build. Reed is there; Claire's memory is there, my team is there. But not Stella, and Stella is my life and my future and all that other stuff seems moot.

My mind now dwells on the past weekend we just shared, meeting her new boss, Greg. I so wanted to find fault with him but even those few minutes that we talked in the bathroom, I found myself liking him more and more and that was also part of the problem. Stella will have no trouble working with him. Their Detective worries me, but I know I have to dwell on trust and not insecurity. _Yeah like that'll be easy for you, _my brain jeers. I think on her new home, how excited she was to finally have a place she could call her own. She even told me that she wanted to save enough to actually buy the place and really make it hers. I wanted that for us, will I ever get it?

The plane touches down and I head for the nearest cab and quickly realize something, New York just doesn't have the same magical pull it once did. Stella changed all that for me; she made the city alive and vibrant. She was one of the main reason's I loved New York; she was the one that really made it home for me. But in a matter of hours, that is all gone; changed for good. Now it seems empty. I have my memories, but right now I want her arms around me.

I remember us making breakfast, making love, making a home and now I wonder if I'll be making anything again with her? I could have stayed and been with her on her first day, but truth was I didn't want to face that and then head home with all that excitement and enthusiasm dancing around in my head. It's hard enough as it is. And I would have had to lie to tell her how happy I was that she was moving on, it wouldn't have been fair. So I'll suffer in silence.

I reach home and enter my quiet apartment, allowing the stifling silence to greet me as it usually does. "I miss you Stella," I whisper in sorrow. I know that my days ahead will be busy with Danny, but not seeing Stella around the lab on a daily basis is going to take its mental and emotional toll. I know I won't last. Should I break up? _Are you stupid! _By brain yells. _Or just a damn coward?_

"I'm a damn coward," I admit numbly as I head toward my bedroom. But just as I pass the phone it rings and I can't get it fast enough. "Stella?" I ask with a large smile.

_"No sorry," Don's voice gently chuckles. "Don't have the legs for it."_

"Right, what's up Don?"

_"Well I guess I just wanted to know how it went? Did you survive?"_

"I uh...yeah I did," I huff as I ease myself into the nearest chair and run my fingers through my hair. "But she starts tomorrow and..."

_"Talk to me Mac. What was it like?"_

"Don, this is painful enough as it is. Saying bye to Stella at that damn airport was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. At least I didn't have to look Claire in the eye before I let her go."

_"What are you talking about? You are sounding like it's over!"_

"Well maybe it is and I just have to face that."

_"What the hell happened? You guys fight or something? Her boss turn out to be a big asshole? The area she's living sucks? Talk to me Mac."_

"Actually her boss turned out to be a great guy, her new home and area is amazing and we spent two wonderful days together."

_"So I'm not getting it," Don huffs. _

"Don, I'm tired and not in the mood."

_"Sorry Mac, this time you are going to listen to me. It's either on the phone or I come there."_

XXXXXXXX

It was at least an hour before Mac finally called me. He said he had talked to Don for a bit and then wasn't sure if it was too late. I asked what Don had to say but he only told me that it was what he needed to hear and that it wasn't worth fretting about. Damn his stubbornness sometimes. We talked, but it was strained and now I'm worried.

I sit in my bed, all alone and just listen to the silence and my heart racing. "I miss you Mac," I whisper into the stillness that now engulfs me. I wish he was here so that we could make love, or talk or...or whatever. I just want him here. Us now being in love and being so far apart is somehow so wrong. Can this actually work? I turn off the light and force myself to think on happier times, Mac declaring his love and then us making passionate love right after that. But as the silence starts to consume me I know the night ahead will be strained.

As I suspected I woke up earlier but tired and not rested at all. I hurry out of bed, head for the shower, hoping the only warm water will help to wake me up a bit more. I finish with a spritz of cold before I quickly dress and head downstairs; pausing for a moment as I see Mac turn and look at me with a smile on his handsome face only to vanish and I'm finally greeted with an empty counter staring back. I start into my coffee, flipping on the TV and getting at least a local channel that has the latest news and weather.

I fill my travel mug and then am out the door, my stomach now aflutter with butterflies and nervous knots. The cab ride to my lab affords me the opportunity to try to relax and take in a few deep breaths. I reach the lab and suddenly feel like the new kid entering a brand new school where everyone knows everyone else but me. At least Danny only get a change of scenery and a pay raise, I get everything new, including my stress and anxiety.

"Morning Stella," Greg greets me. "Ready to start?"

"I am," I answer in truth; praying my nerves dont show through.

"Okay so first on the agenda, new hires..." Greg's voice rattles off as I settle into the chair before him, my heart racing. But as I start to look through the first few resumes, I find my nerves settling and my excitement building once again. Greg has told me that he'll take care of the more senior CSI, coming to me with his final chosen few if I had time. The person will be my second in command, as Dustin is more than ready to step back down.

After I am done with Greg, I head into my office, only to start being bombarded by new staff with myriads of questions. All are friendly and welcoming and in a matter of hours, I start to feel that I belong to this small group of people. As soon as lunch arrives I know one thing is certain; that while I miss Mac more than anything, I'm glad I took this opportunity.

But I do have to wonder how Mac is faring?

XXXXXXXX

After spending one of the most miserable nights of my life, I had come into the office early only to turn my bad mood onto everyone else but myself. It took both Danny and Don to remind me that I am in charge and have to get past this hurdle as Stella wouldn't want me taking it out on innocent bystanders.

"Mac?" Danny's soft voice breaks my thoughts, forcing my gaze back to his. "This right?"

"Yeah Danny, you got that," I nod in agreement, a slight frown dotting my brow.

"I guess you haven't talked to Stella this morning?"

"Thought I'd wait until lunch time."

"Her time or ours?" Danny quips and I just smirk.

"Okay so..."

"You can talk about her you know. You have been kinda avoiding the topic all morning," Danny gently reminds me.

"Hurts too much Danny," I confess in truth. He gives me a nod and then it's back to business as usual. Finally just before lunch, Stella's time, I head into the break room, heading for the nearest coffee maker and a much needed caffeine boost.

"So how was your weekend in New Orleans?" Sid inquires.

"Fine," I answer with a glum tone as he approaches.

"Ah haven't asked her yet have you?" He mentions and I refrain from commenting. "When do you see her next?"

"I fly out Friday night," I reply with a frown. "I hate flying."

"I don't blame you. I wouldn't do it."

"Pardon?"

"The commuter relationship. I don't think it's worth it," Sid states and I stare at him in utter shock.

"This is for Stella, Sid," I insist and he shrugs; drawing me further into his trap. "I don't mind. I mean I hate to fly and...what do you mean it's not worth it?" I stammer, my core temperature rising.

"Mac..." he starts, his hand now resting on my shoulder. "It's like this, you have a choice and..."

"Sid, I don't and you know it," I huff as I take a sip of my coffee, adding more fuel to my already fraying nerves.

"Actually you do and here it is..."

I listen to Sid's ramblings and curse myself as I find them making sense; much like Don's mild tongue lashing from the night before. I find myself finally thanking Sid for the _fatherly _advice and then heading back to my office, Don hovering in the doorway.

"Just about to head out. Sheldon call you?"

"Just now. I have to make a quick call and..."

"Did you give anymore thought as to what I told you last night."

"Don, I can't see it working out."

"Why not? I can."

"I..." I start and then stop.

"Or are you afraid to make it work? Okay I'll meet you downstairs. Say hi to Stella for me."

I just shake my head in disbelief before I quickly reach for the phone and dial; all of his and Sid's words now starting to invade my brain, tugging at my heart and yelling at me to use it instead of my head. Finally Stella's voice is heard on the other end; instantly cementing in my heart what I need to do.

XXXXXXXX

_"Just heading out but wanted to call and see how the first half of your day went?"_

I try to temper my answer to Mac with enthusiasm and reality. It was exciting but also a bit unnerving and exhausting. He asked me about Jack Daniels and I said he was by but I told him it was only a few minutes and that was it. I don't mind Mac being a bit jealous but know I'd be a bit more than unsettled if he told me that Aubrey dropped by to see how he was doing. Could I just kill her?

I really want to tell him I miss him already but know that would just add further tension so just keep the conversation light and amicable. I ask about Danny and he asks about Greg. A few minutes later he tells me has to go but says we'll talk after work and I can give him the full run down.

I hang up and am happy that my mood has lifted considerably. I finish my lunch and then head into the lab.

"Hey Stella, can I get your expert opinion on something?" Gabby calls to me, her and Rebecca waiting with smiles on their faces. All in all I really like both my female counterparts and am looking forward to getting to know each of them better. I do miss Lindsay and I'll always miss Jessica, but I know in my heart that Jessica wouldn't want me pining away to the detriment of myself or those around me. And I'm not going to compare or find fault; I want this to work; I need this to succeed. I had told Gabby about Adam and she was already asking for a picture and email.

I head over to the station and soon a lively discussion ensues about what could have made the piece of evidence that is now being inspected and before too long Rebecca and I are heading out into the field.

"So tell me about your Mac," she mentions. "And I'll tell you about Art."

I settle back in the seat of the Chevy Suburban and smile, telling her a few professional things about Mac, things he wouldn't mind me talking about and then listening to her relate to me about her fiance in return. As we head into the city, she also tells me interesting things about the various neighborhoods; things to avoid, places to see and what a great area Greg picked for me to live in.

"Can't wait until Mac is back here and then I can have you two over," Rebecca's words break my thoughts once again. So far both Greg and Dustin have offered similar sentiments and once again I am feeling a big part of my team. I could see myself becoming family with another great set of people. And of course my old team when they come to visit, I could also have a few over. Now my mind races with exciting entertaining ideas.

I almost can't wait for this day to be over so that I can tell Mac all the exciting things that I am planning and that he can be a part of. He'll be happy for us right? Right? Why is there now a doubt?

XXXXXXXX

I almost dreading Stella's call; telling myself that I should have stayed at work as I know it's going to be pure mental torment hearing the happy excitement in her voice as she tells me all about her day. But I can't deny her that. I need to hear her voice; I missed her more than I can even admit to myself right now.

_"I missed you so much," _she starts out by saying and I just close my eyes in torment, my head leaning against the back wall as I sit in bed alone.

"I missed you too. Odd not having my partner at my side," I confess in truth.

_"How did Danny do?" Stella asks with some hesitation. _

"Wasn't the same, but he did what we taught him and actually exceeded what I expected. I think he'll do very well," I explain. "Everyone misses you and says to say hello."

_"And Don?"_

"Much like me, he's surviving. Although I doubt he misses you as much. So now tell me about your day."

_"Mac..."_

"Please?"

_"Okay..." _

She starts into her day and as I suspected, the happiness in her voice was undeniable. She likes it there and is doing everything in her power to succeed and make it work; just as I expected her to do. She tells me about her tasks of finding new staff, about going on her first field assignment, about her new team and how they want to have us over to get to know us better and on it went. Thankfully I felt that she included me in everything that was couple oriented but I am still not there with her; right now. And that's what I miss most. Seeing the passion in her fiery emerald orbs, watching her animated expressions and hearing the joy as it lights up her beautiful smile. I miss it all and I hate myself for it.

_"I love you Mac and I miss you terribly," _she offers me before we finally have to hang up a few hours later.

"I love you too Stella," I whisper as my ears pick up the soft kiss she's tried to blow into the phone. I hang up and feel the emptiness in the pit of my stomach starting to grow. The rest of the week ahead is going to be sheer hell.

And I'm right.

Each day that passes I am angry, withdrawn, irritable, on edge and frustrated. Don says I am putting on a brave face for the rest of the world and the team to see, seemingly fooling everyone except him. He constantly reminds me of his solution to the problem but all I can see is my own physical pain and mental discomfort. Friday finally arrives and it's a day of unexpected advice.

First my mother phones, her words almost mirror images of Don's in fact so much so at one point I call him into my office and actually ask if he put her up to calling me. He merely shrugged and said it was destiny giving me a kick in the ass. Don of course continued his badgering; even Lindsay took me aside and told me what I could to do make my life a much more pleasant experience. Sid and then Danny also made a few comments; Adam finally telling me about the lab tech that Stella told him about; every second of the past week a constant reminder that my very mental sanity was being sucked down the emotional toilet and only I was the one that could stop it before it was washed away without hope of repair or salvation.

And then finally Sinclair called me into his office. Like a bad child being summoned to the principal's office. And boy was it a tongue lashing that I actually needed.

"So that is your choice Mac," he tells me Friday evening. "It's only been one week. How long do you think this attitude can last before something snaps? And I mean a very black mark on your nearly inpecable file. You know I won't allow that. So what is it going to be?"

XXXXXXXX

I putter around the kitchen waiting for Mac's call and the flight number that he'll be coming in on. I stare at the table and can't wait until he's here and we are finally eating together again. Dustin's wife, Shelby, called me and told me about this amazing seafood market that has some good offerings that aren't too expensive. With the recent gulf oil spill, shellfish has become almost a prized commodity but a few places bring flash frozen stuff in from the Pacific in that actually is very enjoyable.

"Come on Mac, call me," I huff. And as if on cue, the phone rings and I race to pick it up. "What plane number?"

_"Stella...I uh...I'm sorry I can't come this weekend," Mac's voice instantly apologizes._

"What?" I ask in haste, my mood plummeting. "Why not?"

_"Sinclair raked me over the coals today for my uh...well I guess I wasn't the most friendly person to be around and he said that I needed to work this weekend to make me think about my attitude."_

"Oh...okay," I frown, my eyes instantly watering and my mind yelling at me to not break down and play the weepy emotional card.

_"Sorry. I know I let you down but...well I guess you're absence affected me more than I thought...oh hell Stella, I can't function without you here. I thought I could and it's very obvious that you don't need me to..."_

"Stop it right there Mac!" I warn in frustration. "It's very hard for me also but I don't know these people so have to put on a good impression, right? I want to make this work."

_"I know!" His voice slightly raises. "I know and..." he pauses with a softer tone. "God I miss you Stella. I thought...well I guess I thought if I worked more that it would make up for the hole that your leaving has caused but it hasn't. Everyone reminds me of what I have become without you and...and they're right. So I told Sinclair that I would work this weekend and..."_

"It's okay I understand," I lie outright. "I'm sorry that you got into trouble because of me."

_"Not personally," he sighs and I can just picture the look of torment on his handsome face. "I just miss you."_

"I miss you too Mac. Wasn't looking forward to spending the weekend in this new city all alone. I mean I have nothing to move so am free and..."

_"But you'll be alone right? No wait I meant..." his voice trails off in a heated stammer to which I laugh at. "What?"_

"No I won't be taking any invitations from any single men if that's what you are asking," I tell him in truth. "I love you remember? Your thick head and all."

_"Stella, I promise I will see you soon."_

"When Mac?"

_"Next weekend?__ There are just a few things I need to do here for..."_

"Mac you don't owe me..."

_"Yes I do. You were counting on me and I feel like I have once again let you down."_

"Well of course I feel let down Mac, I wanted to spend another amazing weekend with you. I was so busy this past week with getting settled into my new office and lab that I just wanted to have you all to myself and not think about work for a few hours."

_"I promise Stella..."_

"You said we'd make this work Mac. Please tell me that every weekend you won't be working."

_"Every?"_

"Once a month won't work and you know that," I state in a soft somber tone. "Skype?"

_"Yeah not the same," he huffs. "I made a promise to you Stella, I would find a way to make it work."_

"Time to cash in some of that holiday time?"

_"Actually that is what I can do."_

"Mac..."

_"It's in the works Stella, I give you my word. I love you and I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?"_

"I love you too Mac."

I finally hang up and then allow myself a good cry, mostly to expel all my emotional anxiety from the past week. I head into the kitchen, pour myself a glass of wine and then head outside onto my small patio. The air is warm and sweet and in the distance I hear music and laughter and my mind settles a little. However, as I glance over at the empty chair I do have to wonder if perhaps Mac is getting cold feet.

He had told me how much he hates long distance relationships and now I have to wonder if he's already starting to distance himself so that he can say its not working and back out; going back to his miserable solitary existence, damning himself to a lonely future at his own doing.

"Please Mac...please tell me you are not giving up on us," I gently beg as I take another sip of wine. But with Mac being MIA for the weekend it'll give me time to actually go and pick up the car that I had been looking at at a local dealership and then get started on my backyard.

But I know one thing is certain; if he does this again next weekend, I will know that he's not invested in us, and at that point I might be the one to die emotionally. It will be over - for good.

XXXXXXXX

I hate myself for not telling Sinclair that I had to go and see Stella and that was it, but he was right, I needed to find something to change my attitude and that was it; and I better do it before he hands me my walking papers. I lean back in my office chair and gaze upon a small picture of me and Stella, my mood lifting a little.

It's Saturday morning and instead of waking up with Stella, having a leisurely breakfast and then exploring a new city, I am here at work trying to make a decision on my very existence. All week long I was bombarded with advice, well wishes and mental ass kickings from concerned friends and family; but a call from Greg Fields and then my discussion with Sinclair forced me to look at myself very carefully.

And so I spend today and tomorrow, getting things gone and getting myself back into the proper frame of work mind so that I can face my team next week as the leader they knew before my romantic life went to hell in a hand basket; mostly by my own doing.

"Was Stella disappointed?" Don asks as he slowly walks into my office; both of us needing to work the weekend, although his reasons different from mine.

"I think she started to cry," I lament with a heavy frown. "But I promised her next weekend and..."

"Damn it Mac, cash in your year's worth of holidays," Don insists and we both smile.

"What did you need?"

"Just this," he hands me a piece of paper and I quickly scan it.

"When did you get this?"

"About half hour ago," he frowns. "Guess we are both on the hot seat now."

"Don..."

"Forget it Mac," he smiles as he ease himself back in his chair. "My attitude has been just as lousy as yours since Stella left. Okay maybe not as bad."

"Thanks," I deadpan.

"I keep wondering what Jessica would say to me," he sighs as he leans forward, his hands rubbing over his face.

"And what would she say?"

"Same thing Claire would say to you," he tells me point blank.

"Yeah I know. So where does that leave us?"

"You know where," Don utters as he too frowns.

"Okay so what do we do first?" I ask as I sign the form and hand it back.

"Well..."

XXXXXXXX

"Thank you," I tell the car salesman as I take the keys to my new Ford Fusion. I like the looks of it and am happy the payments are very reasonable. I know I could have probably paid out right for it, but the monthly schedule will make it easier until I know exactly how much is coming in each payday.

I have my map with me and first thing I do is head for the nearest supermarket, I have a fridge that needs to be stocked. I had thought about the seafood store, but with Mac not coming this weekend, a seafood feast for one just doesn't seem the happy affair it is for two. So that will wait until next weekend. I fill my cart and then head back outside; next stop a local tree farm.

I gather a few bulbs that will weather the coming fall and winter months, although the temperature is pretty much even down here, with snow being a rarity. I had told Mac that I love Christmas in Manhattan but am actually looking forward to a whole host of new seasonal offerings in this new place.

I reach home, put away my groceries and then head outside, greeting the sunshine and then looking at my back yard, wondering where I get started first. About an hour into my working, I look up and feel another bout of loneliness starting ton consume me as Mac is no where in sight. Just seems so empty without him here. I miss his voice asking me questions, offering me tidbits and his warm words of praise and encouragement as I do things for us. I just miss him.

Dinner is once again a morbid affair as I quickly flip on the TV and hope that whatever mindless drivel is on will help to dull my senses and fill the void that Mac's noticeable absence is causing.

After dinner I don't wait for Mac to call me, I call him. But despite the fact that we have talked almost every day for the past week, tonight his voice sounds tired and I'm worried.

"You okay?"

_"Yeah just tired," he confesses. "But got lots done today so that is good right?"_

"Yeah it's good. I uh...I did to."

_"Tell me what you did," he entreats._

I start into my stories about my new car, first trip out grocery shopping and then working in my backyard but all I am greeted with in return are sorrow filled sighs and fake words of commendation and encouragement. I don't want to get into an argument of any kind so hold back on asking if he's actually telling me the truth.

_Are we breaking up? _Is the question I need answered, but I don't want to be the one to plant seeds of doubt in his mind and heart so again hold back, praying he is just tired and nothing more. Is the handwriting on the wall?

XXXXXXXX

I hate the fact that Stella is telling me all these amazing things and I am not there to share them with her. Sinclair, however, true to his word, kept me very busy, as did Don and I didn't even notice what time it was until Stella called. I finally head home under a cloud of guilt and gloom. I want to be there with her, but I can't just take a year off; that would be unfair to everyone. _Except yourself, _my brain reminds me.

I wish I was there to go car shopping; to help fill her fridge and to work side by side in the yard with her on garden projects. It all sounds so normal and inviting; a real taste of family life that I haven't experienced yet but always wanted to.

"Damn it Mac," I curse myself as I enter my apartment. My phone buzzes to life and I look at the display and frown.

_"McCanna," my mother greets me. "How is Stella?"_

I head for the living room, relaying to her all the things that Stella has told me, listening to her words of counsel in return. We talk a bit longer, me telling her that I am going to see Stella on the coming weekend and assuring her that I am not breaking up. Her warning me that if I do she'll just kill me as I have told her enough cases for her to make it look like a suicide. That I actually laughed at.

I know that tomorrow is going to be much like today, and also the week ahead. But as I force my mind to dwell on seeing Stella next weekend my heart settles a bit. Finally after a modest supper, I open my laptop and do something I haven't done, well ever.

I start to browse the internet for things to do and see in New Orleans. I want to also be an activate participant in this new adventure that Stella is undertaking and so if I have to force myself to actually become acquainted with the term 'Google' then so be it.

I finally find a few things to do and with a those thoughts now settled in my mind and heart I find that the night ahead doesn't seem quite as bleak as the few before. However, it's still not the same. I tell Stella I love her, but am now unable to actually her just how true those words are. The few weekends we are afforded now, just don't seem enough.

"I will make this work Stella," I tell myself firmly as I turn off the light and will my eyes to close. Sleep however, still seems to be elusive and so I wake up on Sunday tired and irritable as I was before. This has got to end. I need Stella with me; my life is empty without her. What the hell do I do?

XXXXXXXX

I wake up Sunday morning much the same as Saturday. Alone, miserable and wondering if I made the right decision. Mac and I are both miserable and I know that while both of us are partly to blame for these feelings I now can't help but wonder if it's mostly my fault for taking this job in the first place.

I head downstairs, hoping that my mood will pick up but it doesn't and I spend much of the day, outside, in the sun, on m patio chair with a book and a dismal mood. This has got to end. I need Mac with me; my life is empty without him. Mac told me that once again he had to work today, and I'm hoping he'll get everything done and I'll be picking him up in my new car Friday night.

As my new team expected me to be with Mac this weekend, I get no calls and so everything has been quiet. I did get a call from both Don and Lindsay but that only further cemented the lonely feelings in my heart; especially when they said they missed me and that Mac was the most miserable being on the entire planet without me at his side. I would concur.

Both of them promised to come and visit, each on separate occasions, Lindsay actually excited when I told her there was a couple on my team, kinda like her and Danny with a son about Lucy's age that she would love meeting. I head into my bedroom, waiting for Mac's call but my mind almost dreading the tone he'll greet me with; my heart already starting to be laden with guilt.

But I need to hear his voice; my day has been lonely just listening to the TV or radio. Mac finally calls and my soul starts to settle a little.

"Yeah it's almost like Cozy's," I relate to him about the jazz club that I found that has spots for newcomers to come and just play. "Miss hearing you play for me Mac."

_"Yeah wish you...wish I could also," he quickly corrects. I know he was going to say that he wished I was there and the more we are apart, the faster I am wishing that were true. _

"See if we had Skype you could play and I could watch and enjoy."

_"Just not the same Stella," he tells me and I feel my core tighten. _

"I know but...Mac did I do the right thing?"

_"I know it seem like you didn't but...damn it Stella, I don't know! I miss you and love you and...we are apart and I hate this. Work consumes me now and I know I had wanted to get away from that and..." his voice rattles off in a nervous tirade. "I hate that we are apart."_

"Only a few more days right?"

_"Five," he huffs."_

"Right, five," I repeat slowly.

We talk a bit longer before we both offer the other a very strained I love you and goodnight and then I hang up, feeling more lost and alone than the first night I arrived here. _Please Mac, please tell me I'm not losing you. _

"So you and Mac have fun on the weekend?" Greg asks me early the next morning.

"Actually Mac wasn't able to make it. He had to work," I offer in miserable truth.

"Oh that's too bad, you should have called Sheila," he refers to his wife. "She would have loved to have played tour guide."

"Well I bought a car and...and I was busy but thanks. Okay so..."

"You going to be okay?" Greg asks in concern.

"Yes Sir, don't worry you can count on me," I quickly give him a firm smile; praying he can't see the truth behind the mask.

"Okay great. Now I need you to join Jack and Dustin at..." he gives me the location of the call that he got first thing this morning. He's a lot more hands on than Sinclair, but I can't complain; I'm sure once I am a bit more settled in here, I won't even notice.

I grab the keys and then head for the waiting Suburban, joining my on loan Detective and field CSI for our newest case.

"So Stella," Jackson starts in a low tone. "Me and a couple of buddies are going to check out a jazz concert this weekend. You want to join us?"

"Actually Mac will be here and..."

"You hope right? Sorry, just heard that he didn't..."

"Damn word travels fast," I huff as I just shake my head. "Well as the head of the New York crime lab he had an important case to work. But if you don't mind him coming..."

"Uh yeah sure," he finally backs away and it's back to business as usual.

"Sorry," Dustin states sheepishly. "He musta overheard me talkin' to Shelby," he confesses with a sincere expression. "He'll get the message - sooner or later."

"It's okay. So what do we have?"

Dustin starts into his explanation and our day officially begins. The rest of the week progresses pretty much as the week before, me working on a few cases, screening resumes, sitting in on interviews, arranging to shop for new equipment, going home and alone and talking to Mac.

With one very noticeable exception; my conversations with Mac over this past week have become shorter and shorter, until Friday night I called and he didn't answer. Was he not coming? Was I once again going to face the weekend alone?

"Mac, it's me," I leave my second voice mail. "I was just about to head out to the airport to pick you up but haven't heard what time you are coming in. Please call me."

I hang up and wait. And wait. And then wait some more until I get a text and I feel my future crashing down around me.

_'Stella, sorry something very important has come up and I'm not flying out. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mac.'_

"Damn you Mac. It's over," I lament as I place the phone down and bury my head, cursing Mac's name and my very own existence until I can no longer breath and just pass out on the couch. The next morning I awake, tired and angry and knowing I cannot stay home. So I am going to pull a Mac Taylor.

_When the going gets tough; the tough go to work, _he always told me.

"Stella, what are you doing here today?" Greg asks me in haste, his voice tight and nervous.

I look at him in suspect but then figure I am just in a bad mood and work will distract me.

"I just need to get a few things done."

"Mac coming in later?" He asks in wonder.

"I doubt it," I shrug with a casual but fake smile.

"Okay well I have a few important things to tend to but if you need me I'll be here for a few hours yet."

"Thanks," I offer with a weak smile.

"Think you'll be really excited for the new staff starting on Monday."

"Okay."

In truth I'm not excited. I don't care about new staff, I care about the fact that the man I thought I offered my love to actually loved me back. But I can't unload all this on him so merely give him a nod and then hurry toward my office, not wanting my boss to see my in any kind of emotionally weakened condition. I had told him I wasn't going to allow any of this to affect me and I am going to stand by that promise. I reach my desk and then grab the phone, determined to call Mac and just give him a piece of my mind. But as I dial his number I hear ringing getting closer.

I look up and my world stops. "Oh...my...god."

"Thought I'd answer in person," Mac's warm voice greets.

"What um...how did you...what the hell are you doing here?" I ask angrily.

XXXXXXXX

"Well if I am to start on Monday I thought I'd come in and see where my office is going to be and then go and meet my new boss. But I guess I can now do two things at once," I tell Stella, not in the least bit surprised that she's pissed at me. I would be also if she played the same game I did.

"Is this a joke?"

"Detective Mac Taylor reporting for duty."

"Mac...what?" She asks, her growing smile not easily hidden. "How did I mean when did you...how did you...you gave up..." her voice trails off in haste. "Tell me what is going on!" She demands, both of us still fixed in place.

"I was miserable without you Stella," I start into the second hardest confession of my adult life. "These past two weeks have just cemented in my mind that my life is not complete without you and that work isn't the most important thing. I lost focus of that when we were together and I quickly realized it when we were apart. And that stops now."

"You quit?"

"Actually it Sinclair that told me I had to fix whatever in my life was contributing to my...well rotten attitude at of late or else," I smirk and Stella's posture finally softens. "And the only way to do that was to be with you. Yes selfishly I wanted to call Greg and tell him that you didn't belong here but I want this for you Stella and now it's time to put you first; to put us first," I tell her as I place my suitcase down and slowly walk toward her, noticing her eyes are already glistening. "I know you can do it and I want you to succeed. I've been the boss long enough; now it's time to my trust in someone more than worthy of that title."

"But...the team. What did you..."

"And also the team and my mother all made it very clear that work is really not worth losing happiness over and it's about time I put my personal needs above my professional demands. Plus they said I was needed here. I love you Stella and I told you that I would make it work for us. I was alone and unhappy and want to be happy and this is the only way I know how."

"But you have always been in charge Mac," her soft words reminds me as we now stand a few feet apart.

I gently touch her warm cheek, and quickly brush away an oncoming tear. "Maybe it's time to let some of that control go; give it up to a more qualified person."

"More qualified?" She manages.

"Well you really are the one qualified to handle our future happiness right? Certainly mine."

"I don't know Mac, this is a pretty damn good start," she whispers as she leans in closer. "I was miserable without you."

"And I couldn't see myself going on without you. As I had told you before, memories come with us; Claire is in my heart so no matter where I go..."

"The most important memory comes with you," Stella finishes.

"As long as I am with the most important person, I don't need anything else but I do need you. I was miserable Stella, I know we both were. I didn't want too much time to pass. I want to be here with you; to experience all of this with you. A new start for both of us."

"And your mother? Reed? The team?"

"All told me that they'll come and visit. We do have that spare room right?"

"Who's in charge in New York?" Stella asks in shock.

"Danny and Lindsay," I inform her. "Adam was promoted and now we they just need to train two juniors. Sinclair was actually somewhat accommodating for the fresh start. As are they all."

Stella looks at me, words failing to escape her at the moment; before I quickly pull her into my arms.

"Are you sure? I mean you gave up everything for me Mac?"

"Not everything. Not what matters most," I whisper as I lean in closer, wanting to taste her lips so badly it almost hurts. "I love you Stella, you are my future, that's what I gave up New York to get."

"I love you Mac, thank you for all this."

"Well selfishly I did do it for me," I smirk and she gives me a small pinch.

"If you ever trick me again like that I will kill you."

"Trust me Stella, these past two weeks have been hell for me as well. I had to swear the team and Greg to secrecy so that you'd be surprised when I arrived. But not seeing you last weekend and hearing the sorrow in your voice the night before nearly killed me."

"I thought you wanted to end it," she states sadly and my heart breaks.

"I'm sorry I gave that impression," I utter as I finally lean in and kiss her mouth, devouring her lips and then pulling back with a smile. "Forgive me?"

"You're here now Mac..."

"Here to stay Stella," I promise her as I place her hand over my rapidly beating heart. "I had to be the one to make the decision right? You had told me that? That I had to be the one to let it all go in favor of our future and I did that. I am with you and I'm never letting go."

"And I love you for it," she assures me as she kisses me on the lips. Our kiss lingers for what seems like a blissful eternity before we hear a faint noise in the distance and know it's time to take this some place quieter. In truth I can't wait to get back to our new home and spend the rest of the day making love to her and showing her that I am more than in love, I am ready to pledge my future to her right now.

"Come on," I take Stella by the hand and prepare to leave her office; the weekend, our life ahead of us waiting to be enjoyed.

I know that there will be ups and downs; growing pains galore as I have never faced a situation like this. New job, new role, new home, new city, new love and new life. But I know with Stella at my side, and knowing that this is also new growing pains for her makes it a bit easier. But now that we are together, it will be a success in the long run, it can't fail because we won't let it. We both want it too much. The future is exciting and scary but as long as I am with the woman I love more than anything I know that nothing can beat us back down. This will succeed!

"Where to?" She asks with a growing smile.

"Wherever you want. The future awaits."

"Then let's go home."

**THE END! **

* * *

**A/N: Well I was going to add some more but I think most are wanting this to end (sorry if you lost interest and stopped reviewing) so I have ended it here. ****Hope this ending was okay. Mac in New Orleans? Could have made her come back to NY, (even though wayyyy to predictable) but since a lot of you wanted her to stay in NO to make it work and you know I can't keep my smacked apart so hope this ending works! Please don't hate me if you don't like it. Another ending could be for another story? Hehe :D**

**But I wasn't sure if you guys wanted me to continue and write them actually living and working in NO with this new arrangement of Stella in charge and Mac as her right hand? The trials that come with that new role reversal? And new...well everything. Or just end the fairytale here? So I ended it here! :D Hope you all liked this ending, and please let me know in your final review if you liked it or if you would have liked more a possible sequel (yes even you lurkers! lol) and again THANKS SO MUCH! **


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